Archive for the ‘R.I.P.’ Category
Filed under: R.I.P.
Dick Wilson, the actor and pitchman who played the uptight grocer begging customers “Please, don’t squeeze the Charmin,” died of natural causes today. He was 91. Known to most of the world as “Mr. Whipple,” he passed away at the Motion Picture & Television Fund Hospital in Woodland Hills.
Mr. Whipple is survived by his wife, Meg; a son, Stuart; two daughters, Melanie and Wendy; and many aisles full of covertly squeezed Charmin.
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Filed under: R.I.P.
Legendary opera singer Luciano Pavarotti, whose voice and style made him one of the most famed opera singers of all time, has died of pancreatic cancer. He was 71.
He is survived by four daughters, a portfolio of awe-inspiring work and a new generation of music fans who think “Pavarotti” is something you find on The Olive Garden’s menu.
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Filed under: R.I.P.
1920 - 2007
Notorious hotelier and billionaire Leona Helmsley, who once served prison time for tax evasion and was often called the “Queen of Mean,” has died of heart failure. Leona, along with hubby, Harry, ran a $5 billion real estate empire, which included managing a little place known as the Empire State Building.
She is survived by many weary employees, a trunk full of red lipstick and eyebrow pencils, and a tombstone that reads, “Only the little people pay taxes.”
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Filed under: R.I.P.
1925 - 2007
Merv Griffin, the entertainer turned impresario who parlayed his Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune game shows into an empire, has died of prostate cancer. He was 82.
Merv is survived by a son, Vanna White’s mind-bogglingly eternal enthusiasm for turning letters, and more money than I will see in five lifetimes.
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Filed under: R.I.P.
Tammy Faye Messner, whose can-do Christian cheer helped her survive the PTL scandal and forge a second career as a pop-culture queen, died Friday after battling cancer for more than a decade. She was 65.
Tammy is survived by her husband; her daughter, Tammy Sue; a son, “Jay”; and a trunk full of eyeliner, mascara and false eyelashes.
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Filed under: Media, R.I.P.
1997 - 2007
Jane magazine, which gained fame for a blasé writing style deemed clever only by its staff, enlightening articles like “How to Tell the Perfect Lie,” and a lesbian tryst between its founder and Drew Barrymore, has passed away.
Suffering from depressed advertising and a new editor who put overexposed, under-talented people like Paris Hilton on the cover, the magazine finally died in the hands of Conde Nast Publications Chief Executive Charles Townsend today.
Jane is survived by one billion other women’s magazines currently cluttering Candy’s desk and mailbox.
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Filed under: R.I.P.
Amanda Bynes’ distinctive and original look, which gained fame for its cuteness on the sub-par sitcom “What I Like About You” and Candy’s guilty pleasure, “What a Girl Wants,” has passed away, as evidenced by this picture taken at the MTV Movie Awards.
Succumbing to the tragic Hollywood disease that makes starlets — such as Lindsay Lohan, Ashlee Simpson, Kristin Cavallari and Ashley Tisdale — want to look exactly the same, Amanda Bynes’ Originality died in the hands of a bleach-happy colorist and an overzealous spray tanner.
Amanda’s Originality is survived by a cute figure, no DUIs …
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