Filed under: Movie, Book & Magazine Parodies
It’s always fun to replace a slick promotional photo of an actor/entertainer with the occasional unfortunate paparazzi photo. In the treacherous territory of celebrity gossip blogs, much ado has been made over Kirsten Dunst’s odd little “vampire bat teeth”. Ms. Dunst feels her imperfect teeth are “sexy” and refuses to tread the well-worn path toward the Hollywood standard of perfection. We can’t help but applaud her for taking such a daring risk. Still, those teeth make for an opportunity we couldn’t refuse to pass up: blending Sofia Coppola’s Marie Antoinette with a little bit of Interview With The Vampire. Medium: Acrylic on board, Illustrator. Post title suggested by Kipling West.
Posted by 14 ♦ October 18, 2006
At 9:06 am langtry said:
Brill, brill, brill 14! Kirsten Dunst’s canines are something of which she is inordinately proud, and she refuses any suggestions of orthodontia. You have completely captured the aspect of her eyes that I find, to be kind, “quirky”. The way her left lower eye lid curves upward, while the right lower eyelid is perfectly straight. And her pug nose accentuates the expanse between her eye and cheeckbone.
I have never understood what makes her “movie star” beautiful, although she is not ugly. She’s just really, really bland (’cept for the vampire canine teeth, lol)!
October 18, 2006
At 9:59 am karenology said:
Though I do find her intensely annoying (I see her in -every- role, even in Bring it On, as a bratty little girl vampire. So creepy! Spiderman ought to be defeating her, not rescuing her!), I think it’s great that she hasn’t gone the way of Horse Teeth Duff or others.
That said, I really would like to see a portrait of Ms. Sofa Copacabana.
October 18, 2006
At 10:54 am Demon Kitty said:
Drunkst was good in the Virgin Suicides. I’ll give her that. But she is so unattractive. She has that aggravating, goofy, gawky, dweeb, retarded, brat, prepubescent girl next door/tom boy look. Her annoying personality and horrid geriatric/frump fashion sense make her even more annoying. Fuck, my 85 year old grandmother had more style than she does! She looks like a fucking grown up tranny version of fuckingBuster Brown. Those bat like canines give my imperious cat Juju a run for her money. Dear God, I have to stop. I can’t control myself.
Demon Kitty
October 18, 2006
At 11:11 am Javelin said:
haha Kirsten should hook up with Marc Anthony. her teeth + his face = Match made in vampire heaven.
October 18, 2006
At 11:34 am Cyclops Kitten Natividad said:
I love this picture! I think her teeth are kind of cute, and good on her for not being cookie-cutter Hollywood. This is one I’d hang on my wall.
October 18, 2006
At 11:41 am SlumNobility said:
Screwed up teeth are sometimes cool, and insulting a person’s inherent features is not something I think is particularly clever. However Both Dunst and Coppola deserve ridicule for being a couple of intensely self-absorbed, sensitive and boring as hell broads. After suffering through both the “virgin suicides” and “lost in translation” there’s no way I’d go near this reaking pile of lace, bon-bons and chamberpots that is “marie antoinette.” LATER
October 18, 2006
tam popo
At 11:51 am tam popo said:
I think she should fuck up her teeth even more! She could make them stick out more prominently or file them down to nubs and then when she gives her acceptance speech at the Academy Awards, she could give a big FU to the snooty Hollywood audience with all their perfect white horse teeth. That would be cool.
October 18, 2006
At 12:34 pm Susan said:
It’s a nice painting! I really do respect her for not fixing her teeth - I personally prefer nice straight ones, but I’m bothered by how much cosmetic surgery has become commonplace. It’s nice to see someone say that they’re fine the way they are and still be famous.
October 18, 2006
At 12:39 pm bern said:
hehe she IS a vampire!
October 18, 2006
At 4:07 pm Viper Tetsu said:
Christ in a barrel full of Vaseline, the predatory razor blades lining her gums scare the living spit outta me. But I do respect her right to leave her grill be. If it was me, I’d likewise take scary bat fangs over Hilary Duff horse choppers any day of the decade.
That said, am I the only human in the free world who’s also heebie-jeebied out by Dunst’s large cherub head and creepily-underage-looking features? She and DiCaprio seem to have stopped physically maturing at age twelve.
October 18, 2006
At 5:18 pm midevil said:
Those little nubs ain’t vampire teeth. Yeesh. She might be able to gum somebody to death, sure.
October 18, 2006
At 5:51 pm jerkygirl said:
Ha!!! This is great. It is kind of interesting how a person like her, who seems to go out of her way to look as horrible as she can, gets as many roles as she does in a whole town full of Barbie dolls. It’s pretty cool that she’s not a Botox and collagen addict like so many of them, but jeez, lady, try a HAIRBRUSH once in a while!!! This is almost as perfect as the Bat Girl painting. (only almost because she’s human here. Kinda.) I heart 14.
October 18, 2006
At 7:29 pm deanna said:
ain’t nothing wrong with a twisted grill… didn’t she suck face with some of hollywood’s finest with that mouth piece? oooh oooh i want a twisted grill too!!! leading men seem to love it.
October 18, 2006
At 4:33 am Juana said:
woooooow!!!! congratulations!!!!!!!
October 19, 2006
EVA
At 12:20 pm EVA said:
Ha ha 14! This just made my day at work…
Brilliant! I looked at the website link of the premiere photos, it looks like she has bats clinging on her dress, and the orange hair?
That said, I really admire her individuality, especially in today’s Hollywood..but it wouldn’t hurt her to put on braces..
I am mortified, just mortified!
It was about time you drew Kiki
October 19, 2006
At 1:35 pm SlumNobility said:
this is neither here nor there, but people- check out 14’s picture on this site, she’s actually cute as a button! (if that actually is the real 14 an not an imposter)
October 19, 2006
At 4:13 pm tb said:
Why oh why won’t she just fix those things. Ahhh!
October 19, 2006
At 9:13 am Johnny said:
I too have little vampire teeth and I too am inordinately proud of them.
And I too will also applaud her unwillingness to undergo surgery or “repairs” to subscribe to a narrow definition of Hollywood beauty. Dunst is already pretty damned hot in a girl-next-door kind of way.
October 20, 2006
At 4:39 pm Ilsa said:
Ugh, I hate, HATE, H A T E bad teeth, and she’s got some of the worst ones in Hollywood! I can barely stand to look at this portrait; her cherubic features are grossing me out!
October 21, 2006
At 2:23 pm Fritz said:
I used to have little fangs. I wore braces as an adult a couple of years ago and when I got them off the orthodontist took a file to them. He didn’t even ask me if I wanted to have it done — he just started filing them down. I was shocked and then a bit angry. When I asked him why he did it, he said that it was for a “better aesthetic.”
October 23, 2006
Damien
At 1:23 pm Damien said:
Her skin looks funny too, I only just saw an unedited pick, weird.
October 24, 2006
At 7:24 pm Jane Fondle said:
I don’t much care about Dunst. I saw Spiderman with the kid and barely noticed her. However I think yours is an unparsimonious criticism. I like the fact that she didn’t conform.
October 24, 2006
At 4:26 pm Nathaniel R said:
we Dunst fans are a rare breed. But this painting still cracked me up. Her teeth are strange and it is interesting to see her all decked out in period finery again after Interview
October 30, 2006
Glenn@StalePopcorn
At 12:05 am Glenn@StalePopcorn said:
HAH! That is hilarious (although I do love Dunst)
October 31, 2006
At 2:33 pm justine said:
you caught her sunken evil eyes and doughy cheeks and puddy nose perfectly encased in a pumpkin head perfectly. It’s more realistic than sofia’s utterly stylized, made up kiki for MA.
hilarious. congratulations.
November 3, 2006
Me
At 5:06 am Me said:
I like it, it has character and is fun. I like freaky things though. I think old Kiki would get a buzz out of this.
November 5, 2006
At 7:25 am silly boy said:
She looks like Alfred E. Neuman.
November 5, 2006
At 6:03 pm helen said:
Sooo good and lifelike. You’ve captured her perfectly.
This should be in the National Portrait Gallery in London.
Funny!!!
November 5, 2006
At 11:50 am julian said:
I just love this and cannot take my eyes away. You did a better job of painting her portrait than Sofe (as Kiki now calls her) Coppola.
Lovely and so true to life.
The only way to improve it may be to show her breasts peaking through a see through top as Kiki likes to go braless.
November 12, 2006
At 10:50 pm Matt said:
Dunst is OK in my book. In Spider-Man 2 she looked not-attractive I don’t want to say ugly because she had her moments, but she looked not so good in that movie because she had barely there eyebrows and orange hair!
In Spider-Man 3 she looked positively hot. But ironically that was where I first noticed that she had little fang-lettes. You see the theater was so crowded I sat in the 4th row and I was able to see all the distinct features I hadn’t noticed before like Tobey Maguire’s weird mole/wart on his neck below his ear.
I think that it was stupid to make a Marie Antionette movie She was basically the biggest stupid whore in history.
May 19, 2007
At 6:04 am Crunk Pire said:
Oh come on! Who decided vampires arn’t hot…?
I don’t get it! I think she does a reasonable job of acting and would LOVE to see her in a Vampire movie…
September 11, 2007