Filed under: TomKat
Biographer Andrew Morton – whose pets are totally going to end up in a pot of boiling water — has moved on from his controversial Princess Di biography to tackle Jesus Cruise and Scientology. The Daily Mail has a few gems from the book, including:
Book: Many Scientologists believe Suri was conceived using the frozen sperm of L. Ron Hubbard. Morton compares the conception to Rosemary’s Baby, “in which an unsuspecting young woman is impregnated with the Devil’s child.”
Candy: If Katie Holmes didn’t “suspect” what was happening when they inserted a turkey baster, then she needs to get thee to a sex education — or cooking — class STAT.
Book: Tom Cruise has become second in command of the Church of Scientology.
Candy: That’s great, but… are those bars of gold floating around in that picture above?
Book: Tom has an oddly close relationship with Scientology leader, David Miscavige, who even joined Tom on his honeymoon with Katie.
Candy: Didn’t Katie suspect something was “off” when Tom and David got their own room?
Book: When Tom was dating Nicole Kidman, he told David he wanted to run through a field full of wild flowers with her. So David had his Scientology posse plant a field near Tom’s home. He didn’t like it the first time, so he made them do it again.
Candy: That should have been Nicole’s first sign to run for the hills.
Book: When you join Scientology, they “audit” you and tape all your confessions. Nicole Kidman has kept her mouth shut because she’s afraid her audit tape — which contains details about her sex life — will be leaked.
Candy: A little goat lovin’ is nothing to be ashamed of.
Book: When Tom was dating Penelope Cruz, her father intervened by e-mailing an anti-cult organization.
Candy: Mr. Cruz deserves a nice Father’s Day gift.
Book: Tom’s next mission is to recruit David Beckham.
Candy: Posh seems like she would be right at home on the mothership.
Posted by Candy ♦ January 7, 2008
At 10:57 am Michelle said:
I know that it’s probably just me, but Tom Cruise is creeeepy. Something about his persona… the way he looks… I don’t know just something about him ain’t right!
January 7, 2008
At 11:34 am Javelin said:
nothing good ever comes from the word ‘audit’… I always wondered why Nicole didn’t spill the beans after awhile.
it’s not just you, michelle, it’s the robot-esque vibe that surrounds the Cruise clan. very creepy.
January 7, 2008
At 11:57 am omj said:
For the love of all that is holy, Candy (sorry just could stop myself), DON’T FORGET TO LOCK YOUR DOORS!
It’s not a good time to be messin’ wit’ da Cruise. As noted, he’s CREEPY and will crush you with his zenu and his mental abilities.
Be safe, girlfriend, I need gossip on the regular.
January 7, 2008
At 12:07 pm Bee Hind said:
Nothin’ like joining a religion that uses blackmail to keep its members in line.
January 7, 2008
At 12:19 pm Vern said:
He’s Tammy Faye without the human qualities!
January 7, 2008
At 12:59 pm Julie said:
Vern: and the make-up.
January 7, 2008
At 1:09 pm martini lover said:
i would have a lot more respect for nicole if she came forward with the truth and claimed her kids.
January 7, 2008
At 5:13 pm Zip said:
Tom Cruise will easily win in court. This is nothing but slander and rumor mongering…and that isn’t fair to anyone who is a victim of that sort of attack.
You can imagine Tom Cruise entering court with a DNA test that conclusively shows that he is the father of Suri, case closed.
January 7, 2008
At 6:26 pm Jenn F. said:
The only thing about N.K. that annoys me is her seeming addiction to Botox. I always have so much more respect for someone who’s more natural… especially when it comes to trying so hard to avoid the natural process of aging. Where her kids are concerned, it’s hard for me to make a judgement call when I can’t claim to know the real facts behind their family relationships. She can’t be all that bad of a person, can she? Hell, at least she got away from Mighty Midget.
January 7, 2008
At 7:05 pm Vern said:
Was Nicole ever really a scientologist? I thought that’s what broke them up-that she wouldn’t give in.
January 7, 2008
At 8:38 pm midevil said:
Nicole was always a Cat-lick girl. Marriages in Hollyrude, especially in Cruise’s case, are about contracts anyway, not “faith.”
January 7, 2008
At 4:15 am scott said:
was that a scence from hollyworld term limits… yes i made that up.
January 8, 2008
At 4:22 am scott said:
i gotta say, Tom can sure do sci-fi flicks… that wasn’t a joke. i didn’t like his earlier films, but he’s getting better all the time.
January 8, 2008
At 9:09 am bv said:
The Church of Scientology received it’s 501c3 status in 1993, I believe. You can go to http://www.guidestar.org to find out for sure. I think celebrities use it as a tax shelter. You can write off up to 50% of your income a year to a 501c3. They would rather you think they were a crazy cult than a tax shelter. Carry on.
January 8, 2008