Filed under: Beauty
CIRCUSgirl Magazine Beauty Product Review
Photo Illustration by 14
Written by Candy Kirby
Take one look around Young Hollywood and you’ll see that fresh-faced youthfulness is so last year. From Ali Lohan’s Long Island soccer mom look to Miley Cyrus‘ truck stop hooker makeup, all the hottest teens are hopping on the middle-aged bandwagon!
Of course, not everyone is lucky enough to have stage parents pushing them into premature crow’s feet — but now you, too, can achieve that adorable weathered look with the help of insta-age™.
“It really works,” reveals CIRCUSgirl beauty editor, Candy. “My thirteen-year-old cousin used it for a week, and she looks like a real hag now. I swear, I even see gray hairs and yellowed teeth. Any time I want to look younger, I just stand next to her. It’s great!”
While on the insta-age™ regimen, our team found it’s also best to avoid water, leafy greens and role models who encourage you to act your age.
Posted by 14 and Candy ♦ March 11, 2008
At 11:28 am Faylinn said:
I wish I knew about this when I went shopping yesterday! I was at the mall and some woman asked how old I was. According to her, I look years younger than I really am (I’m in college so I must look like a high schooler to her. NOT GOOD). In fact, that woman looked like Ali in the after photo. Apparently looking 40 is the new look of Hollywood.
Well, I’m off to start tanning, smoking, cake on makeup, and do lines off of someone’s ass.
March 11, 2008
At 11:38 am Jane said:
These girl’s destiny was to be skank. Miley Cyrus is one ugly, ugly girl, both inside and out. Great work 14!
March 11, 2008
At 11:51 am Shelly said:
This makes me sad to see Miley so skanked out..
Especially since I just spent $9.99 on a Hannah Monanna wall clock for my 10 year old.
The other one, the Allie, needs to stop listening to her mother, cause she’s not pretty.
Don’t these fucking kids read the gossip blogs that point this shit out on a daily basis?
March 11, 2008
At 12:28 pm CPTWilly said:
Not Maahly Saaahrus too! For pity’s sake, don’t tell Billy Ray. His achy-breaky heart just won’t understand.
March 11, 2008
At 1:06 pm martini lover said:
it’s all part of dina’s evil plan to make her daughters look older than her.
March 11, 2008
At 1:42 pm Vern said:
Do these bitches know they are supposed to appy this shit and not SWALLOW it?
Cause they SOUND pretty rough as well.
March 11, 2008
At 6:18 pm Eize said:
I think there’s an oral version of Insta-age coming out in the market soon, Vern. The scientists are still testing out the kinks–all their subjects started sounding like Joan Rivers after 20 packs of Marlboros instead of acquiring Fran Drescher’s nasal whine.
I personally can’t wait to see Ali Lohan in person. I’ll look YEARS younger standing next to her!
March 11, 2008
At 6:52 pm Vern said:
Oh Eize! Gotta love technology! Can we do shooters?
March 11, 2008
At 11:36 pm Demon Kitty said:
I think the Oral Version of Insta-age is the mixture of various loads/wads/cum from various men, cheap vodka, cheap tequila, cocaine, speed, meth, ecstasy, and nicotene.
March 11, 2008
At 1:49 am Eize said:
Oral Insta-age comes in three flavors! Choose between the pill and the syrup versions.
March 12, 2008
At 8:32 am audrey said:
you guys are great !!! i haven’t laugh this much in weeks XDDDDDDDDDDD , thanks.
March 12, 2008
At 6:05 pm Demon kitty said:
God, I fucking hate Hollywood.
March 12, 2008