Filed under: Britney Spears, Open Letters
It’s been a long time since you’ve made an appearance ’round these parts. I see you’ve been praying for your return. Ask, you shall receive…
So, Brit, I hear you cried yesterday when you found out Adnan was turned away from your home because of your dad. I totally understand. My dad wouldn’t let me go to the movies with Jason Reisdorf when I was in seventh grade and it bummed me out, too. I even made an airtight case in Jason’s defense, something along the lines of “YOU WOULDN’T DO THIS IF I WAS A BOY! I’LL HATE YOU FOREVER IF YOU DON’T LET ME GO OUT WITH HIM!” but even that stirring speech didn’t move my dad. May’ve even gotten me grounded. Aren’t parents the worst? But now, 17 years later, Jason is a cashier at a Sheetz with six kids in Mechanicsburg, PA so maybe my dad was onto something. And maybe, just maybe, yours is, too.
A little British birdie with an ear for gossip and an eye for “age-ravaged skin” also told me you’re getting a $1500/week allowance. Be wise with it. My grandma always suggests savings bonds. I personally like to invest in red at the Taj Mahal. Regardless of whose financial advice you choose (bet on red, bet on red!), don’t spend it all at one Taco Bell, okay?
And that new gig on How I Met Your Mother? Well, all I can say is, “I’LL HATE YOU FOREVER IF YOU SCREW UP MY FAVORITE SHOW ON THE AIR!”
Take care of you,
Candy
Posted by Candy ♦ March 11, 2008
At 9:12 am Maybelline Jones said:
Sheetz!!!! I live in Sheetz country - western PA - and even interned at their corporate office while in college. Thanks for mentioning some Pennsylvania loveliness in your witty posting, Candy!
March 11, 2008
At 9:52 am Moonlight Dancer said:
Red!?!?! As Wesley Snipes says, “Always bet on Black”
March 11, 2008
At 11:00 am Candy said:
Hey, Maybelline! I grew up in Central PA and am obviously quite familiar with Sheetz, myself. The Keystone State is representin’!
March 11, 2008
At 11:00 am PoorBritney.com said:
My lil Brit Brit looks cuter than usual with her new hair extensions lightly dipped in frapp and her nails are simply stunning and perfect for prayer!
March 11, 2008
At 11:35 am Jane said:
I haven’t missed her, she could go away forever and that would be bliss!
Candy, father knows best!
March 11, 2008
At 11:44 am Dr. L said:
Absolutely, barking. Barking mad.
March 11, 2008
At 12:23 pm Marie said:
Sheetz, good food fast, not fast food.
That makes me want a shmuffin and some slim jims.
March 11, 2008
At 12:39 pm Bee Hind said:
Thank you for wearing a bra.
Now please comb your hair.
March 11, 2008
At 1:08 pm martini lover said:
hope she’s praying for a better weave.
March 11, 2008
At 7:32 am Grandmastah Tash said:
I couldn’t agree more. I wish Britney all the best with her recovery but if she screws up How I Met Your Mother, which I’ve already heard is in danger, I’ll have to hate her forever as well.
Sad but true.
Sidenote: NPH is killer on How I Met Your Mother.
March 12, 2008
At 11:35 am Buggles said:
My husband is from Mechanicsburg, PA, and we got married there! Can’t imagine why you’d ever want to leave…
We’re actually going there this weekend. Got anyone you want us to say “hi” to? Perhaps your ex at the Sheetz? I’m pregnant and will no doubt get a craving for one of their subz. Ta!
March 12, 2008