Filed under: Kelly Osbourne

For Kelly Osbourne, every day is Halloween. She’s always decked out in wild costumes and dramatic hair styles. She bucks the trend of what most of Hollywood considers "fashionable" and she pays dearly for it. Just about every week, you’ll find her tucked in the "Fashion Disasters" and "Hair Traumas" features of the tabloids.  Commenting on Kelly’s hairstyle seen above, In-Touch magazine screeched, "Kelly looks like she’s entering a war zone with that bowl-shaped helmet of hair" and then went on to compare her to Moe from the Three Stooges. When I looked at the picture, I was overcome with the sudden desire to study the field of Mycology.

Boo!

Filed under: Burt Reynolds

I am a big fan of Burt Reynolds and have enjoyed his box office hits, as well as his flops.  I even own a Malone poster (see below) in which Burt is standing in front of an exploding inferno, firing off a huge machine gun while wearing a jet black toupee. He was aging wonderfully…distinctive, some would say….so WHY WHY WHY did he go and stretch his face out with all that unnecessary plastic surgery?!?!?  Second in my series of Celebrity Halloween Masks, this Burt Reynolds mask is sure to scare all your friends. To make your costume even MORE disconcerting, wear it while dressed in the leather daddy outfit Burt wore in Deliverance. Yikes. Thank you Karin for the headline idea!

Filed under: Halloween

One of my favorite celebrity gossip stories is the one about David Gest claiming Liza Minelli beat him to a pulp after she got drunk and went into a rage.  Powder, blush and lipstick-wearing Gest tried to sue tiny little Minelli for $10 million. This painting was inspired by a photograph and story I found in Star Magazine. The headline is actual, and was cut out of the magazine and added to the painting. I’m not too sure about the validity of Gest’s claim, but if I woke up next to that thing in my bed, I’d try and swat it away too.  SCARY!!! 

Filed under: Paris Hilton, Paris Hilton Art

After considering all the comments and emails telling me that I painted Paris Hilton looking too pretty, I decided to drink a bit of wine late into the night and paint Ms. Hilton how she really looks to me. She’s so blonde and tall and seems to find herself very interesting andbeautiful as she slithers from party to party with various members ofher entourage. I woke up the next morning, popped a few aspirin, andlooked at my Paris painting and cringed at what wine and crayons can produce.  I wasn’t going topost it, but thought it would make a nice intro to my upcoming Halloween Special.  Starting Monday, Oct 24th,  I’ll be posting a terrifying celebrity every day until Halloween.

Filed under: Paris Hilton, Paris Hilton Art

Paris Hilton was recently quoted as saying “I’m the closest thing to American royalty.”  Wow, that’s quite the statement. I’m sure Americans everywhere are brimming with pride as our royal highness Princess Paris shamelessly dangles and shimmies her unbearable dullness in a vapid lap dance for the world to see. According to our beloved, yet delusional Princess, royalty is characterized by shilling herself out to low grade hamburger chains, starring in a sex video, and babbling “that’s hot” because she can’t come up with anything else to say.  Princess Paris claims she wants to “build an empire” with her “brand” and 14 predicts it will look a lot like Wal-Mart.

Filed under: Britney Spears, Britney Spears Art

Poor Britney Spears, keeping and entertaining that lay-about husband of hers is costing her millions. On top of that, she just spent additional millions renovating her plush Malibu mansion.  Now she has little Sean Preston to feed and bling out.  Money is running out. The stay-at-home marm can’t possibly think of recording a new album and touring, so she’s decided to enter the baby food industry.  She was inspired by the idea after she and Kevin went to the convenience store to pick up some dinner:”Kevin, it sure is too bad we cain’t feed our baby the same delicious food we eat.”"Dat’s fo shizz Brit! I be feedin’ him dis here nacho cheese sauce and he loves it!”"Kevin!  That’s a great idea! I’ll go into the baby food bizness and we’ll make millions!”"Sho ’nuff Brit. Now all babies can eat as well as our little man here.”Britney Spears Baby-on-the-Go TM baby food will be sold in convenience stores around the country. Flavors include Nacho Cheese, Fried Chik’n, Pizza Stuffers, Corn Dog Puddin‘, and Mexican Variety Platter.

Filed under: Britney Spears, Britney Spears Art

 I played around in my time machine again this weekend and tore a photo from Star Magazine to bring back and show you.  Here we have a paparazzi photograph of Britney Spears and Kevin Federline taking their bouncing bundle of joy out for a stroll in the Hollywood Hills. Baby Sean Preston appears to be foaming at the mouth and has stained his face, hands and $800 designer warm up suit with sticky orange Cheeto goo. Mommy Britney looks a bit grossed out by the mess while Daddy Kevin looks on with detached amusement. Britney has just given Kevin a brand new $28,000 watch and he enjoys showing it off while guzzling his 64 oz Big Gulp.  I bet there’s Orange Fanta inside that enormous cup….this family appears to enjoy consuming things that are bright orange.