Filed under: Media, Top 10 Lists
Christina Aguilera kicks off 2008 by posing naked on the January cover of Marie Claire, which is about as novel as Britney Spears flashing her baby maker to the paparazzi. In fact, Britney has done this cover before — as, of course, has Demi Moore — which is why we (meaning me and my cats) at Holy Candy have prepared a list of Top 10 Ways Christina Aguilera Could Have Made This Cover More Shocking:
10. Reveal that she’s not pregnant, just chunky
9. Actually wear a human-like amount of makeup
8. Announce that Prince Von Anhalt is the babydaddy
7. Pose with Jordan Bratman (who she calls “Super Sperm” in the interview) wearing a “Super Sperminator” costume
6. Use a photo of her actually giving birth (just a matter of time)
5. Reveal that she’s bartering her baby for Shiloh Jolie-Pitt
4. Announce that she’s going to rehab to kick her addiction to Sephora
3. Wear, you know, actual clothes
2. Share the secret of how drag queens can get impregnated in the first place
1. Spoof Britney Spears’ VMAs performance:
Click to enlarge. Marie Éclair a collaboration between Gallery of the Absurd and Holy Candy. Cover graphic and additional touches of hilarity by GOTA. Also check out Gallery of the Absurd’s take on the other, Buddha-like photo of Xtina.
Posted by Candy ♦ November 29, 2007
At 11:37 am Julie said:
LOL!!! #2, definitely. That 2nd pic doesn’t even look like her/him.
November 29, 2007
At 11:39 am helltotheno said:
thanks for making me laugh! i was having a shitty day but this has cheered me up.
November 29, 2007
At 12:43 pm bv said:
I am not looking forward to this issue in my mailbox. Marie Claire has sucked since they got a new Editor a while back.
November 29, 2007
At 1:07 pm Happy Go Lucky said:
Love the list and Britney pic!
One thing I like about Xtina is that she does
what she wants, regardless of how bad she looks.
This however, is pathetic. IT’S PLAYED OUT! Plus
we’ve all seen her naked already no thanks to
the Dirrty video.
November 29, 2007
At 4:34 pm Carina said:
I know everyone says she looks “fierce” and whatnot, but there is (and I hate to say this) a tasteful way and a distasteful way to pose pregnant and naked.
She looks really cheap.
November 29, 2007
At 5:44 pm Jane said:
Um, can you say, “attention whore”.
Another anonoying poptart with a f**ked
sense of self.
I think she has absorbed too many chemicals
from all of that s**t she wears on her face,
skin and ‘hair’ and is completely
brain damaged. Sucks for the baby she
is carrying.
November 29, 2007
At 6:59 pm librarian kathleen said:
I guess we females should all feel
that this new image of pregnancy –
letting the belly hang out of clothes
and posing nude for the covers of
magazines — is somehow empowering.
But it just seems like the same old
exploitation/exhibitionism to me.
Or, maybe I’m just too old…
November 29, 2007
At 9:07 pm bluehawaii said:
Nah…
…putting away your big belly is always a good idea.
November 29, 2007
At 4:46 am bitterjealousfatties.com said:
That cover still doesn’t answer my question. Do the drapes match the carpet?
November 30, 2007
At 9:18 am martini lover said:
another great collaboration b/w candy & 14.
November 30, 2007
At 9:49 am CC said:
So sad…..
November 30, 2007
At 11:41 pm Christina said:
I usually like this magazine, but this is silly. First off, I don’t give a damn that she’s pregnant nor do I really care to see her naked. If I want naked women, I’ll buy a Playboy. Second, I am so fed up with ridiculously airbrushed pictures of women that are not realistic at all, and now we have pregnant women being airbrushed. I highly doubt anyone who’s pregnant looks that flawless all over. It’s especially annoying since I subscribed to Marie Claire because I felt that they actually covered important things and tried to portray more realistic women. I am seriously considering cancelling my subscription after this and the Britney article a while back.
November 30, 2007
At 1:33 am Holy Terror said:
librarian kathleen says:But it just seems like the same old exploitation/exhibitionism to me.
Or, maybe I’m just too old…
—————–
Nah, you’re right Kathleen old or no. See, even pregnant women have to look “bangable” and sexy. We don’t get a break for being old OR pregnant anymore. I’m tired–somebody peel me out of my thong/tight jean/stiletto uniform and get me a Mr.s Roper mumu.
December 2, 2007
At 1:35 am Holy Terror said:
bitterjealousfatties.com says:That cover still doesn’t answer my question. Do the drapes match the carpet?
——————
I think that would be seriously detrimental to the carpet, all that bleach and all.
December 2, 2007
At 4:43 am Jill said:
Does she not realize that she always looks orange?
December 4, 2007
At 3:27 pm denise said:
Oh my heavens, that cover photo. Will the baby’s first words be “fake-n’-bake?” Will she airbrush her child with a vegetable-based dye for its first photo?
December 6, 2007
At 3:37 pm Jonas Rios said:
I think she looks beautiful. I esp. love the 2nd pic. Haters are always going to hate…
December 12, 2007
At 3:47 pm Cruise said:
She’s a lot more classier than those other hollywood girls. Embrace the pregnant body, it’s beautiful.
December 12, 2007
At 3:47 pm Maria said:
Christina has chosen to keep much about her pregnancy under wraps until now. I look at this as the unveiling. As for the makeup/Britney comparisons etc get over it. She is an amazingly talented woman, who has a wonderful marriage, numerous hit albums, and a baby on the way. She is really excited about being a new mom, and as a new mother myself I can only imagine how incredibly happy she is. Rock on Legendtina
December 12, 2007
At 4:46 pm Kyle said:
I don’t find this funny. We didn’t bash Demi for posing nude. We didn’t bash Britney for posing nude either. It’s a beautiful thing-why not show it off? Christina looks gorgeous and has a lot more class than any of her peers. Lay off.
December 12, 2007
At 11:22 pm Psychochick said:
She has class?????? She is skanky and slutty. If Christina Aguilera has class, the Britney Spears has intelligence.
December 18, 2007