Filed under: Movie, Book & Magazine Parodies, Nicole Richie
This vintage-style pulp novel is modeled after those fantastic sci-fi paperbacks of the 50’s and 60’s. In this twisted story of unleashed terror and spine-tingling horror, a mad scientist clones Nicole Richie in order to add to his macabre collection of human curiosities…but his experiment goes terribly wrong when the clones continue multiplying. Forming an unruly mob, they break out of the laboratory and begin to terrorize the beaches across the U.S. Can these angry starving clones be stopped before it’s too late? This Halloween parody created with ink and digital color.
Gallery of the Absurd has been posting several Halloween-themed paintings during the month of October. Dracula, skeletons, space aliens, Donald Trump….all are fodder for chills and nightmares. One of the scariest images we saw this year was the Star magazine cover photo of a skeletal Nicole Richie struggling to run down the beach. Interestingly, she looks cute in many of the photos that were taken of her that day, but Star managed to find the most horrifying photo in the batch and in classic tabloid maneuver, featured it on the cover. We hope our subscription never runs out. Medium: Star magazine cover manipulated with a little Photoshop.
Posted by 14 ♦ October 23, 2006
At 1:11 pm Crees_dahl said:
One would guess that a girl of her size would stop buying medium and large sized bathing suits that swim on her skeletal frame and reveal what happens when you live on coffee, nicotine and the occasional leaf of iceberg lettuce.
Secondly you are right when it comes to magazines picking the one picture out of dozens that would make her look the worst.
Sucks to be famous…but then there is all that money…sigh.
Funny shit 14!
October 23, 2006
At 2:34 pm Dawn (webmiztris) said:
egads, she’s gross! if I saw that on the beach, I would definitely run in the opposite direction!
October 23, 2006
At 2:43 pm fishpucker said:
Ha ha. Man, she really does look wicked bad. With that face she’s making and the bones protruding through her skin it looks like all she’s been sustaining herself with is lemons.
October 23, 2006
At 2:47 pm Joey said:
Yuck! She looks like a shriveled mummy they show in museums and oddity shops, and that limp bikini hanging off her butt isn’t helping either! Doesn’t she know men like women who have a bit of body fat- to give them curves- and also to make them soft and huggable? She doesn’t look huggable- she looks a preserved corpse, which is lacking in sex appeal. Good job and emphasizing every wrinkle and jutting bone. I visit this site every day, it’s one of my guilty pleasures.
October 23, 2006
At 2:53 pm Tee said:
I love how you put “TOM” in rainbow… ha!
I visit your page often and it always makes me laugh. Awesome work, really.
October 23, 2006
At 4:12 pm jenny vorwaller said:
genius and so much truth to your ironic art, soo true about horrible tabloid photos, but you just can’t help but revel in it when the outrageous ones (ahem, TOM) are in your face and drive you batty.
October 23, 2006
At 6:03 pm Jillian said:
The “dumpy diaper” look is hot.
Poor Nicole. I’m sure she bought a small size, but they’re still too large.
October 23, 2006
At 6:09 pm licoricepirate said:
ahahahahahahahaa!
..
how do they know how much stars weigh ?
what, do they hide airport luggage scales under the red carpet or sumfing?
o__O ..
i always wondered this.
October 23, 2006
At 7:28 am AC said:
She didn’t buy a medium bathing suit thats whats so scary… thats probably an XS. She needs to start shopping in the kids section.
October 24, 2006
At 7:49 am berni said:
OH sh*t.. that’s a very disturbing photograph
October 24, 2006
At 8:29 am phlegmfatale said:
She DOES look tragically skinny and grotesque, but you can tell from all the other photos that the one featured on the cover was taken as she was running, hence the loose skin, tits and loose bikini bottom all succumbed to gravity simultaneously - in the other still photos, her belly doesn’t look wrinkled at all. I do think it’s wicked of them to troll for the worst and then splash that about. On the other hand, if Nicole were a piece of fried chicken, she’d be neck-and-neck with Madonna competing for the last stringy nasty piece left in the bucket - the one no one wanted. Viva fried chicken!
October 24, 2006
Anonymous
At 11:46 am Anonymous said:
BRILLIANT!!!
October 24, 2006
Damien
At 1:21 pm Damien said:
Yucky that girl is like a sub zero size, poor, poor girl … hope shes getting real help, you know not ‘Paris’ help.
October 24, 2006
At 3:49 pm midevil said:
Gross. Not even a Rob Zombie flick would chop her up.
October 24, 2006
chuckawicka
At 4:49 pm chuckawicka said:
For some reason I read the heading to say, “Attack of the Bones”. Y’now, a spoof of Star Wars Attack of the clones?
October 24, 2006
At 7:56 pm Javelin said:
hahaha that’s classic! licoricepirate, they don’t really know how much they weigh, they have an “expert” take an educated guess.
Nicole should cash in on the Halloween festivities and play a mummy in a haunted house. wouldn’t it be great if they made her do that on SIMPLE LIFE?? hahahaha and Paris could be some sort of diseased witch, what with that hook nose and wonky eye.
October 24, 2006
At 8:40 pm Pat Angello said:
Awesome, again - simply awesome!
October 24, 2006
At 9:56 pm Viper Tetsu said:
In addition to sci-fi paperbacks, you’re also riffing on EC comics with your illo, and it’s like a special gift to us dorks old and/or nerdy enough to get the reference.
As always, the minute details make for the spiciest spices. The address label on The Star, for one, made me pee myself. Literally. Thanks; now I’ve gotta go change.
October 24, 2006
Ambika B
At 10:57 pm Ambika B said:
The scariest thing about this picture, apart from the inherent scariness of her entire person, is how accurate it is. The reimagining of Nicole R. as the fly was funny but clearly she’s not see through (tho who knows how long that will last.) No, this rendering is terrifying for bringing out what’s truly there. So scary.
October 24, 2006
At 10:39 am AgentOrange said:
Terror on the Beach might make an excellent B movie. The undead, in the form of emaciated celebrities, come to meance the living. In fact, I think that I smell a possible “Tree House of Horror” Simpsons episode!
October 25, 2006
At 7:42 pm jerkygirl said:
14, hasn’t Star given you a free subscription yet? How about Weekly World News? With all the pub you’re giving them they should at least do that for you.
Oh, and I guess why Tom won’t marry Katie is because. . .she’s so much more attractive than he is? At least in the above pic. . . She does seem quite a bit more human there than usual.
October 25, 2006
s
At 6:05 pm s said:
I love Nicole. I hear she is getting help with her weight….finally.
October 26, 2006
At 7:08 pm deanna said:
i simply refuse to believe this thing was running along anywhere. the rocks rolling about in her empty bony skull was probably so mind numbingly loud that is was the rattling and rocks knocking about which drew the attention of the photogs as opposed to her celebrated body image.
October 26, 2006
At 9:49 pm red said:
i’m surprised that Nicole is still alive thesedays ..and karen carpenter dead? Why are all the useless ones still alive?
October 26, 2006
At 2:13 pm Demon Kitty said:
I find it really sad. The ribs, the bones, the sternum, not to mention her baggy bikini make her look like a a person at the end stage of a terminal illness who needs the nurse to refresh their diaper. Someone help this girl.
October 27, 2006
At 3:12 pm Jenn F. said:
This site is the best. Not only is there consistently hilarious and high-quality art, but the comments, descriptions, and opinions that you guys post just completely crack me up. You really do 14 and her work justice.
But I digress. Nicole must have really been traumatized by spending too much time as the chubby sidekick of the skank. But hey… I’d take a little extra chub over a crab infestation any day.
October 27, 2006
At 3:45 pm Viper Tetsu said:
Incidentally, Quatorze, in case you haven’t done so already, you should go to this very apropos link:
http://www.cubpack81.com/images/carve_pumpkin.swf
…And please in the name of all that is (un)holy, give us some scary celeb pumpkins, dude.
October 27, 2006
At 6:41 am Rhea said:
Ohh, that cover is a very accurate parody. Ow.
October 28, 2006
At 4:04 pm Lies said:
isn’t it funny how nobody wrote about the Katie Holmes appearance so far?? LOOK AT KATIE HOLMES! It might be the exact image of her current psychological condition! Brainwashed and numb and LAUGHING
October 28, 2006
Laura
At 2:07 am Laura said:
JAJAJAJA!!!!!
BELLISSIMO QUESTO SITO!!!!!
LAURA
ROMA
ITALIA
October 29, 2006
Angelica
At 5:55 am Angelica said:
I think that she looks like she’s been on drugs for the last 10 years of her life. How old is she? Those pictures make her look like at least 50.
December 7, 2006
At 3:22 pm jray said:
c’mon everyone, stop pretending that thin girls aren’t the HOTTEST girls
January 12, 2007
At 10:47 pm sajjad said:
i want to registered
February 5, 2007