Filed under: Britney Spears, Britney Spears Art
I didn’t watch the VMAs. Sure, I was curious about how Britney’s big “comeback performance” would go, but I knew it would be all over the internet as soon as she finished, so why bother? Since I’m more inspired by what you have to say about Britney Spears rather than Britney Spears herself, I decided to illustrate some of the more interesting opinions I found regarding her performance:
Chris Crocker, Britney Spears fan/sobbing YouTube sensation, launches into tearful hysteria and eardrum-busting screams as he pleads to all of us to leave Britney alone. “Her song is called Gimme More for a reason because all you people want is more more more! LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE!!! sob.”
Nekesa Mumbi Moody of the Associated Press wrote that Britney’s performance consisted of “lethargic movements that seemed choreographed by a dance instructor for a nursing home.”
Michael K of Dlisted wrote, “I could have dressed a sack of potatoes up in a sequined bikini and turned a tired track on and have gotten a better performance and better lip-synching skills.”
50 Cent didn’t need words to express his bewilderment over Britney’s performance.
Dan Aquilante of the New York Post called Brit’s performance “totally lame, pathetically lip-synched” and that “Spears was stuffed into a spangled bra and hot pants and jiggled like Jell-O as she sleepwalked through the song.” What got me is when I read the part about how Britney “danced like she had a pantload.” Ouch.
Posted by 14 ♦ September 10, 2007
At 3:10 pm kdl said:
did you see perez hilton’s comparison of britney’s outfit/act to madonna’s during the girlie show tour?
September 10, 2007
At 3:52 pm just wonderin said:
Hey 14,
I used to think Britney went all Michael Jackson, but now I realize she went all Valley of the Dolls on us. (Understandable, after the way she was crammed into showbiz)
However, aren’t they supposed to give you the wakey wakey pills before a performance?
xxooxox
September 10, 2007
blahsheep
At 4:21 pm blahsheep said:
that sack of potatoes DOES look hotter than she did!
September 10, 2007
At 4:29 pm sugarbear said:
I started to believe there was a god when I watched the clips on the internet. And she has one hell of a sense of humor.
September 10, 2007
At 4:52 pm Annie Mahoney said:
The moment I saw that stunned look on her face in the opening close up, I lost all remaining pity for the girl.
I laughed hysterically through the entire performance and have heartily enjoyed all the reviews, including the ones you have highlighted here.
September 10, 2007
At 5:11 pm BadKittyCat said:
I’m soooo upset… the dance instructor has no sequined bikini… shame on you!
You’re great, I was hoping that you might react to the Britney Spears fiasco.
September 10, 2007
At 6:13 pm Genevieve said:
Fifty Cent’s look of utter shock at the end of her “performance” was seriously the best thing I’ve ever seen. Like “What is this, please, god, get me out of here, I’ve been shot multiple times but this I cannot deal with.”
September 10, 2007
At 6:22 pm gilmore said:
You’re taking crazy lemons and making lemonade. Or are you taking potatoes and making chili cheese covered fries? That geezer you drew could easily dance circles around poor Brit Brit last night. She needed about ten red bulls, smelling salts, and some good old sense. Oh and maybe a jacket.
Your take is always spot on my friend.
xoxo
September 10, 2007
At 6:32 pm Christina T. said:
Brit’s performance was like a car crash that I couldn’t peel my eyes from. Because of school, I haven’t had time to notice Ms. Spears was opening for the VMA’s until a few days ago when a commercial on MTV came on. I was shocked thinking “Is she really ready for that?” and after watching the clips on the internet, I have recieved my answer. She pretty much wandered aimlessly on stage while the real dancers were doing all the work. The whole thing was a mess, and reflected her to a T during this period in her life.
Even though she is pretty much an idiot, I can’t help feeling utterly sorry for her. Poor girl.
September 10, 2007
At 7:03 pm Divalicious said:
Brilliant! She still reminded me of a wooden marionette, complete with blank glassy eyed stare, but potato sack definitely works for me. I love your work, 14!
September 10, 2007
At 7:34 pm Eize said:
Wow. How long does it take you to create these masterpieces, Ms. 14? You’re pretty snappy, you are!
I couldn’t bear to see everything after watching a few seconds of it, it was so HARD. I am curious at the lack of criticism for Sarah Silverman; her monologue BOMBED. She didn’t get much laughs AT ALL. And Paris Hilton looked older than her mom there.
September 10, 2007
Jenn F.
At 8:16 pm Jenn F. said:
I can’t believe how much that performance sucked. It was an utterly half-assed attempt. That’s what pisses me off. Does she expect to make her millions just by showing up to things? She doesn’t even sing any more. And that definitely was not anything remotely close to dancing. Jesus Christ, even her lip synching was all off. What the fuck?! Why even bother trying to “come back” if you’re not going to put forward any kind of a serious effort? That was the most pathetic thing I’ve seen in ages.
Your dancing with a pantload illustration had me laughing, 14. I love that one the best out of this series so far.
September 10, 2007
At 8:36 pm Chansmom said:
I missed it but found it online, and I have to admit, she blew it. I have to wonder about those that get these incredible chances, and then still don’t get it. She needs to call it a day and make some smart investments on what she has left. She’s over, and I’m feeling bad for disliking her as much as I do. I just want to give her a good smack and tell her to wake up.
Her chickens came home to roost. She wanted someone else’s baby daddy, and she got him.
Good work, 14. I love the top heaviness. LOL!
September 10, 2007
At 8:52 pm Amy said:
That has to be the best illustration I have ever seen.
September 10, 2007
At 8:57 pm 14 said:
Thanks y’all. heh.
Jenn: We must hang out one day. I can tell we share the same sensibilities.
Elez: You’re sweet. All these ill LUST rations were done quickly in my sketchbook and I used the prestigious medium of pencil. How grade school!
Kdl: Yep, I’m going to try and get a Perez version done, but I might get bored of this whole Britney thing before I get around to it. We’ll see.
Thanks for your comments everyone.
XOXO
eff OH! ewe are TEE eee eee IN
September 10, 2007
At 7:19 am Francis Julian said:
I feel dreadful for her and have ever since she burst on the scene 10 years ago and we could all see the upcoming decline when gravity, babies, too much success, not enough personal development, and the shallow pond of Hollywood took its toll.
Britney was who the CD and concert goers paid for her to be and her management and ‘helpers’ all wanted their piece of the gravy train and were trying to get the defunct and ailing engine back on track.
This young woman is not well. She needs a lot of help AWAY from the public eye.
As for the fat jokes - my lord - I never looked that good on my best day. We are trashing Angelina Jolie and Nicole Richie and the Olsen twins for being too thin, then we turn about and call a woman who is thinner than Marilyn Monroe in her heyday, fat.
No damned wonder women are so screwed up. Plastic surgeons, diet empires, and fitness spas are raking in billions on our stupid insecurities and and our willingness to invent and support insipid goddesses.
Britney ain’t the first and won’t be the last to be invented, glorified, then crucified by the machine.
September 11, 2007
At 9:11 am karin said:
Brilliant work, 14!!! Maybe your illustrations will finally help people see this vapid crapload of mediocrity for what she really is. I STILL have no idea why this woman captured the public eye in the first place. Britney embodies the very essence of what is wrong with America’s McCelebrity Machine.
September 11, 2007
At 9:53 am just wonderin said:
I thought the utter disbelief on the faces of the audience was my favorite part, but I laughed so hard I popped my bag of cheetos when I saw your “Britney with a load” picture. You have perfectly summed up the WHOLE sordid affair.
much love and admiration!
September 11, 2007
At 10:15 am midevil said:
Francis,
Your response sent shivers up my spine. I remember back in the day, when I was proud I got hired to work in a strip bar, thinking, wow, my body is hot and yours is not–but one day, I thought, what will be left if I don’t have my body? NOTHING. It is a shame that people are still objectified and conditioned to believe that only their sex appeal matters.
September 11, 2007
At 11:54 am hamichok said:
Awww LOVE the lil’ legs on the potato sack!!! How CUTE!!! Shitney can only wish she were that cute!
Francis Julian: if you “never looked that good on my best day” I’m just thankful that you’re not jumping around in glittery briefs two sizes too small for millions of people to watch. It is not about how fat you are, it’s about respect to your body and to others. YES Nicole Ritchie is anorexic and so are many other obsessed celebrities, but it is possible not to swerve to the extremes. Look at Scarlett! Beautiful, sexual, a child star. Somehow I don’t think that she’ll ever be “crucified by the machine”, because she’s also.. hmm, what’s the word..? Smart!
Britney was a dumb bitch from a get go. I have NEVER heard her say anything intelligent, thoughtful, or compassionate, unless she was talking about herself.
September 11, 2007
At 12:10 pm Steve said:
Who set the bar so low for comebacks?
Ok, she dances better than a sack of taters, but the pantload comment is right-on-the-money. I hope someone wiped up after her when the show was over.
Thinking of taters, hey 14, you could start a whole series on “Tater Tarts”; an expose the blown come-backs of the 21st century pop-tart phenomenon. . .
September 11, 2007
At 6:25 pm Janina said:
Girl, you nailed it. Too funny.
September 11, 2007
At 6:57 pm itdoessuck said:
Your image of Mr. Crocker is great except for one thing; he wasn’t shedding any tears at all during his entire “performance”. What an actor!
September 11, 2007
Jenn F.
At 7:38 pm Jenn F. said:
BWAAAAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!!!!!
Chris Crocker’s latest video was absolutely hilarious! I’ve seen a few of his clips before, and they were a bit high on the drama scale for my taste, but I’ll admit he had some relatively decent points to make within the excessive babbling. But this ~ this took the fucking cake… I somehow imagine even Britney Spears herself watching the video and raising her eyebrows with a “Hooookaaaayyyy….”
September 11, 2007
At 9:14 pm Maria said:
dude, the Chris Crocker picture is PRICELESS!! Sobbing retard
September 11, 2007
At 9:45 pm Javelin said:
hahahahahahaha ~ Did u see the pictures of Paris Hilton & her new “look”? Maybe she was the retiree who choreographed the disaster.
September 11, 2007
At 12:13 am Riko-chan said:
Yeah, I have to agree with the comments saying that Brit’s body didn’t look too badly. If she had bigger hips, she would have a belly dancer body, which is my favorite kind. However, I still think that the bint is a pathetic, talentless excuse for a pop-star. She’s much more at home in the role of manic-depressive mother of two who needs that welbutrin prescription filled NOW.
September 12, 2007
At 3:51 am sugarbear said:
A strange thing is happening among the human race now people are judging their level of kindness toward all of humanity on not making fun of Britney and the elite machine that spawned her. To quote: “I will not be apart of the fending frenzy that bashes this poor girl. I feel so sorry for her. I feel deeply about these things.” Yet she boards her private jet goes shopping and doesn’t give a crap about you. Hmm…
September 12, 2007
At 4:13 am Helen Wheels said:
She’s a HUMAN!
You’re lucky she performed for YOU BASTARDS!
September 12, 2007
deanna1104
At 4:38 am deanna1104 said:
well at least the above named individual did make one last stab at saving her career by later forcing her none to interesting twaat into the forefront of the cameras later that nite. sorry brit you have already played the no underwear card. while i too have poked fun at senorita trainwreck, i cannot help but feel pity for this young woman. right now she’s sinking fast, and her performance, as well as the reactions to it is only speeding along a very predictable outcome. the only major headline i foresee in the future concerning brittney spears is one detailing a suicide attempt, and most likely a successful one at that if someone doesn’t save this girl from herself.
September 12, 2007
At 5:18 am midevil said:
Wow, that Chris Crocker dude is interesting.
Mmm, 50 cent. Puzzled indeed, like he’s in the twilight zone.
September 12, 2007
At 6:00 am Thorne Smith said:
14 — Great as usual! All the talk about Britney being “fat” I think is somewhat misdirected. Personally, I think her body looked fine, but when she chose to wear a bikini five sizes too small in a pathetic attempt to look sexy…that’s where things initially went wrong. Throw in her deer-in-headlights performance, and you have a winner. Curse you, Photoshop-in-a-Can! Where were you when one of your biggest abusers needed you most?
September 12, 2007
At 6:07 am Thorne Smith said:
Oh, and as for Chris Crocker…Dude, that better be an act. You are either (a) a very…interesting actor, or (b) a psychotic stalker who’s throwing up warning flags left and right. Take note all those without 20/20 hindsight: “We should have seen it coming…”
September 12, 2007
At 6:30 am Fairlady Z said:
Awesome pictures, as always. And lol at the pantload remark as well.
btw, I still can’t figure out if the Chris Crocker thing is a joke. The Superficial is saying his sobbing is all an act but in the Youtube video notes he says it’s not. Either way, it’s so annoying it pretty much makes me want to destroy the universe. I don’t want to live in a world where fans deluded to that degree even have a possibility of existing.
September 12, 2007
At 8:37 am Gigi said:
Poor girl looked as if she’d fallen down the rabbit hole with those large blank eyes.
Girl should have just said no, when they approached her about performing. Luv the work 14!
September 12, 2007
At 9:21 am Heather said:
I seriously just spit my lunch out looking at these images.
September 12, 2007
At 11:27 am cavawho said:
Leave BRITney ALONE!! hahahha! My tummy hurts from laughing. ; )
September 12, 2007
At 3:36 pm MC Haiku said:
you always brighten my day, 14.
hilarious.
thank you!
September 12, 2007
At 6:15 pm Demon Kitty said:
I thought that screaming Queen was a woman. I don’t know what to make of that.
Dancing like she had a pantload - that was priceless. You have made my night 14, as I force myself to read for Economics. Shitney aggravates the shit out of me. The look on 50 cents face made it all worth it.
September 12, 2007
At 8:02 pm Nina Nealon said:
This is incredible 14!!! I love the first one!! That’s genius!!!
September 12, 2007
At 8:55 pm Marie said:
Wow! Lots of comments, so much fun to read!
Just want to add how perfect all these drawings are and I second what MC Haiku wrote. I reeeaallly enjoyed the laughs. Thanks! ;D
September 12, 2007
At 9:01 pm hughman said:
the quotes were brilliant. the pic of s/he chris was brilliant other than the fact there were no real tears.
car wreck du jour.
September 12, 2007
At 10:03 pm bob bitchin said:
So Brit is having a rough time in her life. Like you never did? Give her some slack. Wish her well with her explorations. It’s not easy having so many peoples stupid energy directed in your space. Grow up and give the poor girl a break.
September 12, 2007
At 2:10 am Eize said:
Not so grade school. I can’t draw (though I’ve tried).
The Crocker thing–I’ll take your ill LUST ration for it. Weird guy.
September 13, 2007
At 9:35 am Eva said:
Ouch! I felt so bad for her, I couldn’t even look the first time, it was soo embarrassing!
I just don’t understand how a person with unlimited means ( $$$$ that is ) is incapable to hire a
- Trainer
- Hairstylist
- Wardrobe specialist
- Nutritionist
- Dermatologist
… and an adviser of some sort who’ll tell her not to shop for weaves in the $.99 bin, or that scrunchies are NOT Ok since 1998, and for gods’ sake that stuffing your cinnamon rolls and pork loins in a too tight sequin bikini, doesn’t look good, by using wise quotes such as: Less is more, or Leave something to the imagination Brit! I could do the job, come to think of it anyone can with half a brain!
Can someone explain any of the questions above? Please, I just don’t get it!!
Great work as usual 14,
looooove the sack o’ potatoes
September 13, 2007
At 10:29 am midwestocean said:
14, your work never disappoints.
I’m shocked that Chris Cocker is a dude. Really? I mean I watched the video (thanks for the hookup) and I thought there was more facial hair than normal…but an honest to goodness guy? I’m soooo out of the pop culture loop.
Well, despite if it is a girl or guy, I do have to say it luvs it some Britney.
September 13, 2007
At 11:00 am midevil said:
Eva,
Come on, let go of your uberly high expectations! Give the girl a break! Don’t you realize how difficult it is for a gal to live off $737 868* income a month??? Really, you’re just way too harsh for that POOR girl. I’m disappointed, I really am. /sarcasm
*as reported by People Magazine.
September 13, 2007
At 5:04 pm Viper Tetsu said:
Subversive, caustic, brilliant, if I may trot out superlatives used ad nauseum by me and the rest of yer flock, Mizz Quaatorze!
After seeing The Performance, I spent a lot of time (God help me) trying to work out whether I should feel sorry for her, deride her for her utterly-on-autopilot performance, or salute her for the most subversive post-modern performance art this side of Yves Klein or Yoko Ono.
More and more, I lean towards the latter. Think about it, people: What thinking human in Britney’s mental/vocal/physical shape would get up onstage, shoehorned into that spangly lingerie and those boots, committing to posterity such spastic movement and shoddy lip-synching, unless it was conceived as some deliberately abrasive and confrontational form of avant-garde theater? The extreme revulsed reactions to Brit’s VMA bow eerily parallel those of the stodgy members of the British public to the Sex Pistols’ seventies TV appearances.
Maybe Britney Spears is just being more punk than most of us will ever be, friends and neighbors.
September 13, 2007
At 10:16 pm Karen said:
Britney’s best performance ever. LOL.
September 13, 2007
At 10:16 am Pearly said:
The illustration of 50 cents face is the bomb..he was just so appalled it was hysterical, now do Rhianna laughing her ass off!!
September 14, 2007
At 10:27 am TheReallyJamesBond said:
The whiney Chris Cocker “guy” was on “The Jimmy Kimmel Show” last night in an online live interview. Kimmel mentioned something about eating Skittles, and the guest commented he’d rather have something else in his mouth.
Hope he gets his wish.
September 14, 2007
At 10:34 am ILSA said:
Hahahaha! I haven’t checked this site since last week, but I somehow knew you would come up with something brilliant regarding the Britney debacle. People seem SO surprised that she effed up — which is the very thing that bewilders me. I never doubted that she would, and MTV apparently knew it too. Genius on their part, because people are STILL talking about it a week later. The best thing to come out of all this was the Chris Crocker video. Wonderful portrait of him, in all of his loony, tear-stained glory. He’s the next rising star!
September 14, 2007
At 11:11 am Ednonymous said:
Hmmmm…. do you have a picture of the sack of potatoes without panties?
September 14, 2007
At 10:40 pm Randy said:
It’s really pathetic. Both of them. Couldn’t Chris Crocker review his video before he posted it? It’s tough to laugh at someone so utterly pathetic. But apparently that is what is happening. They go to look at the freak make a fool of himself. I hate to jump out on a limb here but he’s probably gay. I’d put money on it. I can’t see a straight guy putting out a video like that for any reason.
And Britney. You can virtually see the drug vapors rising off of her. She went to Vegas, partied for a week while her dancers did all the work and she’ll get all the money (notice I said money not credit). Anyone of any importance in the music industry would’ve found that performance appalling. No rhythm, usually a step or two behind, not really sure what is going on, and can’t even lip synch properly. Isn’t that like screwing up a fake orgasm? Keep your eyes open, this story will end horribly. If she’s lucky, she’ll only lose her kids. Considering everything she’s involved with, she’ll be lucky to make it out alive. You have to try extremely hard to make K-fed look like the good parent.
September 14, 2007
At 11:19 pm RF said:
“So Brit is having a rough time in her life. Like you never did? Give her some slack. Wish her well with her explorations. It’s not easy having so many peoples stupid energy directed in your space. Grow up and give the poor girl a break.”
So, sucking is now an “exploration?”
Your sad comment is an exploration.
September 14, 2007
At 11:24 am Artemis said:
Ahahahaha. You are so amazing.
Do you color the digitally colored in Photoshop, or a different program?
September 15, 2007
At 11:08 pm Riko-chan said:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bCZSDxA8_JA&NR=1
This is a Chris Cocker video in defense of Chris Cocker (…OK, maybe not) done by Seth Green.
September 16, 2007
At 1:15 am starocie said:
ooops! she did it again…
buahahaha!
September 17, 2007
At 5:43 am midevil said:
Riko-chan,
Gut, ja, thank ya for the link! Heh heh.
September 17, 2007
At 4:23 pm HeyWhatsUp said:
Thats gold, except you gave that crocker douche more fame
September 18, 2007
At 6:53 pm Frisky Shadowridge said:
Britney is certainly doing a good job in one respect: filling the void left by Anna Nicole Smith. After all, we need at least one stumbling, mumbling, half naked, zonked out, train-wreck of a blond on the awards show circuit don’t we?
September 18, 2007
At 5:51 am midevil said:
Has anyone seen this nickel back rock star spoofvideo parody of pop stardom? This guy is kinda cute!
September 21, 2007
At 2:06 pm licorice said:
soooo gooood
September 22, 2007
At 6:34 am James Allen Griffin said:
You, 14 , have a delicious mind, both rambunctious and feminine with a strong sprinkling of mystery peppered in here and there.That’s a powerful combination,be careful,you might become a celebrity.
To bad you can’t turn that mind of yours upon the more worthy objects of satire and playful riducle. Namely,the masses of “we the
people” who create and exalt these celebrity gods to the status of Kings and Queens to be worshiped and adored. It is “we the people” who are intellectually shallow, bored, and culturaly empty, and who seem desperately to want and need something to fill the void. Enter the gods of Hollywood and the music industry,who some
of the time, more or less, fill that void.
Unfortunately, our gods become our victums.
And “we the people” can be quite lethal.
Remember Elvis the King? It was “we the people” that done him in. The poor guy couldn’t even go out for a hamburger or a haircut without being torn to pieces.Some of his worshipers even tried to scrape some of his skin off under their fingernails to take home with them.
In the end they found Elvis the King face down on the bathroom floor in a pool of puke beside the potty, with the King’s pajamas gathered round his divine feet.
Very sad, because Elvis was truly a good and decent human being before “we the people” got to him and turned him into the national Holy Ghost,which in the end destroyed him. Men and women do not do very well as god-Kings and god-Queens, not even when rolling in money. They tend to malfunction. There seems to be tremendous
pressure on the celebrity gods to keep their worshipers charmed and satisified. It appears the people expect the gods they create to deliver on time.
Sooner or later “we the people” are gonna wipe Britney Spears off the map. She like Elvis the King started out as a sane decent regular human being, but just look at her now.It has been established in the public records that the celebrity gods of America are having a difficult time with their fame and exaltation. We all read about the suicides,drug addictions,serial marriages,and erratic absurd behavior. Did I say ABSURD? I did,and that’s a plug for you,14. To many of our celebrity gods take their divine role much to serious, and who knows, maybe some good strong satire and ridicule just might bring one of these divine ones back to reality and to humanity
and save their holy butt from being swallowed by the red carpet. I doubt it, but go get ‘em anyway,14.
September 24, 2007
At 6:47 am caz said:
I can’t believe how heartless you all are. i feel sorry for you all having to laugh at someone elses expence to feel better about yourselfs. How sad
September 26, 2007