Filed under: Beckhams, Beckhams Art
The Posh Elf is a tiny unsmiling creature who can often be spotted vehemently guarding the Great White Bulge of the Beckham mountain range. Similar to the torrid geological structure underlying Yellowstone National Park, the Great White Bulge is located on unstable ground prone to rise and harden in between short periods of flaccid dormancy. Posh Elf sinks her sharply spiked elf boots into the smooth firm soil atop the Great White Bulge to prevent it from rising whenever another elf wanders too close. Although the Posh Elf has a strict policy of never sharing The Bulge with others, she does invite eager photographers to swing by and take photos of the awe-inspiring natural phenomenon. She delights in dangling it in front of others while boasting and braying about its large size, “it’s a huge one…it’s like a tractor exhaust pipe.” The Great White Bulge isn’t as faithful as Yellowstone’s famous geyser, and this causes the Posh Elf to devote even more vigilance toward her guarding duties. medium: graphite on paper, digital color.
Posted by 14 ♦ December 17, 2007
At 9:37 am Annie said:
Oh, terrific! Love the armpit flab!
December 17, 2007
At 9:58 am doodlewhore.com said:
I don’t think you made her nose “piggy” enough. I kid. Love that über timely disgusting flap of mystery skin dangling from her pit. The devil is in the details and you nailed it, lady.
December 17, 2007
At 10:16 am Erik said:
Yow, this is fantastic, scary and spot-on! The skin flap is like an eye magnet and those big ol’ soccer ball (or football if you prefer) boobs are hilarious.
Becks and Posh can go back to England anytime, they won’t be missed.
December 17, 2007
At 10:47 am I DON’TREALLY THINK, I JUST WALK - Paris Hilton said:
Becks is hot, Posh is not.
I think she admitted somewhere that she never eats any sweets, ever, to stay skinny! That’s probably why she is always so pissed off.
December 17, 2007
At 11:58 am Kerri said:
“[S]he does invite eager photographers to swing by” the double entendre of the day! Thank you 14 for the laugh, you are fabulous!
December 17, 2007
At 1:04 pm stuck in AL said:
Yep, that’s pretty much how I see her too - except with a much bigger handbag! 14, you are so great! Thank you for the wonderful entertainment!
December 17, 2007
At 1:11 pm Javelin said:
for some reason I just want to chase her around and tickle her til she’s weak with laughter.
December 17, 2007
At 1:23 pm midevil said:
Well, if that’s not the skinny on the flab between her ears…
December 17, 2007
At 1:33 pm Vernice said:
I love it but I have to say the “bells” look like extra tumors to me.
And where can I get the gloves-they are too fun!
December 17, 2007
At 3:45 pm Glorious Karl said:
What a misguided woman. She’s nearly haggard and not beautiful in the first place. She looks dour, not sultry. Her breasts are as alluring as a Burger King crown.
Poor Beckham has just one testicle. It’s a big one, though!
December 17, 2007
At 3:57 pm Demon Kitty said:
I have come to despise this woman. I really despise her. Her pig nose, her circumcision hair cut, her anorexic, overly tanned body. Damn you Marc Jacobs! Damn you! How could you? How could you? She must have paid him. She must have paid him. Oh! I. KNOW. WHAT. HAPPENED!!!!!!
Marc Jacobs wanted to fuck David Beckham.
So, in exchange, David requested that Victoria be the face for Marc’s attire right before bending Marc over, taking his great white bulge out of his pants, and sticking it to Marc. David Beckham is gay! And all this talking about his massive Big Jim to the public, proclaiming their great sex life, and comparing his wiener to a goddamn motherfucking tractor exhaust pipe? Me thinks the lady doth insist too much!
December 17, 2007
At 5:34 pm Kristen said:
At least she is smiling for once. LOL
December 17, 2007
At 5:48 pm WTF said:
Demon Kitty said:
Me thinks the lady doth insist too much!
Me thinks the same!!
But…she is fun to watch and he’s yummy.
December 17, 2007
John Galt
At 12:54 am John Galt said:
Nailed it! That expression is perfect, the feet are perfect.
This is just so spot-on! I laughed myself till my cheeks hurt. And then my face started hurting, too.
December 18, 2007
At 3:41 am Aimee said:
I’ve seen lately another one of her. So funny!
http://www.plasticsergeant.com/uploads/JR/0V/JR0VhWemXn8MrLdHCM6HEw/posh.jpg
December 18, 2007
At 5:55 am joe to hell said:
but i love vicky!!!!!!!!
i dont know why tho…
but she is a brunette now damnit
December 18, 2007
At 7:24 am Amazing said:
But isn’t it nice to know that Posh really has some extra fat/skin/whatever somewhere? I rather like the concept of a rich woman who’s gotten her own and ins’t about to give it away to some destructive cult, but I really love what 14 does with rich people in general. In fact, I think my all-time favorites are TomRat and the Scientology Last Supper. Travolta light in his loafers is the ultimate. 14, I’d buy a print of both, if they weren’t too expensive.
December 18, 2007
At 8:16 am lmj said:
love the ‘nothing but spike heel’ boots!
December 18, 2007
At 9:25 am gilmore said:
I’ve been to the Beckham Bulge mountain many times. Many, many times and have always enjoyed myself. Of course my trip there consisted of me slobbering all over my laptop while looking at his underwear ads. Lord have mercy.
That Posh is one lucky Elf.
December 18, 2007
At 11:40 am pondering said:
Wow… that really, really looks JUST LIKE HER. Incredible!
December 18, 2007
At 1:43 pm Jenn F. said:
I love this. I love that I’ve come snivelling out of my corner of pet loss and see this fantastic seasonal piece on V.B.
I can’t explain it… she fascinates me. I don’t know why. She always has. Whether it’s her low self esteem, her fashion choices (most are good, some are not), her super hot husband (I’m with you, Gilmore), her crappy past being ostracized and ridiculed by vicious schoolmates, or her insistence to be who she is and not what others want (she doesn’t like how she looks when she smiles, so she doesn’t smile much for the camera)… I must confess, she interests me greatly.
I’m not a fan of how extremely thin she is, I’m not a fan of her orange skin, and I never liked her as a blonde. The boobs were a bit much for a while, but they seem to be calming down with age, thankfully. And big honking hooters are no different than wearing a sandwich-board which says “I hate myself! I’m not good enough! I’m ashamed of my imperfection!” which makes me feel sorry for the person. We’ve all had days like that… but sadly they’ve acted upon it in some permanent way.
But in the same way that as a kid I liked to pour kettles of boiling water into ant hills just to watch the hundreds of little corpses come floating up, I just can’t explain why my ears and eyes perk up when I see or hear something from her. She’s interesting to me. Fascinating, actually.
*shrugs helplessly*
December 18, 2007
At 4:31 pm Elizebeth said:
This is scary, good but scary.
December 18, 2007
At 5:26 pm mellen said:
That waddle of “goo” hanging from /as her arm pit. Heeeee.
That freakin nose really truly bothers me. Your version is tolerable. lol.
The clincher is the “string bean” legs. Jeezsus! Too funny.
December 18, 2007
At 7:49 pm Remorseful Karl said:
Wifey’s cousin convinced her to get a new haircut, and she’s been batting around some ideas. Just now we went to the supermarket and Wifey picked up a magazine–Elle or Vogue or whatever–and excitedly showed me the cover.
Yeah, she wants to look like Posh Spice. When the karma rains it pours.
December 18, 2007
At 8:28 pm 14 said:
Remorseful Karl,
If that’s the case, don’t let Wifey go near the produce section of the supermarket - she might spot the grapefruits and become even more Posh-inspired.
xoxo
14
December 18, 2007
At 10:40 pm Demon Kitty said:
Don’t feel bad Jenn, I wanted to have sex with Posh for 5 nanoseconds.
Midevil, the idea of bears hanging out in a landfill makes me laugh!
Dear Gilmore, I think lots of men have been to Beckham bulge and ridden that tractor exhaust pipe. David Beckham is gay.
December 18, 2007
At 6:18 am midevil said:
Demon Kitty,
David Beckham is NOT gay! He is BIsexual! At least, he better be, because I said I get him after Gilmore! *stomps foot and glares menacingly*
December 19, 2007
At 3:27 pm karen b said:
Priceless! Personally, I think he stuffs those ample underpants. His, not hers.
December 19, 2007
Peanut
At 10:37 pm Peanut said:
I’m afraid of her feet!
December 19, 2007
At 1:46 am hathor said:
let it snow,
let it snow,
let it snow!
h.
December 20, 2007
At 9:35 pm Pauly said:
I just realized Posh was standing on Beck’s bulge from the underware ad. I love you for that. Marry me.
December 22, 2007
At 1:56 am Viper Tetsu said:
The caricature was so incisively, snickeringly hilarious that it took me several seconds to realize that she was standing on, um, tackle equipment.
Thank you for continuing to pick on the least interesting and funniest-looking of the Spice Girls. The likeness is sublime, but for one quibble: The skin’s not orange enough. Then again, if you made her orange enough, it’d hurt our eyes. Bad.
December 24, 2007