Filed under: Celebrities

Desperate Housewives actress Marcia Cross has confirmed she is expecting twins. Although Cross and new husband Tom Mahoney initially did not reveal this li’l detail, the news soon leaked, forcing her to confirm it.

I can just imagine how her pregnancy would play out in a Desperate Housewives-like scenario…

CUT TO:

INT. CEDARS SINAI HOSPITAL — DELIVERY ROOM

BREE — I mean, MARCIA — is in the midst of labor, surrounded by all of her supportive Desperate Housewives friends. Meaning EVA LONGORIA. Marcia tries to grimace from the excruciating, so-much-worse-than-getting-kicked-in-the-balls pain; however, the Botox won’t allow any expression beyond slight surprise.

MARCIA: Um… ow.

EVA: You’re doing great, honey. You’re doing great.

MARCIA: Easy for you to say. Till you pass an eight-pound baby…

EVA: Have you seen my boyfriend?

MARCIA: Yeah. He’s pretty huge.

EVA: Damn skippy. Not exactly a walk in the park.

MARCIA: But it explains why you keep going back to him.

EVA: Better believe it.

The women high-five. Then –

MARCIA: Um… ow.

DOCTOR: It’s a baby girl!

EVA: Yay!

MARCIA: Um… ow.

DOCTOR: And a baby boy!

EVA: Oh, honey. Look at –

CLOSE-UP: Eva’s horrified face as she peers at the babies.

EVA: They’re black!

MARCIA: Uh-oh.

BABY #1: Bonjour.

EVA: And speak French!

MARCIA: Uh-oh.

EVA: And…

Eva takes a closer look at the Baby Boy’s, um, anatomy. Just as she suspected. Eva turns to Marcia accusingly.

MARCIA: Uh-oh.

Before Eva can bitch-slap Marcia’s fascinatingly smooth face, TOM CRUISE rushes into the room and grabs the babies!

TOM: The noise! I must save the babies from the life-threatening noise!

Tom dashes out of the room, a baby under each man boob, muttering something about making room beside Suri’s crib in the basement.

A beat, then:

MARCIA: Well. Twins would have been a lot of work.

EVA: Yeah, but the scandal would’ve been sweet. I mean, you and Tony…? I could finally graduate to the cover of People!

MARCIA: You are such a media whore.

EVA: And you’re just a whore.

The women laugh and hug it out.

We PAN Wisteria Lane — I mean, Beverly Boulevard — and [INSERT OH-SO-INSIGHTFUL VOICE-OVER HERE], as we…

FADE OUT.