Filed under: Paris Hilton, Paris Hilton Art
You know you’ve secretly always wanted to walk a mile in Paris Hilton’s shoes….and now you can! The ex-jailbird has announced she’ll be designing her own line of shoes and only Gallery of the Absurd has the exclusive preview of two of the hottest styles from her collection. The Supertanker, shown above, features dainty ankle straps paired with sexy four-inch heels. You need not worry about the state of your pedicure because when you slip on these adorable shoes, your toes will look perfect every time.
Forget Jimmy Choo. Forget Manolo Blahnik. Judging from these sexy boots, Paris Hilton is sure to be the new IT shoe designer. Manufactured in China Handcrafted in Italy using only the finest leathers from the largest cows, the Paris Hilton Clodhopper is sure to become your wardrobe favorite. Don’t worry about whether or not you can fit these things into your closet - the Clodhopper comes with its very own decorator storage trunk. You can use it as a coffee table and no one will ever know your Clodhoppers are stashed inside. Paris is so clever! (thanks Jessica)
Victoria Beckham’s robot friends admire her new pair of Paris Hilton Supertankers.
Mary Kate Olsen tends to gravitate toward the more unusual expensive designer shoes - and that’s why she simply adores her new Paris Hilton Clodhoppers.
Posted by 14 ♦ August 6, 2007
At 10:45 am ChaosbyDesign said:
The shoes are great, but the models are priceless…..I tip my hat to you (Its a Haeckel)
August 6, 2007
At 10:53 am jenner said:
BWAHAHAHAHHAA OH MAN *wiping tears* I saw the pic of the pink shoes the other day, and could NOT BELIEVE this woman’s feet. I don’t care that they’re big - rumoured size 11 - who cares? But the feet themselves….strangest feet I’ve ever seen..she has Finger Toes…like, she can reach out & grab me with her feet…*shudder*
Excellent work as always 14 - still laughing! LOL
August 6, 2007
At 10:57 am ILSA said:
GAWD, those shoes are UGLY! I’m going to vomit up all of my brocolli. LMAO WTF! Paris seriously needs to keep those monstrous, gnarly-ass toes of hers under wraps.
August 6, 2007
At 11:39 am Chansmom said:
*snort!* What some won’t do to be considered a fashionista. Victoria and Paris are just too much, isn’t their 15 minutes up yet?
Thanks for the laughter, you’re on target again.
August 6, 2007
At 11:46 am Judi said:
You are very talented! I LOVE these!
August 6, 2007
At 11:46 am Crees_dahl said:
OMG!!! This is hilarious…Loooove the models!!!
August 6, 2007
At 11:54 am Nina said:
AAaahahahahaha!! Freekin hilarious!! Glad to see you’re back to drawing this nasty broad!
August 6, 2007
At 12:10 pm Dottie said:
Cool, do they come in women’s sizes?
August 6, 2007
deanna1104
At 1:09 pm deanna1104 said:
damn that was too funny. i love the brittnany paris hybrid boot. perhaps she can donate them to the women in the hypothetical halfway houses she pledged to build, but soon forgot to follow up on. the puberty impaired glamourous beckham manages to pull this look off no problem with just one tilt upward of her large snout. please oh please oh please 14 will you PLEEEZZZ add her to the celebrity animal collection. her snout is BEGGING to be addressed.
August 6, 2007
deanna1104
At 1:13 pm deanna1104 said:
oddly enough those robot friends look alot like tom and katie, oh wait is that will and jada? damn but that they do so much the same, all alike, as if they were collectively mechanical faceless automatons or something.
August 6, 2007
At 2:58 pm Viper Tetsu said:
Snork! G’har! Dear Lord in Jimmy Choos, please tell me there will be Paris Hilton diving flippers…
August 6, 2007
At 3:08 pm coffeegod said:
Okay, I just wet m’self laughing.
14, you are the greatest. Now I never have to worry about my pedi again!
August 6, 2007
At 3:10 pm Tracy said:
very funny
i love this site!
August 6, 2007
At 3:58 pm Morrigan said:
I just got up from the floor, thank you very much!
August 6, 2007
At 4:14 pm superblondgirl said:
I love the Mary Kate picture - priceless. I wear a size 11 myself, and that’s what my shoes look like next to regular people’s shoes. Seriously.
August 6, 2007
At 5:27 pm alpha said:
Geeeeez and I was CONVINCED that the next Paris Hilton piece would have centered on Grandpa Hilton’s decision to remove Paris from his will!
August 6, 2007
At 5:28 pm Hippo said:
Is one of those robot friends Katie Holmes? Because I think I see a resemblance.
August 6, 2007
At 6:42 pm Eize said:
Your caricature of Paris Hilton is incredibly life-like: http://community.livejournal.com/ohnotheydidnt/14435104.html
100/100!!!
August 6, 2007
At 7:30 pm llism said:
14,
Your talent knows no bounds. As a heterosexual woman, I never thought I’d say this, but you are so brilliant I simply must: May I have your child? Or maybe, 17 of them? Then we can create a super-colony of 14s! We can take over the world!!! Mwahahahahahaha . . . *cough gasp*.
Keep up the fantastic work, as always. You’re an inspiration!
August 6, 2007
At 8:07 pm 14 said:
awww. ilism you are very kind. Thank you!!
As a heterosexual woman, I have no plans on breeding..but I am very flattered! I’d rather spread my memes like little dandelion seeds in the wind than reproduce my DNA. Kids are a-okay with me and they always inspire me with their genius ideas, but I’d much rather embrace the “crazy aunt” archetype.
Superblondgirl,
I wear supertankers myself. Size 10! I often throw away the shoes and wear the shoe box. A much better fit.
thanks for your comments everyone. It’s YOU that make my blog so interesting.
xoxo
14
August 6, 2007
At 10:28 pm gilmore said:
Holy Huge Hooves! She must wear a man’s size 15.
14, you never fail to make me laugh my ass off.
Thank you.
August 6, 2007
At 12:26 am MC Haiku said:
Oh, 14, I have to tell you. The sexiest woman I ever knew … long long ago … in another life … wore size 9 or 10. I forget, exactly.
But it really doesn’t matter when a girl’s legs are up in the air, does it?
I’ve been laughing all day at this one. Thank you, 14!!
August 7, 2007
At 2:30 am Demon Kitty said:
Dear Superblondgirl and 14,
Darlings, Kate Winslet wears either a size 11, that doesn’t mean her feet ain’t pretty!!!! I would suck her toes - just joking!!
I love what you did with Mary Kate 14! Her shoes always look ridiculously big on her lilliputian frame.
You know, after reading the comments, I would not be surprised if Will Smith and Tom Cruise were lovers. That would also mean that Becks is probably a queen too! Of course a queen would have a lavender wedding with a spice girl! Perhaps that explains Posh’s boyish look these days. Whatever!
August 7, 2007
At 5:24 am Fairmaiden327 said:
Brilliant.
August 7, 2007
At 9:06 am Trumik said:
Lol you’re good 14!!! I can’t help but think of Björk’s Volta cover when I see those shoes
http://www.bjork.fr/IMG/jpg/bjork-volta-cover-album.jpg
love your site
August 7, 2007
At 1:14 pm midevil said:
Demon Kitty,
We all know that Posh is a man.
August 7, 2007
At 7:54 pm tbone said:
FOR TWO YEARS,I’VE LOOKED AT MISS PARIS HILTON’S HOOFS BLANTLY EXPOSED THINKING. NOT SINCE GARBO HAS HOLLYWOOD SEEN SUCH BANNAHA BOATS!… AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO THESE HUMONGUS FEET OF CLAY? THANK YOU THAT YOU DO AS WELL.
August 7, 2007
At 8:50 pm Jenn F. said:
Okay those Supertankers are fantastic. Especially on Posh’s feet. I can’t believe that Paris’ feet are size 11, especially since she’s only 5′7 ~ Christ, I’m just over 5′7 and my feet are a size 8. And they look pretty proportionate to my body, I’d say. No wonder she wears heels all of the time ~ so that her feet don’t appear to be sticking out so far in front of her. How positively caveman. I wonder if Paris has to shave a layer of fur off the tops of her feet? Is she an exceptionally good swimmer? With those flippers attached to the end of her legs, you’d think she could just motor through the water.
August 7, 2007
At 10:39 pm Demon Kitty said:
Dear MC Haiku,
It does if she can reach your prostrate with her big toe.
August 7, 2007
At 2:37 pm Ema said:
Very funny, especially the Supertanker. I laughed so loudly I scared the dog.
August 8, 2007
At 9:00 am tekel said:
Your vision of the shoes is oddly reminiscent of this (actual product!) from Vibram:
Vibram FiveFingers
I kinda want a pair, even though I know that Paris will be making pink ones very soon…
August 9, 2007
At 12:07 am JosiePie said:
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! I love it!! You even perfectly captured that stupid retarded feet- turned-inward stance she always does. I love you, 14!!
August 12, 2007
At 9:42 am that_girl said:
Those cladhoppers are fab!
August 25, 2007
At 7:09 am Carole said:
Luv the MK pic. Very cute!!!
August 28, 2007