Archive for the ‘Conversations with Celebrity Body Parts’ Category

Filed under: Conversations with Celebrity Body Parts

I recently had the opportunity to sit down with Kate Hudson’s Ass at the Delano Hotel in Miami, where we chatted about defying gravity, working with Matthew McConaughey’s deodorant-free armpits and Japan emerging from its decade-long economic slump.

CANDY: Hello there. What’s up?

KATE HUDSON’S ASS: Me, apparently.

C: So I see! Where have you been hiding?

KHA: (ROLLS EYES) Under a bunch of oversized muumuus.

C: If you were mine, I would walk around in a thong all the time — and nothing else.

KHA: (LAUGHS) That’s exactly what Ryan Seacrest said to me.

C: How funny. Do you enjoy his show American Idol?

KHA: (SMILES) No, give me the Discovery Channel or a good Dostoevsky novel any day.

C: I heard you’re also quite an expert on the Japanese economy.

KHA: (SHRUGS MODESTLY) World economics is just something I dabble in. Although I really do think Japan’s transition to a more neutral monetary stance could be supported by greater clarity regarding the Bank of Japan’s medium-term inflationary goals. Which, in turn, would then facilitate a smooth adjustment of private sector interest rate expectations.

C: Yeah, I was just saying that the other day! Um, anyway… do you get along with Kate’s frequent co-star and friend Matthew McConaughey?

KHA: I read Dostoevsky. He thinks a Coke can pipe is modern art. What do you think?

C: Well, a Coke can does make — er, never mind. One last question: Team Heidi or Team Conrad?

KHA: It’s all Greek to me. (LAUGHS)

C: My girl crush on you just grew exponentially. Thanks for taking the time to talk to me.

KHA: My pleasure.