Filed under: April Fool's, Media, Tabloid Roundup
Although Star magazine doesn’t hit newsstands until tomorrow, the Circus Hour crew has been granted a sneak peek at its upcoming cover:
An exclusive excerpt from the Jennifer Aniston cover story after the jump.
Jennifer Aniston is successful, attractive and rich beyond anyone’s wildest dreams, making her the most eligible bachelorette in Hollywood.
Not that marriage and babies are on the near-term agenda, mind you.
“As Jen nears 40, she feels she is finally hitting her stride,” reveals an Aniston insider. “She loves being single! Jen hasn’t given a second thought to Brad [Pitt] and his growing gaggle of kids; she’s been too busy shooting back-to-back movies, not to mention enjoying margaritas by the pool with her bevy of hot suitors.”
Unfortunately, the same cannot be said for Brad, who often reminisces about the less stressful, more sex-filled life he shared with his ex-wife, according to sources.
“Those recent pictures of Jen in a bikini really tore him up,” says a friend of Brad’s. “He’d forgotten what a tight bod she has.”
For more on this story and other celebrity news that you would never see in a tabloid, check out the new April Fool’s issue of STAR magazine, hitting newsstands nowhere near you.
Posted by 14 and Candy ♦ April 1, 2008
At 12:59 am Eize said:
Happy April Fools to you too.
April 1, 2008
At 5:05 am kathleen said:
Oh to be a fool and have this cover be true!
April 1, 2008
At 5:31 am Miss Mezza said:
Can’t say i’m a fan of Friends (never watched it) or Jen in particular… but i prefer her to Mange-elina — i don’t think wimpy Brad was any great loss. He and the sanctimonious maneater slag deserve each other.
April 1, 2008
At 5:48 am Aine said:
i like angelina and jen-so i’d like both of them happy.
but this cover is probably closer to the truth than what they actually put on the rags.
jen must be living it up-i know i would.
April 1, 2008
At 9:03 am Holy Terror said:
This is sort of off topic, but I just learned our ability to see color declines with age! Another reason it sucks to get old! There is a test on this site to see if your ability has degenerated in any way. I did pretty well, thank goodness!
http://www.funstufftosee.com/colorblind.html
April 1, 2008
At 9:48 am midevil said:
Well, to be quite honest, I’m really Perez Hilton, just spying on you guys all the time.
April 1, 2008
At 11:50 am martini lover said:
happy april fools to everyone!
April 1, 2008
At 12:34 pm Demon kitty said:
I am really tired of Star rag’s cinderella/wicked step mother crap they come up with for Jen and Bradgelina. I agree with Miss Mezza 100%
April 1, 2008
At 1:16 pm Aunt J said:
Brad Pitt finally admits he cheated on Jen.
April Fool’s!
April 1, 2008
At 6:31 pm Jenn F. said:
Holy Terror, I disagree. I think it’s going to be a riot to get old. I can’t wait to be 95 years old so that I can act like a senile freak and get away with it. Think about it… you can sit on your porch in your rocking chair, throw dried up dog turds at the school kids and scream “Cock suckerrrrrrrrrr!!!” and what are they going to do? Nothing. Parents will tell them to hurry past and not look at the crazy old lady on her porch. It’ll be a fucking laugh.
April 1, 2008
At 9:41 pm Holy Terror said:
Well Jenn F. I never looked at it that way. It DOES sound kinda fun. Can I have a lot of cats too, like 20 cats? Ooh and a dead stuffed canary that I talk to?! I’m kinda looking forward to it all now. Thanks!
April 1, 2008
At 2:21 am Demon kitty said:
I am not so much worried about my sight and color and all that. The idea of having to wear Depends would just get to me. However, in the spirit of Jenn F, I would probably take them off and throw them at people I hated.
At all comes out of the wash at the end of the day.
April 2, 2008
At 4:40 am Miss Mezza said:
Jenn F, i gasp in admiration. How rare it is to hear such words. i say ‘the older i get, the less i care’ about age. I got friends who are dead, so i just think, ‘well, i’m still here.’
I’m not much of a one for poetry, but you make me think of that fabulous thing by Jenny Joseph ‘Warning.’ It’s probably on the internet somewhere. She begins by saying:
‘When i am an old woman i shall wear purple/With a red hat which doesn’t go, and doesn’t suit me./And i shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves/And satin sandals, and say we’ve no money for butter./I shall sit down on the pavement when i’m tired/And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells…..’
She goes on to describe other outrageous, socially unacceptable acts she can’t wait to perpetrate under cover of the excuse of age, and concludes by saying:
‘But maybe i ought to practise a little now?/So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised/when suddenly i am old, and start to wear purple.’
So why wait?! Get in some dog-turd practice now!!!!
April 2, 2008
At 3:11 pm Peta said:
The day the tabloids don’t write about Jen still pining after Brad will be a happy day indeed…or a sign of impending doom. Whichever comes first.
April 2, 2008
At 9:23 pm psychochick said:
Her eyes always remind me of a scared cat.
April 5, 2008