Filed under: Crazy Clowns, Tom Cruise

PRESCRIBING INFORMATION

TOM CRUISE PURPLE (as reported by the NY Daily News)

Generic name: xenujuana

DESCRIPTION

Medical marijuana sold in vials featuring a picture of Tom Cruise laughing hysterically. Also known as most every picture taken of Tom Cruise. Distributed by licensed cannabis clubs in Northern California.

INDICATIONS

An antiemetic for the treatment of nausea and anorexia associated with treatments for cancer, AIDS, and hepatitis. Tom Cruise Purple also treats people who demonstrate signs of normalcy and turns them into laughing loons.

RECOMMENDED DOSAGE

Enough to make patients speak solely in unintelligible acronyms.

SIDE EFFECTS

God complex; alien worship; couch-jumping; bowl haircut that spreads to rest of family; cackling; loss of respect; aversion to psychiatry; homophobia; sudden ability to be only person who can help with accidents and control forces of nature.

Filed under: Britney Spears, Fashion

When you think of “good with children” and “fashionista,” who’s the first person that comes to mind?

Why, Britney Spears, of course!

This explains why Brit is reportedly in discussions to design a line of children’s clothing for Ed Hardy:

She wants to work on a clothing line with Christian [Audigier],” says an Ed Hardy representative, who adds, “it was a closed door meeting, but we will say that they are planning to do a children’s clothing line.”

Only we have a sneak peek at the collection:

Filed under: Daily Drivel

[Original Madonna Exquisite Corpse]

Watching Madonna’s new video inspires me to hit the gym more. Right after I have a few Thin Mints (damn those evil Girl Scouts!). [popbytes]

Melissa Joan Hart pimps out her two-week-old son on the red carpet. Can never start them too young, Dina Lohan and I say! [Celebrity Baby Scoop]

Shakespeare Actress Still in Love: Blythe Danner defends Gwyneth Paltrow’s marriage. [Cele|bitchy]

Heidi Montag endorses a presidential candidate. However, I still won’t sleep well till I know where Zac Efron stands on free trade and globalization. [Fatback]

Looks like Jason Davis has been laying off the gummi bears. [POTP]

Beyonce and Jay-Z’s wedding is all about numbers. And I’m not talking about the ones attached to his bank account. (Though they sure do help.) [Lainey]

A business that apparently services CoCo. [Giggle Sugar]

Filed under: Fashion

Headline by Dr. Seuss:

In related news, diamond experts have updated the 4 Cs of Diamonds accordingly:

Carat
Cut
Clarity
Color

Plus the newest addition:

Crack

Filed under: Beauty

HOT FIND: Facial Sandblaster

Move over micro-dermabrasion and chemical peels — we’ve found something even more abrasive!

The Circus Hour team flipped for the Beauty Blaster, whose effects are similar to sandpaper, but with a more even finish and way less bleeding. Just blast and shed years from your face — not to mention most of your skin layers!

“Celebrities such as Renee Zellweger have been fan of this treatment for years,” gushed Beauty Blaster founder, Anastasia Nikolaevna (formerly Jenny Walker). “We guarantee nothing will make your face redder and shinier.  We’re also looking into other kinds of blasters, including steel grit, copper slag, glass beads, coconut shells and pink diamonds, in which Jennifer Lopez has expressed an interest,” Nikolaevna added.

Beauty Blaster, $750, Sephora.com or Home Depot stores nationwide. 

Filed under: Twins

I read Dlisted every morning without fail and often find choice nuggets of artistic inspiration among Michael K’s musings. This morning Sebastian Bach was featured as a “Birthday Slut” and I couldn’t have been the only one who thought he looked eerily similar to Britney Spears.

Filed under: Pop Quizzes

Brittany Murphy’s husband, Simon Monjack, is thinking what in this picture?

1) Wow, it was totally worth selling my soul to the devil for this;

2) Is my wife getting ready to play the lead in Finding Nemo: The Live Action Version?;

3) Good! She doesn’t notice I’m taking a twenty out of her purse right now;

4) Why did that photographer just say I reminded her of her dirty uncle?;

5) None of the above. He’s thinking ______________.

Continued