Filed under: Holiday Tributes
What a pleasant surprise — not only have I received a holiday card from the Simpsons, but also the Lohan family! Now that I’ve washed the residual fake tanning solution from my hands, I thought I would share their card and moving message with you as well…
Dearest Family, Friends and Any Media Outlet Willing to Write About Me,
I can’t believe it’s already been a year since I sent out our last holiday card – the same year I celebrated my 30th birthday. Wow. How time flies.
My sisters … okay, fine, my daughters, little Cody and I are celebrating the holidays in Long Island this year. And, let me tell you, we sure are dreaming of a White Christmas. It’s been way too long since we’ve enjoyed some fresh snow – no, not THAT kind of snow. You should be ashamed of yourselves. So what if Lindsay was arrested a couple times for possession of cocaine, transportation of a narcotic, driving under the influence and driving with a suspended license? Nothing wrong with a little harmless partying. Kids will be kids!
But let’s talk about me some more. I had one heck of a year. My Christmas gift came early when my jailbird husband Michael and I divorced in August. Unfortunately, the settlement didn’t include a gag order to prevent Michael from talking to reporters. Seriously, that guy is such a media whore! That’s why people don’t view him as a caring, protective parent, like they do with me. Speaking of which, once I got Lindsay back into rehab, I finally had an opportunity to shine. I scored a show at E! where I’m putting my other kids to work, made the tabloid rounds and caught up with some of my old Rockette buddies. Ah, it seems like just yesterday I was making up that story, er…I mean, kicking with those gals at Staples Center. Or wherever it was that we performed.
I’m also proud to report that, in addition to working on another album after the success of “Lohan Holiday” (it sold almost whole 10 copies!), Ali has blossomed into a beautiful, 30-year-old-looking woman. Seriously, it’s just like looking in a mirror!
In the stirring words of my beautiful daughter, Lindsay: God bless, peace and love always. “BE ADEQUITE”
Dina, Lindsay, Ali and Cody Lohan (and Michael)
Graphic created by the most adequite 14 at Gallery of the Absurd
Posted by Candy ♦ December 20, 2007
At 6:45 pm bluehawaii said:
Innocent, wholesome, Americana at it’s best. They’re just like a Norman Rockwell painting.
December 20, 2007
At 11:06 pm Javelin said:
I think I can read lips… Dina’s
saying, “quick, take the picture, me and
Lindsay are up next — we’re doing a mother-daughter stiptease to the club remix of ‘O
Holy Night’!”
December 20, 2007
At 7:27 am Alex said:
The only qualm I have is that its not “in Long Island” its “on Long Island.” You don’t live IN an island unless you’re some sort of sand mole.
December 21, 2007
At 7:58 am martini lover said:
“in” is correct. you say “in new york” or “in los angeles” but you don’t actually live IN those cities either.
this made me laugh so hard. i love that 14 used dina’s face for ali. priceless.
December 21, 2007
At 10:20 am Julie said:
I love how the dad’s pants are under his arm pits. LOL!
December 21, 2007
At 3:18 pm Jenny said:
ew Ali looks just like her horse faced Michael Jackson-esque mother.
December 21, 2007
At 8:52 am howie said:
well, martini lover,you have the entire population of long island and the nyc boroughs to explain that too, since every single one of them says “ON” long island.
December 22, 2007
At 9:07 am martini lover said:
well, howie, i live in manhattan, so that’s one person i won’t have to explain it to.
i didn’t say “on” was incorrect. i just said “in” was gramatically correct too. chill out.
December 22, 2007