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Filed under: Beauty
HOT PICK: Injectable Motor Oil
On the heels of yesterday’s Beauty Week review of the revolutionary Leeches and Urine Youth Beauty Serum, comes a celebrity beauty treatment sure to take you from 60 to 20 in 4.54 seconds: Freeze Face Automobile Lube.
With this home injection spa, there is no need to get your own Dr. Jiffy Lube from Argentina, like Priscilla Presley did. Simply inject and fill!
“Mmmm…rrrrrrr….mmmm,” said Circus Hour beauty editor, Candy, who’s no longer able to move her face after sampling the treatment. “Nnnnn…uhhhh,” agreed art director, 14, who also took the spa lube injector for a test drive.
Available at Home Depot and Ace Hardware stores nationwide. Other uses include car engines, motorcycles, heavier vehicles such as buses and Tom Cruise’s mothership, boats (fixed engine installations and Jay-Z’s pimped out yachts), ride-on lawn mowers, large agricultural and construction equipment, and a last-resort substitute for KY.
Posted by 14 and Candy ♦ April 1, 2008
At 12:29 pm Demon kitty said:
You know the picture of the doctor looks like her is tied to the lawn chair. You are brilliant 14! Incredibly brilliant. All this shit celebrities put into their faces. Fuck man! They look like the mortician got through with them for the wake.
April 1, 2008
At 12:46 pm deanna said:
damn i love that. the squeeze pump is brilliant! i used to feel sorry for these folks,but when the news came out they were having botox parties in the luxury of their multi-million dollar homes, no doubt cuz they were getting it cheap, i lost my sympathy. anyhow all i know is priscilla’s mug is just flat all that is wrong with this world.
April 1, 2008
At 1:09 pm Aunt J said:
and a last-resort substitute for KY.
Aunt J laughed out loud at that.
April 1, 2008
At 6:03 pm Eize said:
Beauty enhancer AND a substitute for WD-40! I’ll take two!
April 1, 2008
At 6:51 pm librarian kathleen said:
Perhaps the next must-have cosmetic enhancer will be dog poop.
Now, understand, I don’t mean just any old dog poop. I mean dog poop that comes from those teeny tiny yip yappers that celebutards carry around with them…those poor creatures must be fed on some weirdo bizarre variation of the food that their celebutard owners eat, right?
(O.k., excuse me, what I meant was, they eat the food their celebutard owners eat and then throw up. Sorry.)
It must be tough, very tough, for a canine to find itself so thoroughly devolved from a noble wolf to the the sort of thing that famous folks like to cart around in uncomfortable but expensive designer carriers.
(And I am not blaming the dogs for this plague. May the gods and the Buddha have mercy on them. Who would have thought that wolves could be so bred and inbred by humans over 50,000 years of domestication that we would have such creatures as chihuahuas, and so many varieties of so-called toy dogs? Yikes. Excuse me while I be sick.)
April 1, 2008
At 9:31 pm It’s British Bitch said:
Librarian Kathleen: the Chihuahua is a bad example in this case, they are the only “toy” breed not selectively bred down to a miniature size. They are indigenous to Northern Mexico and there are these incredibly cool temple dog mini-statues that are obviously Chihuahua based in both the Met and the Natural History Museum. One theory is they were used as a food source … nice. I always thought they were loathsome creatures until a pitiful example came in to the dog shelter where I volunteer. Long story short she came home with me and I had her five years until she died from a brain tumour. She was fool-tempered, yippy and had breath that is best described as necrotic. However, her likeness to the “BatBoy” from Weekly World News won her fans throughout the Tristate area. She also once bit a 120-pound Ridgeback on the lip for sniffing her bottom. That was premium.
April 1, 2008
At 9:34 pm It’s British Bitch said:
Feel free to pick on people who buy those “designer” hybrids though. It truly pisses me off to see people paying a fortune for a “Puggle” or a “Malti-Poo” etc. when there are even cuter little mutts and pure-breeds who need homes at shelters and in foster-homes.
April 1, 2008
At 5:40 am lotgk said:
She looks scary now. She needs to see a plastic surgeon to correct the damage. It’s painful watching her on Stars.
April 2, 2008
At 6:53 am Puppet said:
I LOVE that these ultra-vain “celebs” were taken for the foolios they are by a scheme that this lowly puppet saw on Dateline or 20/20 probably 2 years ago.
Foolios, the lot of them!!!
*DIABOLICALLY LAUGHING WITH PUPPET ASS SHAKIN’ AS SHE WALKS AWAY*
April 2, 2008
At 8:01 am jbonz said:
What’s needed now is a baseball cap with twin tanks attached and rubber tubing that inject a constant supply of spooge directly into the face. Girl’s gotta look her best at all times!
April 2, 2008
At 12:27 pm It’s British Bitch said:
JBonz: genius! Quick - get a patent in before someone steals the idea.
P.S. like use of the word “spooge” as well.
April 2, 2008
At 6:00 pm Jenn F. said:
Puppet ~ you can’t walk away! You can only bob up and down!
April 2, 2008