Filed under: Beauty
Hollywood is driven by youth, beauty and, less relevantly, sex tapes — so it’s no wonder that celebrities have managed to get their hands on the keys to the Fountain of Youth.
However, stars are no longer the proprietors of these hush-hush beauty regimens. Yes, the Circus Hour team has managed to get its hands on these long-held secrets, which we will share with you as part of our Beauty Week celebration. So sit back, grab a glass of celebratory champagne (or two or three, which, as you’re about to find out, will come in handy) and join us as we unlock and review the best of stars’ secrets to Eternal Youth…
HOT PICK: Leeches and Urine
Want to glow like leech-loving Demi Moore and anti-pimple piss advocate Vanessa Williams?
Well, now you can!
We’re a sucker for this beauty serum, which combines the anti-bacterial properties of urine and detoxifying effects of leeches to rejuvenate the skin.
“Just when I thought I was going to hurl from the leeches drawing blood from my nose, I was distracted by the smell of the serum. The donor must have had asparagus,” lamented Circus Hour beauty editor, Candy. “But my complexion has never looked better!”
“Candy really does stink now,” agreed Circus Hour art director, 14. “She also seems dizzy from the loss of blood, but at least that pimple on her chin is gone. Now that was gross!”
Leeches and Urine Youth Beauty Serum, $400, Sephora.com; free with a trip to the bathroom and local pond. Follow-up shot of Pepto-Bismol recommended.
Posted by 14 and Candy ♦ March 31, 2008
At 12:10 pm ubee0173 said:
now i know why the homeless look so damn good!!! count me IN!!
March 31, 2008
At 12:16 pm martini lover said:
“The donor must have had asparagus”
hate to say it, but i really am lol’ing!
March 31, 2008
At 1:44 pm EVA said:
Like they say.. crapola in a box. Everything those dumb ass celebrities advertise is crap, they just need to be seen with something or talk about something and ppl will buy it.
Dumb morons who ever listens to celebrities and their “miracle beauty secrets”! Crap!
March 31, 2008
At 1:51 pm aemerker said:
muahahhhaha one of ur best posts everrrr
…..leeches and pee…….. 0_o
ewwwwwwwww
March 31, 2008
At 3:36 pm Demon kitty said:
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha haaaaaaaaaaaa Candy!! The asparagus is classic as fuck and true. I was at a sushi bar with a friend of mine a year ago. He ordered a salad that had asparagus in it. I looked at him and said, “Are you going to fuck your girlfriend later on today or tonight?” “Probably,” he said, “why?” I started laughing and told him he should NOT eat the asparagus in his salad. He looked at me like I was nuts. A couple of days later he called me and said that he and is his girlfriend were fucking. She stopped and said, “what is that? what have you done? what is wrong with you?” Then he caught himself and told me that that was too much information. God, I laughed. I laughed and laughed and laughed. I am trying to imagine performing oral sex on someone who had eaten asparagus. My brother was on an asparagus kick once. I would take the asparagus he bought and put it in the most bizarre places - like on the dash board of his fucking truck.
You know, in Germany, there is a book called “urine, a very special drink.” That probably was not the best translation. The book is about the healing properties of drinking your own piss. A friend of mine from Koeln - her father suffered from MS. She told me every morning he would drink a glass of his piss. I am telling you, I am waiting for the day these fucking celebrities start smearing their faces in shit - any day now.
March 31, 2008
At 3:45 pm Dr. L said:
Asparagus flavored body fluids are an aquired taste.
March 31, 2008
At 6:13 pm Eize said:
Candy should have tried the pee from an alcoholic. Great exfoliant!
March 31, 2008
At 9:47 pm CPTWilly said:
Didn’t Patricia Heaton talk about some kind of Goat testicle cream as a beauty treatment?
Celebrities are gross.
March 31, 2008
At 4:56 am that_girl said:
Ew, ew, EW! I know the real secret of dipping into the fountain of youth: botox and plastic sugery. How can anyone feel comfortable putting piss and leeches on their skin?
April 1, 2008
At 8:45 pm javelin said:
oh demon kitty, you have hilariously disgusting stories.
April 1, 2008
At 12:37 pm It’s British Bitch said:
Demon Kitty rules. Seriously DK you really ought to start a blog like Librarian Kathleen was suggesting the other day. I would absolutely read your blog with hilariously disgusting stories and tell-it-like-it-is commentary on stuff in celebrity/other news.
April 2, 2008
At 10:41 pm Demon kitty said:
Thanks British Bitch and Kathleen (wherever she is)! I could never let the Devil loose on a blog of my own. I am too lazy. I could never create a blog like this!!! But, I am so flattered though! Kisses to you and Kathleen. I am only comfortable acting like a maniac on this blog! It really feeds that obnoxious child in me that wants to shock and disgust everyone! I like your comments too, especially when you posted that link to Chyna’s clit. I am still laughing at that.
Are you posting from the other side of the Atlantic or are you an expatriate? You don’t have to answer that if you don’t want to. Privacy is important. I wonder how much of mine I am giving up on this blog! Shudder to think!!!!
April 2, 2008
At 12:24 am It’s British Bitch said:
Ahh yes how I can relate to being the high-spirited child acting out! It’s fun to be able to show off in cyberspace pasting links to Chyna’s clit-thing and being generally mean-spirited to people I don’t even know (provided they are celebs). It sure beats getting drunk at boring office parties and the like showing people my tattoos, trying to hit on people and breaking the copier while trying to photocopy my arse.
I grew up in Manchester, UK, but I’ve lived in NY for about 8 years now.
April 4, 2008
At 1:36 am Demon kitty said:
Manchester, UK? Are we talking West Midlands, aka Black Country???? Correct my British Geography if I am incorrect! I had a friend who was dying to become an old woman! First she told me she was from Manchester and then she told me she was from Birmingham! She was actually from Darlaston - I don’t know if I even spelled that correctly, LOL and girlfriend - THAT WAS MY FIRST MOTHERFUCKING EXPERIENCE IN THE UK!!!!!!! I left Germany during Xmas and went to England all to happy about not having to speak fucking German and letting my hair down. Then I was in Black Country sitting in front of the telly while it was ice cold outside drinking shitloads of cream tea! It would have been cozy, except for the fact that my friend’s family (with the exception of her father, who was so fabulous) were acting like they were all at a fucking funeral. I was the yank who was a marathon sleeper. The tension began to build …. I started having to excuse myself to go to the bathroom in order to laugh. My friend who was in her mid twenties, but aspired to be 60 had issues with her fucking visa. We were in Luton in her sister’s microscopic flat and we got in a fight over the television show “Fools and Horses” or “Fools in Horses or something like that.” The silence was hostile. Then one day, when her sister was at work, after a sumptuous breakfast of cream tea and a small crust of bread, the telephone rang. The funeral continued as my friend answered it. She always barely spoke above a whisper. She picked up the phone and said, “She’s not here …. I don’t think that is appropriate.” She was in shock. Then she said, “this bloke called for my sister and when I said she wasn’t here he said, “well why don’t I come over, pull down your knickers and make love to you!” She was livid. I suddenly felt delirious. I excused myself and went into her sister’s bathroom, grabbed her face cloth, stuck it into my mouth and began to laugh. That was the best part of the entire trip. I should have disappeared once we got to London. The minute we were engulfed by the masses in the tube, I should have ran like hell into the crowd when she turned her back.
You have tried to photocopy your arse at the office? I used to photocopy my armpits and my face with my mouth wide open when we got a new photocopier at my last job. I was burnt to a crisp and my psycho boss who just happened to be from Lancashire had driven me insane. I was convinced she had escaped from the Priory and was a criminally insane fugitive living in the States. As fate would have it, I met a dyke from Lancashire who had recently relocated to work in the States, shortly after I quit my job. The second time we hung out, we discovered that we were both on the same exact antidepressant! Ha ha ah aha ahaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!! We don’t speak anymore.
That was a mouthful wasn’t it? I tried to become an expatriate once, in a half-assed kind of way. I bought a one way ticket to Germany. I think that says it all!!!!!
April 4, 2008
At 9:58 pm It’s British Bitch said:
Demon Kitty: OMG you crack me up! You’ve summed up several horrendous aspects of British culture perfectly: 1) The stony silence and tense atmosphere rather than being assertive and telling someone what is pissing you off either a) It’s nothing to do with them it’s … or b) You wish they would/wouldn’t do whatever because … 2) The unwritten super-quiet speaking rule while in tense atmosphere mode 3) Cream Tea 4) Crap sitcoms like “Only Fools and Horses” 5) Random blokes calling up and offering to service you with their uncircumcised knob-cheese-ridden peen. (Statistics have it that most British men are not cut so few baby foreskins are available for beauty products in the UK). I think my favourite part is having to leg it into the bathroom to laugh, especially the face cloth bit. You need to do a travel book m’dear, it would be on the bestseller list.
I’m afraid lied about trying to photocopy my arse to make myself sound more interesting! The other parts are true though.
April 4, 2008