Filed under: Beauty, Pop Culture
Forget Thomas the Tank Engine or Green Eggs and Ham — there’s a NEW fun children’s book hitting the shelves:
My Beautiful Mommy — out on Mother’s Day — teaches kids why their mother, who apparently isn’t beautiful now, is having plastic surgery.
“The kids have questions,” author and (shocker) plastic surgeon Dr. Michael Salzhauer told Newsweek.
My Beautiful Mommy is about a mother who gets a tummy tuck, breast implants and a nose job. No word on why that’s all she’s getting. Seems a little too subtle to me.
“You see, as I got older, my body stretched and I couldn’t fit into my clothes anymore,” the character explains. “Dr. Michael is going to help fix that and make me feel better.”
Yes, good thing her shirts will fit her nose now!
Salzhauer said while “parents generally tend to go into this denial thing” and “try to ignore the kids’ questions completely,” children are legitimately confused and worried.
Other possible children’s lines include:
And, of course…
Ed. note: My cats inform me that this is already a children’s product. My bad.
Posted by Candy ♦ April 18, 2008
At 7:15 am Exyank said:
What sort of parents can’t just be honest with the kid and say “I’m going to have my body/face changed by having an operation”? Oh, that’s right. Shallow, stupid, self-absorbed parents. That’s right.
Honestly, this isn’t brain surgery. It’s plastic surgery. Sheesh.
April 18, 2008
At 8:40 am Nathaniel R said:
“Yes, good thing her shirts will fit her nose now!”
HILARIOUS.
Is that the problem I’m having with my shirts. And here I thought I’d just gained a few lbs around my midsection.
it was my nose the whole time!
April 18, 2008
At 8:51 am MMB said:
I thinkthat while this is a bit sad, iot addresses a real issue–sure, you can just tell your kids anything, but the book might help them to see that it’s not a big deal. Kids can be scared by seeing their parents weak, hurting, or wrapped in bandages, so this does make sense–seeing the whole thing in a book is not a bad learning tool. Unfortunately, it DOES address a somewhat common issue.
April 18, 2008
At 10:35 am javelin said:
and the next book in the series will be called “My beautifully-fucked up Daddy”, written by Michael Jackson’s kids.
“Daddy said: As I got older, my nose began to cave in due to a lack of support caused by the prior removal of all cartilege…”
they should also make a book called “My beautiful Mommy’s frozen face”.
p.s. love the reference to “Are you my mother?”, Candy– delightful book!
April 18, 2008
At 12:42 pm Bee Hind said:
“My Beautiful Mommy’s Chemical Peel.”
April 18, 2008
At 1:14 pm Demon kitty said:
I agree Javelin.
April 18, 2008
At 1:30 pm amy said:
wow this won’t mess up young girls’ self-esteem AT ALL!
April 18, 2008
At 2:27 pm midevil said:
Hey, if mommy’s doing it, let’s all do it! Yay mommy!
April 18, 2008
At 5:28 am Vern said:
Do they have a chapter about how daddy had to beat down the bitch, um I mean mommy?
Do they explain about Mommy’s job as a trophy wife in this issue or in the sequel?
April 19, 2008
At 1:09 pm Jenn F. said:
Do they explain that when a girl reaches her teen years and her boobs don’t look like Mommy’s big knockers, she’ll have to live with her insecurity and wait until she’s at least 18 before she can buy a set too?
Do they explain that everyone in the world is going to look boring-ly similar to one another?
Do they explain why having an original appearance is apparently shameful?
Do they explain that if they get off their fucking asses for a change and eat a salad once in a while instead of so many fucking ho-ho’s, they won’t have to undergo this expensive, unnatural, unneccessary, and dangerous method of weight-loss?
April 19, 2008
At 1:12 pm Jenn F. said:
Ooh! Ooh!
And what about the future therapy bills? Do they explain how you’re likely to invest in some serious psychotherapy down the road when you discover you’re miraculously still not happy with yourself and your life, even after you’ve transformed into a beautiful plastic thing that your family and friends no longer recognize?
Okay. I’ll stop now.
April 19, 2008
At 3:43 pm It’s British Bitch said:
This book reminds me of a contest the Washington Post ran a few years back “Children’s Books That Never Got Published” where readers sent in amusing suggestions for titles. A few I remember are:
“Bi-Curious George”
“Daddy Drinks Because You Cry”
“You Are Different and That’s Bad”
“How To Dress Sexy for Grownups”
I mean please tell me this Plastic Surgery twaddle is a piss take? somebody? please???
April 19, 2008
At 3:59 pm It’s British Bitch said:
I should add however that I am pro-surgery for mom’s tragically afflicted with a bad case of inbred-unibrow. I’m assuming everyone has seen the horror of the monobrow on that FundaMENTAList-Latter-Day-Saints mommy on the internets.
April 19, 2008
At 9:05 pm Vern said:
Brit Bit,
Are you aware that the unibrow is the new “Birkin Bag”? I mean, Gawd, Lourdes has one, doesn’t everyone want one?
April 19, 2008
At 9:54 pm TheThe said:
Tummy tucks don’t take away weight: they remove skin. Have your kids later in life (ie after 21), smoke, and/or suntan, and that skin is NOT going to bounce back. Have the wrong genes and it won’t bounce back even if you’re careful.
Sorry, Jenn F., to rain on your fat-hating parade, but facts are facts.
April 19, 2008
At 11:39 pm Eize said:
Boy, I’d hate to be the librarian in the children’s section when these come out.
“Miss Librarian, do you have a book on how to make my butt look like Kim Kardashian?”
April 19, 2008
At 12:27 am It’s British Bitch said:
Vern: Which unibrow do you prefer? The classy style of the FLDS-Unibrow with a matching prim little girl-stache or the edgy, unstructured look that Lourdes is rocking?
*Birkin Bag* snicker, totally forgot about that until you mentioned it.
April 20, 2008
At 4:47 am Vern said:
Hee Hee Brit!
I hate to be trendy but I think I like the edgy one!
And I meant to applaud your sharing of the children’s book titles! But I was so busy laughing and ok I had a leetle bit of wine, so I forgot. But they are a riot!
April 20, 2008
At 9:01 am It’s British Bitch said:
Edgy Vern: Remember how the mullet was “business in front, party in the back?” Well I am going to go for a versatile unibrow. It will be big, bushy and sassy in my leisure time and then I’ll get a big ass comb (probably the type used for grooming horses) and lots of gel and I’ll smooth it all down for sleek business-look. Oh yeah and the anti-plastic surgery kids book would be: “Women can be hairy too!”.
P.S. Loved your chapter suggestions.
April 20, 2008
At 9:19 am Vern said:
NOW I know why they call you “It’s British BITCH”! You done made food snort out of my nose I Yuckled so hard!
Bitch! But…your brow is so beautiful, you know I can’t stay angry with you! *purrrrrrr*
April 20, 2008
At 12:05 pm Jenn F. said:
Thethe: Fat-hating parade? Are you slow? My comments are all pretty clearly anti-plastic surgery, not anti-fat. I didn’t say anything specifically about tummy tucks… I was talking about the countless people that go for lyposuction and continue to live with unhealthy habits.
Brit Bit & Vern: You can always try the two-brow to uni-brow by working a good comb-over of both brows into one. Hatchacha!
April 20, 2008
At 12:49 pm Vern said:
Jenn F-
I love a parade!!!!!
But I love your “Are you slow?” line even better!
P.S. thanks for the fashion tips, as you can see I need them!
April 20, 2008
At 3:23 pm Jenn F. said:
Vern, with your fantabulous hair you are undoubtedly the fashion queen of this Circus.
April 20, 2008
At 8:18 pm Vern said:
*blushes*
cheeks match hair
Why thank you Jenn F, you are too kind!
April 20, 2008
At 10:17 pm frewt said:
Well there’s a transparently mercenary attempt to further ‘normalise’ plastic surgery. Dr Evilhauer isn’t fooling anyone.
Tell people there’s a need for something and there’ll always be some idiot who agrees. Ahem….
April 20, 2008
At 8:21 am It’s British Bitch said:
Jenn F. - “Are you slow?” LMAO, I’m going to zing people with that, it’s brilliant!
Vern and Jenn.F. - “Facts are Facts”. Cats are Cats. Brats are Brats. Twats are Twats. It is also a fact that Jenn’s “comb over” unibrow idea is genius. I’m going to grow mine in and then create the Trump-Mono from hell. Vern: I’d be honoured if you would run your glamour-puss paws through my comb-over mono of an evening. *Meow!*
April 21, 2008