Archive for the ‘Paris Hilton’ Category
Filed under: Paris Hilton
Kathy Hilton has spoken out about the cruel and unusual punishment her brave daughter suffered in prison, saying the worst part was “seeing the rashes on her arms and face from the thin sheets.”
A moment of silence, please, to mourn the time Paris was forced to lie on 100 thread-count sheets.
Mama Hilton also shared with People that it was devastating to witness the correctional facility’s guards “grabbing Paris under the arm” — and then seeing the words “L.A. County” printed on the back of Paris’s jumpsuit. A heartbreaking tale, especially knowing that Kathy’s used to seeing “JUICY” splashed on her daughter’s ass instead.
Hmmm… “Rashes” + Paris = an ample amount of potential jokes with which I could end this post. However, it’s almost 8 p.m. and I’m enjoying my nightly glass of Cabernet, so I’m more in the mood for storytelling right now. But first…
A moment of silence, please, during which you can mull over your own Paris rash jokes (and hopefully share them with the class afterward).
So my story:
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Filed under: Paris Hilton, Paris Hilton Art
You know you’ve secretly always wanted to walk a mile in Paris Hilton’s shoes….and now you can! The ex-jailbird has announced she’ll be designing her own line of shoes and only Gallery of the Absurd has the exclusive preview of two of the hottest styles from her collection. The Supertanker, shown above, features dainty ankle straps paired with sexy four-inch heels. You need not worry about the state of your pedicure because when you slip on these adorable shoes, your toes will …
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Filed under: Paris Hilton
Paris Hilton is out $60 million after her billionaire grandfather, Barron — appalled by her prison stint and leaked sex video — reportedly axed her inheritance.
Why, that’s the saddest thing I’ve heard since… Brandon Davis got caught off by his family. (Sadder yet for Paris: no more Simple Life checks. E! just axed the series.)
“He was, and is, extremely embarrassed by how the Hilton name has been sullied by Paris,” says Jerry Oppenheimer, who wrote a biography called House Of Hilton. …
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Filed under: Paris Hilton
This picture restores my faith in real-life fairy tales.
The Prince (of Oversized Testes) finally sweeping his Princess (of Crabs) off her feet after overcoming all the obstacles on their road to “happily ever after,” like wrongful imprisonment and a combined IQ of 10, which prevented them from holding a coherent conversation in which they could express their love.
But alas… in the end, words were not necessary.
A romantic game of tonsil hockey said all they needed to say. Then the bluebirds emerged from the trees to sing “All You …
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Filed under: Paris Hilton, Paris Hilton Art
This image will make sense if you click here. That’s all I have to say about the matter.
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Filed under: Paris Hilton
Paris Hilton is reportedly up to her old tricks again.
Despite telling Larry King she’d never done drugs, the newly spiritual heirhead emerged from an SUV in front of popular Hollywood club Teddy’s the other night in what Page Six witnesses describe as a — gasp! — cloud of marijuana smoke.
“She took a huge puff off of a joint, then opened the door and exhaled the pot smoke basically in my face,” one clubgoer sniffed (literally).
Say what –?! Not my Paris. My sweet, angelic, bible-toting …
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Filed under: Paris Hilton
Considering Paris Hilton’s pledge to devote herself to charity after getting out of jail, I can only assume…
… she’s headed to Maui to, um, help needy hula dancers?
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