Filed under: Fashion
I like to take my fashion cues from corpses who spew their “venom” like Dr. Seuss on acid, which is why I always wait with bated breath to see what Mr. Blackwell — and my grandma — have to say about the fashion victims of yesteryear*.
I’m sure you’re equally as breathless, so I won’t keep you in suspense any longer:
10.) Alison Arngrim: “Little Nellie of the prairie, looks like a 1940’s fashion editor for the Farmers Almanac.”
9.) Lindsay Lohan: “Lindsay the fashion frenzy strikes again! Lohan takes fashion to a new low.”
8.) Jessica Simpson: “Forget the Cowboys. In prom queen screams, can it get any worse? She’s a global fashion curse!”
7.) Avril Lavigne: “Gothic make-up courtesy the mad spatula-Fashions provided by.. The house of Dracula!”
6.) Eva Green: “Stuck in neon nightmares not fit for the sane. Fashion this loud could give Bond a migraine! A profusion of confusion from toes to nose!”
5.) Kelly Clarkson: “Her heavenly voice soars above the rest… but those belly-baring bombs are hellish at best! She may be the queen of ‘Pro-Active’ – but that wardrobe looks downright radioactive!”
4.) Fergie: “Another style-free ‘Fergie’ in fashion’s hall of shame? Yes, when it comes to couture chaos, guess it’s all in a name!”
3.) Mary Kate Olsen: “YIKES! In layers of cut-rate kitsch, Mary Kate’s look is hard to explain… she resembles a tattered toothpick-trapped in a hurricane!” (Ed. note: If Mary-Kate warrants all-caps, then I’m quite certain she also warrants the top position. Rules are rules!)
2.) Amy Winehouse: “Exploding beehives above…tacky polka-dots below… she’s part 50’s car-hop horror.”
1.) Victoria Beckham: “Forget the fashion spice - wearing a skirt would suffice! In one skinny-mini monstrosity after another, pouty posh can really wreck-em.”
Oh! And he forgot…
Mr. Blackwell: “Fright of the Living Dead… his opinions are as relevant as Paris Hilton at a UN disarmament meeting.”
*Britney spared this year due to complete and total insanity
Posted by Candy ♦ January 8, 2008
At 12:40 pm martini lover said:
mr blackwell is still alive?
January 8, 2008
At 12:47 pm Wawa said:
He is not a poet, but he doesn’t know it.
January 8, 2008
At 1:20 pm Jenn F. said:
Who is this guy? Does he have real knowledge about fashion or a background in the industry? I’m curious as to whether there’s any education or experience behind his opinions, or whether he’s just some old dude who is uncomfortable moving with the times. I don’t know all of the names on his list, but most of them appear to be a younger crowd. Perhaps he’d be more comfortable if everyone continued to dress like it were the 40’s and 50’s? I’d be interested in knowing his credentials. Someone fill me in?
January 8, 2008
At 1:47 pm princess bride said:
posh is far from the worst dressed. she’s outrageous but at least she takes chances and has an entertaining wardrobe. better than the angelinas of the world who wear all black every day. ~yawn~
January 8, 2008
At 2:10 pm Javelin said:
well Mr. Blackwell, how curious that you claim to dislike Posh’s style, yet you look just like her. Whatevs, I like her style, she keeps us guessing.
January 8, 2008
At 2:18 pm midevil said:
Posh–I’m afraid her rock hard boobies kill it for me every time.
January 8, 2008
At 2:22 pm Vern said:
Doesn’t he know the trolls are really rich and he should be nice to them? They also still wear fur either because they don’t know how to use the internet OR it’s all that “fuck you” money they have.
January 8, 2008
At 4:59 pm Paige said:
Leave my girl Kelly alone. She has more talent in her little pinky than you do in your entire body Blackwell!!
January 8, 2008
At 5:31 pm B. said:
Amy Winehouse shouldn’t be on the list. Amy is a crackhead. Crackheads don’t have the time to think or care about fashion. Crackheads only focus on crack.
January 8, 2008
At 5:58 pm midevil said:
B., yeah, when you are too saturated to think about wearing clean clothes, you really can’t be measured up against others on the fashion scene.
January 8, 2008
At 6:42 am doodlewhore.com said:
You know Ms. Blackwell’s getting long in the tooth when Nelly Olsen is still on his fashion radar.
January 9, 2008