Archive for the ‘Jessica Simpson’ Category
Filed under: Jessica Simpson
I was amazed at the amount of email I received regarding the painting of Jessica Simpson shown below. Many people accused me of being “too nice” to her and advised me to push it further. Because the work on Gallery of the Absurd is inspired by social commentary, I agreed to repaint her in a more appropriate manner. Medium: ink, gouache on …
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Filed under: Jessica Simpson
A recent issue of Star Magazine humiliated Jessica Simpson with a contemporary version of a public hanging. They ran a cover photo of her along with the accompanying headline, It’s Not A Fat Suit! Inside the mag, they included a full-page version of the photo with the screaming headline, Hips Don’t Lie! The photo was taken at an unflattering angle, and while Jessica didn’t really look fat (at least to me) she did look ridiculous. She’s up on stage, her mouth is …
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Filed under: Celebrity Animals, Jessica Simpson
The Jessica Simpson Dingbat Frog can be found hopping around Hollywood in search of a suitable mate. It can be identified by its large chest spilling out of low cut tops and also by its habit of wearing silly boots. The disturbing croak of the Dingbat Frog has been recorded on CD and is available for purchase. A distinguishing characteristic of the Dingbat Frog is its enormous rubbery mouth which is often kept agape. This allows the frog to feed on …
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Filed under: Jessica Simpson
How does Ashlee Simpson get her mouth to stretch like that? No wait, DO NOT answer that. I stumbled across these two photos and there was no way I couldn’t put them side by side for your amusement (or indifference).
Heavily medicated, I grabbed my sketchbook and oil pastels and produced this freakish amalgamation while in a state of delerium. I’ve been quite sick the past few weeks and have had to spend …
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Filed under: Icky, Jessica Simpson
Viewing Joe Simpson through the filthy looking glass of celebrity gossip, he appears as the Creepiest Dad in Hollywood. You won’t find this term printed in the tabloids, but bloggers have no problems pointing out their perception of Jessica and Ashlee’s daddy/manager. Papa Simpson elevated his own level of creep straight into the stratosphere a few years ago while speaking of daughter Jessisca’s ample assets. This little gem came a’tumbling out of his mouth: “If you put her in a T-shirt or …
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Filed under: Jessica Simpson
While on vacation, I was thumbing through a Star magazine and came across an article speculating whether or not Ashlee Simpson had undergone a nose job. Side by side photos compared the bumpy "before" nose with a slightly less bumpy "after" nose. I looked hard, but couldn’t really tell the difference. I did however, notice her chin. I’ve never been able to
pinpoint
exactly what Ashlee Simpson reminds me of until I picked up a book about optical illusions and saw the classic Young Girl …
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Filed under: Jessica Simpson
I was standing in the checkout line at the grocery store watching the man in front of me pull his wallet from out of his pants (not his pocket, his PANTS) and then I started giggling because the cashier didn’t want to touch his money and she started lecturing him about how it’s unsanitary to keep money near one’s “personal area” and he kept saying “I am shocked, absolutely SHOCKED you are talking to me like this!!” and she screams “I NOT touch …
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