Filed under: Beckhams, Sexy Time
You likely woke up this morning asking yourself, “I wonder how the Beckhams’ sex life is going?” No? That was just me? Oh, well. I’m going to tell you, anyway…
Apparently, it’s either going very well or is in need of some “outside” help: Victoria and David were spotted visiting The Pleasure Chest — which happens to be just a few blocks away from yours truly (Yup! That’s how I roll!) — where they bought massage oil, lubricant, a Cyberskin vibrator, a leather braided cane and a padded black collar and restraint.
The Sun reports: “They were walking round the store holding hands and David was carrying a small shopping basket. Victoria was very vocal, cracking jokes constantly. They seemed to know exactly what they wanted and after asking an assistant where various items were kept, they grabbed what they came for.”
Which leads me to a pressing question: What the hell is a Cyberskin vibrator? Sounds like something that exists only on a computer, just like many men’s “relationships” with Sports Illustrated swimsuit models. Well, thanks to craigslist, an amorous woman explains:
Now, if you’ve never touched “cyberskin,” it’s a somewhat new material–a bit cold when you first touch it, but frighteningly REALISTIC. I’m not kidding. It even sort of stretches and moves like real skin. This was definitely different than the outdated “lipstick” style vibrator I had at home. . . My new “cyberskin friend” guarantees that I’ll never feel that huge disappointment when I fumble in a man’s drawers and find what feels like a tiny mushroom. Great, I used to think. 2 inches of hard-on. There’s no time a wasting when I can reach into my drawer for 6 3/8″ of fun EVERY TIME. Gotta dig that! Mr. C isn’t just hot during the honeymoon stage. He NEVER calls me up and tells me he’s too busy, tired or too-much of an asshole to drive over to my place for FREE sex.
And there you have it. No more PAYING for tired, busy mushroom heads, ladies! Not only that, he never says the wrong thing during dinner with the parents!
Posted by Candy ♦ March 13, 2008
At 9:59 am scungilli said:
paints all kinds of pictures, huh? good for them for pursuing variety. have to wonder, though, if anyone’s told them about mail order? maybe they were in a hurry.
March 13, 2008
At 10:08 am Rich said:
I feel the need to point out a few things.
Beckham’s Hat - “conjuction juntion what’s your function?”
Victoria is so not pretty and all the fake kinkiness in the world won’t make her so
Online fake romances are so lame, however Candy and I have something special
Mushroom? I got moo goo gai pan going on!
March 13, 2008
At 10:38 am Dr. L said:
My dirty mind is somewhat put off by the collar, whip, and vibrator combo. Good thing they got the lube.
March 13, 2008
At 11:22 am midevil said:
Sex toy contract?
March 13, 2008
At 11:50 am Demon kitty said:
I want them both to go back to Britain … NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Why do we always have to get the shittiest people from the UK????????
March 13, 2008
At 11:50 am deanna said:
these two nuts just miss being in front of a camera.
March 13, 2008
At 2:16 pm martini lover said:
posh probably punishes herself by spanking herself with the cane whenever she feels hungry.
March 13, 2008
At 2:52 pm CPTWilly said:
Keep reachin for that mushroom, ’cause one day your gonna find a portabella!
Hey Rich: Conjunction Junction: Hahahahahahahaha.
March 13, 2008
At 4:04 pm Amber said:
reeks of a publicity stunt. Of course with his teeny weeny, she may need the affection of a dildo.
Hey they use it on Tom, what was I thinking….
March 13, 2008
At 6:10 pm Demon Kitty said:
Maybe Beckham, Tom, and Will are no longer doing the dick to lower intestine connection. These bitches are going to the scaffold when the revolution comes.
March 14, 2008
At 6:01 am Miss Mezza said:
I didn’t even read this post. I’m just dropping by to say i’m so disappointed in all youse Yanks. When Posh and Becks first weighed anchor with you you were all asking ‘why should we care?’ Now you all do, apparently. Oh the shame of it.
Just make sure to stay well away from Jordan and Peter Andre and i might still have some respect for you, OK?
March 15, 2008
At 12:21 pm Major-Bastard said:
Their marriage must be in the shit if they need to purchase goods from a sex shop.
And why buy a cyberskin vibrator? is that to shove up her arse while David pumps her?
March 15, 2008