Filed under: Britney Spears, Top 10 Lists
Oh, boy. Now that the sh*t (that was Britney’s performance) has hit the fan, the tabloids are abuzz with theories, backstories, you-name-it about why her performance was a bigger disaster than Gigli and Battlefield Earth combined. A few insights:
1) When MTV found out about the illusions she’d prepared, they axed them due to insurance risks;
3) Britney knew she blew it and bawled like a baby afterward;
4) Britney fired her hairstylist right before going on.
Regardless of what happened, one thing is certain: as painful as it was for us to watch (I honestly had to close my eyes (briefly), cringing in horror when she could barely move her lips to the music), life is even more painful for Britney as she feels the backlash today. Which is why Candy (who, as a former “Baby One More Time” addict, actually wanted to see Britney kick some ass) would like to show things could always be worse.
Hence my list of Top 10 Ways Britney Spears’ VMAs Performance Could Have Been Worse:
10. Sarah Silverman could have said Britney makes herself feel comfortable at home by painting the bars on her sons’ cribs like penises;
9. Tommy Lee and Kid Rock could have beaten her up;
8. She could have started lip-synching the wrong song, done a weird hoedown dance move, then shuffled off the stage;
7. She could have thrown in a “such as” and discussion of Americans’ knowledge of maps;
6. She could have kicked off her performance by defending Michael Vick;
5. She could have forgotten her panties again;
4. She could have mistaken the venue for a Taco Bell drive-thru, demanding to know where her Chalupa was;
3. Kevin could have served her a subpoena while on-stage;
2. She could have played a slide show of Britney-and-Justin pictures in the background;
1. She could have worn her (in)famous boots.
Posted by Candy ♦ September 10, 2007
At 10:12 am Casey said:
#3!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA
September 10, 2007
At 11:10 am Hannah said:
LOL @ #1!!!
September 10, 2007
At 12:53 pm MsTriste said:
She actually had a hair stylist to fire? She should have fired his/her ass a long time ago. Yeesh. And then to fire that person before such a big episode? What planet is she on? I feel bad for her too, but still, her actions (and her income) make it hard to be very sympathetic.
September 10, 2007
At 1:24 pm Susy said:
Apply more acrylic/glue to fake nails!!! Anyone notice missing nail on ring finger??
September 10, 2007
At 2:07 pm Happy Go Lucky said:
HAHA! Too funny! Loved 5, 7, & 8!
Good catch Susy!
September 10, 2007
At 7:07 pm Trini said:
unfortunately she made sure she completed #5 after the show and now we have that hairless vagina plugging up the internet again
September 10, 2007
At 10:00 pm Zip said:
She should have dropped all of her cloths and the press would be focused on that, not her performance.
September 10, 2007
At 12:05 am Mette said:
LMAO! Now this should boost her confidence
Zip - you would have liked that Huh.
September 11, 2007
At 12:28 am Me said:
My eyes crossed almost permanently when I saw her obvious non-matching weave job……
September 11, 2007
At 12:30 am Me said:
P.S. Kudos to Susy for noticing that
missing acrylic nail!
September 11, 2007
At 4:00 am Zip said:
Mette…you are so right. I would have loved it…and hey, if you are going to go down in flames, you might as well go out big!!!
If Britney had dropped all of her cloths, she would have caused such a stir, people would have talked about it for years to cum, uh(cough, cough)…I mean, come!!!
September 11, 2007