Archive for the ‘Totally Sober’ Category
Filed under: Totally Sober
Sugar Tit connoisseur and Alcoholics Anonymous member Mel Gibson was spotted looking totally sober at The Living Room bar in Bali.
Oh, dear. This cannot bode well for U.S.-Indonesian relations. CUT TO: Six glasses of Bali Punch later. Mel is yammering about how Indonesians are responsible for all the terrorist acts in the world and joking how they should sell apparel at Bali nightclubs that say, “I Went to Bali and All I Got Was This Bloody T-Shirt.” Ba-da-bum!
We take no responsibility for Mel or his actions. Except, …
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Filed under: Totally Sober
I sure do love me a good Drunk Vince Vaughn story…
According to Star magazine, Vince, 37, recently put back a few too many cocktails at the Los Angeles bar, Bordello, and “entertained” the crowd with his best Elvis impersonation — much to the chagrin of the patrons.
Vince joined the rockabilly band that was performing on stage and announced, ‘I’m gonna do an Elvis song!’” While everyone was excited at first, the cheers quickly turned to boos: “Vince started singing Little Sister, but he was off-key and seemed to stumble through the lyrics,” says …
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Filed under: Totally Sober
Joaquin Phoenix made a very sober appearance at the Toronto Film Festival premiere of Reservation Road. No word on whether any giant brain-eating-frogs were crawling out of his scalp, as sometimes happens on the red carpet.
I blame the parents. If they had just named him “John,” those damn frogs would have left him alone.
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Filed under: Totally Sober
Hilary Duff at the “Music Loves Fashion” event in Montreal
Better lay off those wildberry wine coolers, Hil! Next thing you know, you’ll be dancing on the bar, flashing everyone, tripping over tables and trying to bring SexyBack by grinding with a bar stool …
Oh, wait — that’s what I did last night! My mistake.
(FYI, not the best way to bring the sexy. Damn you, Bartles and Jaymes!)
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Filed under: Totally Sober
Justin Timberlake made a very sober appearance at Jet Nightclub after his sold-out performance in Vegas. Something tells me (perhaps my intimate knowledge of the inebriated) that he’s the kind of drunk who: 1) Becomes very sentimental (”I love you, man!”); 2) Drunk-text messages Cameron (”John Mayer?! WTF?”); and 3) Mocks Britney by performing “I’m a Slave 4 U” in an off-key falsetto for his group of friends.
Cheers, JT! Have another for me — and be sure to get that Brit performance on video.
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Filed under: Totally Sober
Sienna Miller made a very sober appearance at the launch party for her new fashion line yesterday. Looks like she’s well beyond the first three stages (#1 - Just tipsy enough to feel confident in those leggings; #2 - Drunk enough to think you’re a good dancer; #3 - Wasted enough to text message your ex-boyfriend) and into the dreaded stage four:
“I don’t feel so good…”
Not that I’m, um, familiar with ANY of those stages, of course.
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Filed under: Britney Spears, Totally Sober
“Here, hold this!” Britney’s assistant insisted, shoving the bottle in Brit’s hand before the paparazzi surrounded the car. “Um… alright. But y’all are crazy,” Britney slurred as she stared at the unfamiliar clear substance.
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