Does the world need yet another
Paris Hilton-branded product? Apparently so. Not satisfied with
Paris Hilton apparel,
Paris Hilton hair extentions,
Paris Hilton purses,
Paris Hilton shoes,
Paris Hilton watches,
Paris Hilton jewelry,
Paris Hilton books,
Paris Hilton music, now Paris
pollutes graces the world with her fourth fragrance:
Can Can.
Paris appeared on David Letterman to promote
Can Can but Letterman was more interested in grilling her about her horrible experience in jail. After Dave suggested Hilton’s time in the slammer would become her “contribution to the young people of this country”, Paris grew visibly impatient and changed the subject back to her perfume, clothing line and horror film (or did she say “whore” film…I wasn’t sure). When Hilton said her fragrance was inspired by the
Moulin Rouge in Paris, I thought it might be more appropriate if her fragrance were inspired by the city’s
other legacy,
Dog Poop Capital of the World. She could call it
Crottes de Chien, a fancy-sounding French term for dog poop.
You know what’s sick? If Paris did actually create this fragrance, it would probably fly off store shelves.
Medium: ink on paper, digital color.
Posted by
14 ♦ October 2, 2007
At 11:38 am Sandy said:
Wouldn’t it be lovely if Paris somehow dropped off the face of this earth and took all of her skanky products with her. As usual I love your work, 14. The thing that always gets me are the sad eyes. It’s easy to feel sorry for the little chihuahua but I’m even sorry for the poor crabs. Now that’s real talent!
October 2, 2007
At 12:16 pm midevil said:
Good gawd, satan! That crab arm thing almost looks like a *gasp* sex toy!
October 2, 2007
At 12:56 pm Genevieve said:
Ewww de parfum? Poofumes?
Brilliance. I love the details.
October 2, 2007
At 2:05 pm just wonderin said:
Sad eyes my butt! Look closely at that puppy’s eyes-they are not pupils-they are skull & crossbones. 14 is trying to hypnotize us into buying the stink juice. I refuse the refuse!
October 2, 2007
fishpucker
At 2:13 pm fishpucker said:
Ha Ha! You hit the nail right on the head 14! Paris is polluting our society with all her skanky products and brainwashing tweens into thinking that partying till you puke and flashing bits is fashionable. “Poofmues” ~ too good!
Oh, I just heard Britney lost her spawn, I trust we can count on an illustration…
October 2, 2007
At 2:33 pm Demon Kitty said:
Have we not been assaulted enough by this relentless barrage of Bimbo bullshit from Hell? Paris is like the herpes she has, she is here forever.
Maybe if we get lucky, someone will put a Jihad or however you spell it -on her. I really though it was funny how some Islam extremist referred to Shitney and Madonna as prostitutes and talked about cutting off their heads. Yeah. I suppose that makes me fucking sick, but dear god what the fuck has to happen for these bitches to go away and NEVER, EVER, EVER COME BACK????????? I should watch my words, because deep down inside, deep inside the nether regions of my subconscious, I just know Britney is going to attempt suicide.
I will never by celebrity products.
October 2, 2007
At 2:52 pm Marie said:
I’m waiting for L’Eau de Pouty Lip!
That capture of her looking “sad” is classic and annoying, and that’s what it’ll smell like -sad and annoying. Hee-hee! ;D
October 2, 2007
At 3:12 pm parissucksliterally said:
I actually named her perfume “(I take it IN the) Can Can”
Crab Crab works well too though.
October 2, 2007
At 4:23 pm Anonandonandon said:
The only thing I would ever buy with Paris Hilton’s name on it is a bullet.
October 2, 2007
At 4:44 pm gilmore said:
Paris should just call it Eau de Skank.
I want a 14 perfume. It would contain notes of: cleverness, insight, humor, and 100% pure undiluted talent.
October 2, 2007
At 5:10 pm Viper Tetsu said:
Please in the name of all that is holy, good, and true: MAKE CROTTES DE CHIEN BOTTLES. They would be pure joy.
A few years ago, I was at DeGaulle Airport on a stopover (no, this is NOT a commonplace occurance for my grubby broke ass). Encircling everyone at the terminal, like some vaporous spectre, was the most overwhelmingly thick and vile stench my weary nostrils have ever experienced. The ‘help’ (a term used loosely) said it was because airport revisions had opened up some of the sewage lines.
I know what Paris smells like. And I’m sure that it’s close to what Paris smells like, if you know what I’m saying and I think you do.
October 2, 2007
At 6:11 pm Donna said:
YAY! Crabby makes another appearance!
October 2, 2007
At 6:44 pm Adam Smith said:
Dear DK.
What you are reffering to is a Fatwa not a Jihad.
Jihad simply means,”to struggle in the way of god”.This can encompass any kind of struggle involving the precepts of Islam, including;moral or interpersonal conflicts,ethical dilemnas,civil disobediance,struggle against injustice and oppression,and finally war in defence of the faith.The final meaning is of course the one that gets all the coverage.
A fatwa on the other hand,is a judgement made by an Islamic scholar or Religous Leader,relating to the interpretation of Sharia (Islamic) law.
Since it can be safely said,that Evil Paris Hilton probably breaks Sharia law on a minute by minute basis,having a fatwa issued against her should be relatively easy,if you could get your case heard.
Your main practical problem,would be in getting in contact with someone with the neccesary authority to issue a fatwa.They would then decide on the gravity of her crimes and what would be the most appropriate punishment.An Islamic judge would then take this fatwa under consultation,using it to decide on a course of action.
Of course you can circumvent that entire long winded procedure,by doing what I just did.When reffering to Evil Paris Hilton always use the prefix Evil.It works for George Bush when talking about his enemies,so why not let it work for you?
When writing about her just add Evil to her name and the connection is made to all sorts of terrible things.In a casual conversation about trivia and gossip,if Evil Paris Hilton comes up,shout “Evil” at the top of your lungs,followed by the name Paris Hilton,said in a sotto voce tone as quietly as possible.A whisper would be perfect.
It’s up to her of course,but if Fourteen were to use the expression “Evil Paris Hilton” in all future posts the meme would gain further weight and exposure.This would especially be the case,if she e-mailed all her fellow bloggers urging them to do likewise.Once the Hilton brand became associated with evil it would be incredibly hard to shake off.
Conspiracy theorists would blame her for everything from water fluoridation to U.F.O cover ups.
Alex Jones would use his amazing ability with illogic,to contort the facts around a wildly implausible argument to make make a documentary called,I dunno,
“Evil Paris Hilton.The truth behind 9/11 and the New World Order”.
Plus,no one would buy her shitty perfume,because all of a sudden it became associated with Holocaust denial.
All of this probably wouldn’t achieve your aim,of having her decapitated by crazed Jihadis interpreting a fatwa,(again,what is it with you and the extreme solutions?).
However,it would mean an effective end to Evil Paris Hilton’s career in showbiz and this can’t be a bad thing to aim for.
Remember,take it from the GOP on this one.
All it takes is that one particular word.
October 2, 2007
At 9:36 pm prettykitty said:
LMAO at the comment by Marie!
Great work, 14!
October 2, 2007
deanna1104
At 9:53 pm deanna1104 said:
hold on to yer cheetos yall, cause it’s bout to get bumpy…. ding dang!
October 2, 2007
At 10:21 pm Linda said:
LOVE the floating poopy!! You can make anything look cute 14!
October 2, 2007
At 11:48 pm Eize said:
If Paris DOES release a Crottes de Chien, sue her ass, 14!
October 2, 2007
At 7:38 am Rebecca said:
I love the pictures. I loved David Letterman - he’s just brilliant. Just like in the South Park episode - Paris Hilton is a “Stupid Spolit Whore” that turns being stupid&a whore into a commodity but generally marketable only to those in their teens, blind & desperate.
October 3, 2007
At 10:30 am Jake & Elwood said:
I kept waiting for Dave to make the obvious Can-Can joke given he was going on about her time in the can.
“I was inspired by my time in the slammer and this fragrance use notes of mystery meat, pine-sol, withdrawal sweat and essence of lesbian prison guards. We thought calling it can-can would be really fun and retro stripes are so HOT. We are also developing an orange can-can scent that is more reflective of a quiet night on the boards.”
October 3, 2007
At 12:22 pm Kimba said:
Delurking to say you are fabulous!
October 3, 2007
At 7:22 pm Demon Kitty said:
Dear Adam,
Thanks for the proper definition of Jihad. I got my definition from Eddie Izzard. I blame evil George Bush for Evil Paris Hilton. I truly believe that Evil Paris Hilton is a symptom of what Evil George Bush has done to this country. Madonna was a symptom of the Ray-Gun era. That’s when she reared her ugly head. I would say more about this but I am getting drunk and I need to do accounting. I suppose my extremist solutions have to do with the fact that the American media can relentlessly shove someone or something up your ass until you just can’t take it anymore.
October 4, 2007
At 10:20 pm Adam Smith said:
Thankyou D.K.
Eddie is a very funny man,but unfortunately not a great source of information on Islamic Jurisprudence.
Apparently he’s very knowledgeable about Apocalyptic Christian Cults of the 13th and 14th century though.
At least that’s what I hear on Malleus- Malleficarum.com.You can never trust those Witch Finder General fans though.
As for having Evil Paris Hilton continually shoved up your arse,in a never ending cycle of heiress to sphincter interfacing,well I can see how that would eventually become irksome to the point of extreme rage.
October 4, 2007
At 5:27 am Thorne Smith said:
14 –
You have to market petit crabe de Paris. That little guy is a marketing bonanza! Crab-Crab shirts, mugs, purses, stuffed dolls, and of course perfume, would eb all the rage.
Crab-crab rules!
October 5, 2007
At 8:27 am Kathleen said:
If someone other than Paris Hilton makes the Crottes de Chien perfume in the less than $25 price range, I would definitely buy it, if I felt like it at the time.
October 16, 2007
At 7:37 am Tara said:
Why hate on the gurl. If she wasn’t stanky rich it wouldn’t b a problem. People need 2 grow up, don’t u have a bill 2 pay or something.
November 6, 2007
kev
At 7:41 pm kev said:
I smelled it and it’s horrible and waaay too strong. Just imagine if Paris Hilton stuck a strawberry up her snatch… actually don’t.
November 10, 2007
amandA
At 9:49 pm amandA said:
HER NEXT PRODUCT SHOULD BE CRAB-CAKES LOL!
December 8, 2007