Filed under: Celebrity Animals, Paris Hilton, Paris Hilton Art
I had my hand slapped recently by Paris Hilton’s attorney after I painted crabs scurrying near the vicinity of her crotch. A warning to other artists and bloggers: you may not add crustaceans to any of your creative interpretations of Paris Hilton because doing so implies Ms. Hilton has loathsome diseases and you’ll be threatened with defamation. However, no one said anything was wrong with painting Paris Hilton as a crab. The Heiress Crab is an invasive species of crustacean found in Southern California. It can be spotted crawling around Barneys, Kitsons, the In-N-Out Burger and in various nightclub VIP rooms. It has numerous natural enemies and can’t seem to hold on to any friends. Cops enjoy pulling the Heiress Crab over not because it often breaks the law, but because they want to ask it out to dinner. Recently the Heiress Crab was sentenced to spend time in a crab trap as punishment for it’s bad behavior and now it’s claws are out for vengeance. Medium: oil on wood.Much thanks to GeekSugar for this nice write up and interview confirming the fact that I am indeed a geek.
Posted by admin ♦ May 9, 2007
At 1:31 pm Miapocca said:
this is HOT
May 9, 2007
At 1:33 pm frazgo said:
Way to go! Satire is one of the oldest and best forms of lampooning and social commentary around. Don’t let them silence you or otherwise infringe on your artist endeavors.
May 9, 2007
At 1:40 pm Smiley Girl said:
Luv it, luv the hilarious commentry as well. What amuses/distrubs me is that Paris got her lawyers on you for depicting her with crabs, and not because you depictied her with her legs WIDE OPEN. lol
May 9, 2007
At 1:56 pm Madame M said:
A geek and a genius. You have made an exquisite lemonade, my dear 14!
May 9, 2007
At 2:07 pm Tiffany said:
HA! Take that attorney man! Brilliant!
May 9, 2007
At 2:29 pm stardust savant said:
I love that you are out for Paris blood lately. Her lawyer should email you back and beg you to put the crabs back on the Simple Life poster in return for nixing Jeff Polange’s, um, pose and the Jail Bird. Those nail her skankiness way more that the implication of a loathsome disease.
May 9, 2007
At 2:45 pm Kai said:
Ah! Ah! Delish! (is temporarily stunned with awesomeness)
I agree with stardust savant, I bet Paris’s lawyers are regretting messing with you. Are we sure you’re not responsible for her jailtime? I think 14 is a goddess, and as such, capable of anything.
(Your token Jewish commenter)
May 9, 2007
At 3:26 pm Jen said:
14, you’re the greatest. You are so observant! You draw what all of us are thinking!
BTW, I read your interview. Don’t be afraid to take on Oprah, she’d make awesome canvas fodder! I can just imagine..big eyes full of “concern”, demented smile and sitting on a wrecked-by-Tom-Cruise-Couch!
May 9, 2007
At 3:42 pm Annie Mahoney said:
Those toes are going to give me nightmares…
May 9, 2007
At 4:07 pm Demon Kitty said:
Good for you 14! I am not holding my breath regarding Paris’ jail sentence. If fucking OJ (orange juice) didn’t go to the slammer after slaughtering his wife and her friend, if Paris really going to jail? Her refusal to take responsibility for her actions is starting to make me think she is a sociopath and not a narcissist. I suspect that this will not be the last time she has problems with the law. We need to start a petition people. We need to start a petition. Should we address it to Arnold Schwarzenegger or the municipal government of West Hollywood?
May 9, 2007
At 4:16 pm Ophelia said:
I don’t know how you do it, but you always manage to capture the essence of Paris Hilton so perfectly. You are incredibly perceptive and imaginative. I thoroughly enjoyed this one! Big applause for another masterpiece of our “American princess”!
Congratulations 14!
Ophelia
May 9, 2007
At 4:44 pm Marie said:
I came back to show my friend the “goose” drawing and then we find this new gem. Hee hee, ha, ha! ;D
May 9, 2007
At 4:55 pm gilmore said:
This is pure heaven. Thank you.
May 9, 2007
At 7:13 pm Texas said:
Crab cakes! Crab cakes!
I can’t get over from laughing so hard! After all, she’s the best thing that ever happened to you and your gallery!
You should consider turning all your artwork done into a book! That’s gonna be a cult following after this!
You rock, 14!
May 9, 2007
Peta
At 7:23 pm Peta said:
Man, I wish this really were the case. I can’t eat shellfish, but I would fight off the world to boil this one.
May 9, 2007
At 7:56 pm Coffeegod said:
We love you, 14. You are right on the money about Ms Parasite. Keep up the great work.
May 9, 2007
deanna1104
At 10:39 pm deanna1104 said:
what a mess. everytime i see that nose i rack my brain trying to figure out just what the hell else pwhitney uses it for. it certainly must serve some other unknown purpose. george clooney getting all up on that frankfurter is so hot!!
May 9, 2007
At 11:22 pm Morrigan said:
I always felt bad about boiling crustaceans. I’d have the boiling water ready for this one though. hehehe
May 9, 2007
At 12:00 am cherise said:
are you serious about the paris-hilton-lawyer-contacting-you thing?! o__O i say draw ‘em however you friggin want and the a$$holes should eat $hit
May 10, 2007
At 6:37 am midevil said:
Wait, where are the crab’s crabs???
May 10, 2007
Thomas
At 6:57 am Thomas said:
14,
satire and parody is protected
http://www.4lawschool.com/torts/hustler.shtml
May 10, 2007
At 7:41 am miriam said:
I love your work! What wonderful satire.
I was just thinking maybe you could make more prints availabe,I’d buy a bunch more!
May 10, 2007
At 7:51 am Thorne Smith said:
14,
“Wonky-eyed” has entered my lexicon thanks to you and this wonderful site!
It would have been good to see Paris’s lawyers as barnicles on her crusty behind.
Keep up the good work!
May 10, 2007
At 9:26 am Cyclops Kitten Natividad said:
Love your colors on this one—mouthwatering! And also how the crab is cooked a sweet candy pink.
The best thing though is the base of the crab’s “neck”, which looks suspiciously like Paris’ overexposed kitty cat, for reals.
May 10, 2007
SarahReznor
At 10:14 am SarahReznor said:
14 - Paris’ lawyers cant make you do shit! it’s fucking ART!
you rock girl!!! love you!!!
May 10, 2007
SarahReznor
At 10:15 am SarahReznor said:
14 you rock my world!
May 10, 2007
At 2:00 pm Bucky Turco said:
Well done.
May 10, 2007
At 6:52 pm Jenn F. said:
Oh my God. I can’t believe you, you’re so fucking hilarious. You actually managed to paint a crab and make it look like Paris Hilton. That’s one of the funniest things I’ve seen in a long time. With those big long fingers and toes, pinching onto the money! That’s too perfect! Oh 14, I wish you to become a very, very wealthy artist. No one deserves it more.
May 10, 2007
At 9:06 pm parissucksliterally said:
Fabulous. You never fail to impress me.
May 10, 2007
idlewild
At 7:55 am idlewild said:
I almost fell off my chair laughing at this one. Incredible!! You are so fabulous! As always, keep up the superb work.
May 11, 2007
At 9:51 am M&M said:
You should contact a news organization with this information. You’d get a ton of publicity and everyone would want to see the picture that caused so much ire.
May 11, 2007
At 5:16 pm Cat said:
Hahahaha That’s awesome.
May 11, 2007
Damien
At 6:54 pm Damien said:
Poor lil rich gal, I guess karma finally came around took a big ole bite of her butt.
May 11, 2007
At 9:40 pm Melanie said:
Very cool. I love that she only has 3 toes on each foot. Claw?
May 11, 2007
At 6:10 am Gail said:
Loved your interview with GeekSugar! Is that you in that photo? You are gorgeous! I can’t believe you used to do high tech marketing and PR (that is what I do). You are FAR too talented to be doing tech PR! Thank God you quit!!!
May 12, 2007
At 7:21 am Salmonella said:
14, props for not letting them stop your awesomeness! Crab Trap? Now THAT’S hot!!
May 12, 2007
At 11:21 am Doug said:
Cheers for not letting the crustaceans silence you and for the laughs and for your new header.
You’re awesome!
May 12, 2007
At 3:11 pm moonmaid said:
Complete with eye wonk and giant toes!
Keep on rockin’, 14!
p.s. inadvertenly hilarious side advert for “King Crab Legs!”
May 12, 2007
At 4:33 pm Demon Kitty said:
Girl, who does your eyebrows??? I want a lychee cocktail! That was a cool interview. i dig your imagination. I would be afraid to draw Oprah as well - you would definitely end up on her show in 5 seconds flat!!!!!!
May 12, 2007
Kevin niveK
At 6:21 pm Kevin niveK said:
14, I met you last night at the art walk. Not only are you cute as hell you’re more fun than a bucket load of monkeys. I enjoyed you and your constant smile.
May 12, 2007
At 2:02 pm Chansmom said:
I’m in agreement with Madam M. You’re a geek, and wonderful!
Great rendering of “what’s her name.” Hee hee. I will be so glad when her 15 minutes are up, she’s truly overstayed her welcome.
May 13, 2007
At 3:57 pm Rich said:
You have never been a geek
May 13, 2007
At 7:26 pm Cooper said:
fuck yeah. i love love love what you are doing.
May 13, 2007
At 7:34 pm Rex said:
Would the lawyers be mad if you put people swarming around her crotch ?
May 14, 2007
At 7:48 am Bloody Whore said:
I LOVE the feet!!! LOL
May 15, 2007
At 8:17 am Demon Kitty said:
Rex, you are my hero.
Demon Kitty
May 15, 2007
At 9:11 am Viper Tetsu said:
Paris Hilton has already dipped her big-ass-sasquatch feet into the pool of crappy remakes of old horror movies with HOUSE OF WAX, so your masterful mutation clinches an even more perfect synergy of artist and project…
I for one would pay big bucks to see Paris Hilton in a remake of Roger Corman’s ATTACK OF THE CRAB MONSTERS. In (one of)the title role(s), natch.
May 24, 2007
At 7:18 pm laurie said:
“it’s bad behavior and now it’s claws are out for vengeance. Medium: oil on wood.”
In the above, you do not need the apostrophes in the “its.” The “its” are used as possessives and therefore do not need an apostrophe. Just letting you know.
May 27, 2007
At 9:20 pm buggey said:
Why nothing on Jennifer Aniston? Is she getting special treatment? Equal opportunity ok?
June 9, 2007