Archive for the ‘R.I.P.’ Category

Filed under: R.I.P.

1919 - 2008

Herb Peterson, who invented the Egg McMuffin, died peacefully at his home in Santa Barbara on Tuesday. He was 89.

Peterson came up with idea for the signature McDonald’s breakfast item in 1972. “He was very partial to eggs Benedict,” said a McDonald’s spokesperson, so Peterson worked on creating a similar meal.

Peterson began his career with McDonald’s as vice president of the company’s advertising firm, D’Arcy Advertising, in Chicago. He wrote McDonald’s first national advertising slogan, “Where Quality Starts Fresh Every Day,” and eventually became a …

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Filed under: George Clooney, R.I.P.

2003 - 2007

My Love Affair with George Clooney, which blossomed for years away from the prying eyes of the public, in the far more private regions of my imagination, has passed away in the greedy, reportedly diamond-wearing hands of his rumored FIANCEE, Sarah Larson — a lovely, truly lovely, woman who has an affinity for draping herself in Monet prints and eats scorpions for cash on TV.  Couldn’t be happier for them.

Our Love Affair is survived by my fabricated memories of the times we …

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Filed under: Celebutards, R.I.P.

2007 - 2008

Gossypium hirsutum, a cotton fiber that once thrived in a field in Big Nance Creek, Alabama, and dreamed of a career as pages in a John Grisham novel, has been picked from the bush for a far more humiliating cause: to become a “Team Heidi” t-shirt at Kitson.

The cotton bush’s last words were reportedly, “Dear God, no… anything but that!” before finally dying in the hands of Spencer Pratt Professional Videos and Apparel, Inc.

It is survived by a family of shrubs that would rather suffer through a …

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Filed under: Celebrities, R.I.P.

Michelle Williams just issued this statement about the passing of Heath Ledger:

“Please respect our need to grieve privately. My heart is broken. I am the mother of the most tender-hearted, high-spirited, beautiful little girl who is the spitting image of her father. All that I can cling to is his presence inside her that reveals itself every day. His family and I watch Matilda as she whispers to trees, hugs animals, and takes steps two at a time, and we know that he is with us still. She will be brought up in the …

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Filed under: Celebrities, Media, R.I.P.

Hope the press gives Michelle and Heath’s family the privacy that they deserve.

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Filed under: R.I.P.

My fingers are shaking as I write this…

Heath Ledger was just found dead in a Manhattan apartment, reports The New York Times. He was 28 years old.

Police believe it may have been a drug-related death. At 3:31 p.m., a masseuse arrived at Apartment 5A in the building for an appointment with Heath, the police said. The masseuse was let in to the home by a housekeeper, who then knocked on the door of Heath’s bedroom. When no one answered, the housekeeper and the masseuse opened the bedroom and …

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Filed under: R.I.P.

Ike Turner, musician, record producer and former husband of Tina Turner, died at his suburban San Diego home yesterday. He was 76.

Sources close to the family tell TMZ he may have died in his sleep.

Ike is survived by some great music, as many as 14 ex-wives, four known children and a legacy of abuse and denial. (”Sure, I’ve slapped Tina… There have been times when I punched her to the ground without thinking. But I never beat her.”)

Hey, Ike, tell the Devil that Candy says, “Hi!” (He knows …

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