Archive for the ‘Celebutards’ Category
Filed under: Celebutards, Convos of the Rich & Famous, Nicole Richie
LIONEL: Look, world! My daughter has cleavage now!
NICOLE: Dad really needs to stop talking about my breasts.
SOPHIA: I’m so happy Nicole had a baby! Now I can wear all her old clothes.
LIONEL: What a rack, huh? Am I right, or am I right?
NICOLE: [SIGHS] At least I’ve finally done something to make him proud.
SOPHIA: Um, what’s a girl gotta do to get some attention ’round here? I should talk to that Jamie Lynn Spears…
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Filed under: Celebutards, Drunk Clowns, Paris Hilton
Barron Hilton has followed in the esteemed footsteps of sister Paris by pleading no contest to DUI.
A judge has ordered that 18-year-old Barron learn firsthand about the ramifications of drinking and driving with a visit the L.A. County Morgue. Of course, showing him THIS would be even more effective in demonstrating the dangers of drinking:
Barron was also placed on three years probation and had his license yanked for a year.
The youngest Hilton sibling was arrested in February after cops say he drove drunk, …
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Filed under: Celebutards, Mariah Carey
Lauren Conrad, Audrina Patridge, Mariah Carey and Whitney Port at “The Hills” season three premiere
WHITNEY: Omigod! I’m standing next to Mariah Freakin’ Carey!
MARIAH: Who the f*ck are these chicks?
AUDRINA: Okay, ouch. Mariah is totally digging her elbow into my boob.
WHITNEY: Mom is going to flip when she hears about this. She has all of Mariah’s songs in her oldies collection!
MARIAH: I’m going to kill my agent.
WHITNEY: I should touch Mariah’s jacket. I bet she wore that back in her Studio 75 days.
LAUREN: …
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Filed under: Celebutards, Headline of the Day
Giving new meaning to insurance asset management.
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Filed under: Britney Spears, Celebutards, Dumb Clowns
It’s funny. I was just thinking the other day, it’s been a while since the airwaves have been graced with a good musical duet. Like Sonny & Cher. Johnny Cash and June Carter. Britney Spears and Heidi Montag…
Say wha — ?!
Oh yes, folks, it be true. Heidi has run out of plastic surgery procedures to keep her in the pages of Us Weekly, so she took the other sure-fire route: by associating herself with Britney.
Apparently, Heidi and videographer extraordinaire Spencer Pratt got their hands on one of …
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Filed under: Celebutards, Word of the Day
douche (doosh) n.
1. A stream of water, often containing medicinal or cleansing agents, that is applied to a body part or cavity for hygienic or therapeutic purposes.
2. The application of a douche.
3. An instrument for applying a douche.
4. 
This guy.
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Filed under: Celebutards, R.I.P.
2007 - 2008
Gossypium hirsutum, a cotton fiber that once thrived in a field in Big Nance Creek, Alabama, and dreamed of a career as pages in a John Grisham novel, has been picked from the bush for a far more humiliating cause: to become a “Team Heidi” t-shirt at Kitson.
The cotton bush’s last words were reportedly, “Dear God, no… anything but that!” before finally dying in the hands of Spencer Pratt Professional Videos and Apparel, Inc.
It is survived by a family of shrubs that would rather suffer through a …
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