Filed under: He Said, She Said

Welcome to the fourth edition of He Said, She Said, a column in which Holy Candy’s resident life coaches field readers’ most pressing e-mails with their trademark sensitivity.

We’re excited to welcome this month’s guest columnists, who address inquiries from the four-feet-and-under set.

DEAR MADDOX AND VIOLET:

My mom has lost her mind — and her hair. The nannies tell me she used to be a huge pop singing sensation who did cool things, like dance with snakes, but the only snakes she befriends these days are extras from her video shoots.

Any idea how we can help her reclaim her former glory?

s-preston@gmail.com

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TO S-PRESTON:

MADDOX: Once she grows some hair, cut it in a mohawk. The public totally eats that up.

VIOLET: I don’t know how the birds and the bees work, but she should marry and have a kid with a nice, wholesome actress. My daddy got a Golden Globe nomination out of it!

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DEAR MADDOX AND VIOLET:

My brother is always trying to steal my thunder with his silly mohawks and grandstanding for the paparazzi. How can I make him STOP already?

zahara@aol.com

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TO ZAHARA:

MADDOX: Hey, when we start seeing eye-to-eye on the U.S. bilateral trade deficit with China, THEN maybe we can talk about the media attention situation.

VIOLET: It’s good to be an only child.

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DEAR MADDOX AND VIOLET:

My parents have copied my haircut, which they think is cute — but I’m, like, already 16 months old and want my OWN look!

How can I break the news to them without hurting their feelings?

s_cruise@yahoo.com

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TO S_CRUISE:

MADDOX: Sounds like it’s time to cut your own hair. Parents love it when you do that!

VIOLET: I’m sorry you’re not happy. My mom says any stress can be relieved with a nice stroll through the farmer’s market.