Filed under: Beckhams, Beckhams Art
When a Chinese condom manufacturer made the wise decision to slap David Beckham’s smooth golden image onto a box of poorly selling condoms, they immediately watched sales skyrocket to number one in China. Beckham didn’t approve the use of his image and he’s not endorsing or making any profit from it (Poor Posh, just imagine all the day-glo Hermes bags she’s missing out on hoarding).It’s amazing how one can take a bunch of flimsy rubber, cram it in a box, add a picture of a pretty soccer player on the front…and then sit back and watch the profits roll in. I’m in the wrong business, I tell ya. What many of you don’t know is that it was I who designed the Beckham condoms box. Yes, it’s true…I have lucrative International Chinese connections. The winning design is above, but below, I’m sharing the rejected designs I submitted:
Sitting in the boardroom of the International Abundant Wai Hung Chemical Plastics and Beef Manufacturing Concern, LLC, I explained to the large group of managers and board members that sometimes reality is more compelling than fantasy. So why not use a raw paparazzi photo of Becks instead of some slick, overly Photoshopped image? I told them reality TV and paparazzi-captured candids were really hot in the US, but after much deliberation, myself and the 120 managers didn’t see eye to eye. Design REJECTED.
When this image came up in the presentation, I heard a hushed murmur race across the meeting room. Some of the men became flushed, a few appeared to be sweating….and several started fanning themselves until the more composed others shot them a look that brought forth the clearing of throats and a shifting in the seats. “Well, what do you think of this one?”, I chirped. The room was silent for a few moments as nervous glances were exchanged. The room became warm and humid, the windows fogged…and then the chairman let out a resounding “NO!” Design REJECTED. Medium: photo composite, created in collaboration with Candy Kirby.I’m still on hiatus, but the new site is launching this month. I’ll spill the beans with all the details soon.
Posted by 14 ♦ February 1, 2008
At 6:59 am Jujupiter said:
Shame. I really like the last one.
February 2, 2008
At 9:15 am Wendy said:
God that is so effin’ funny. 14 you are SO talented. I had an idea for a Britney image this morning, do you remember those old English images of the wealthy being entertained by watching the inmates of a lunatic asylum? I can’t remember if they were 18 or 19th century images, or if they were paintings or engravings. I think they may have been images of Bedlam. I think that’s a great metaphor for Britney now.
February 2, 2008
At 9:48 am Jessica said:
That last one made me spit my drink out!
I think they should call the condoms “love you long time” and call it a day.
February 2, 2008
At 10:32 am tala said:
i think i just pee’d a little.
cant wait to see the new site!
February 2, 2008
At 1:38 pm Vern said:
I love the new graphics, but I’m sorry to see the extra “lead and toxins” go. I was starting to like that extra “tingle”.
February 2, 2008
At 1:49 pm Earl said:
“Now with less lead and toxins” - that hardly sounds like a product anyone should get intimate with. Gotta say ‘Bedroom eye’ really should’ve been a winner in the matey regular-guy-like-us scheme of things.
February 2, 2008
At 8:09 pm MK said:
LESS lead and toxins? So how much are left?
February 2, 2008
tiffy
At 5:23 am tiffy said:
The chinese characters on the top means “long lasting”, and the ones on the left means “prevents early ejaculation”. This is spot on!
February 3, 2008
At 2:09 pm Knox Bronson said:
You are SO mean!!! imagine how the last box would sell in the castro.
Glad you took a break from the new site to post something here on GOTA … we all need a little 14 fix every so often!
thank you beautiful!
February 3, 2008
At 3:27 pm Demon Kitty said:
You are hysterical 14!
I love the very last image. How perfect. His ass with his legs in the air.
You have cheered me up as a slave away for the evil accounting test I have on Wednesday night - specially created by my evil proffessor: Dr Jeckle and Mister Hyde.
February 3, 2008
At 4:02 pm Demon Kitty said:
You mean no one wants lead in their orifices? I don’t understand.
In the first picture, he looks like he is straight out of International Male.
The man is gay.
February 4, 2008
At 8:00 am gilmore said:
I’d like to see Mr Beckham model these.
Miss you 14,
xoxo
Gilmore
February 6, 2008
At 3:14 pm Elizebeth said:
I like the bedroom eyes the best. And does less lead an toxins mean they are gone completely or just less? I don’t think I could do without them.
February 6, 2008
At 8:42 pm Viper Tetsu said:
How the hell did you manage to take the funniest paparazzi photo of all time and make it funnier? Rock on, genius girl.
February 6, 2008
At 6:53 am twist said:
The Bedroom Eye!!! ROFLMAOASM (and crapping myself) seriously i almost did and i’ve also been constipated for a few days.. so hopefully this will help. Thanks, bye
-twist
February 9, 2008