Filed under: Movie, Book & Magazine Parodies
When I first laid eyes upon Janet Jackson’s photo on the October issue of W, it appeared they had put a Klingon on the cover. “Oh wow,” I thought, “they’re doing a Halloween issue!” Upon further examination, I was shocked to discover that the otherworldly creature was indeed a very bizarre looking Janet Jackson. Janet looks normal (well, normal for a Jackson) on all the other millions of magazine covers she’s appeared on this month, so I wonder what happened over at the W art department? I may have to look into getting a job there. Getting paid to mutate Hollywood celebrities into space aliens for magazine covers? Sign me up.
Dlisted’s observation of Janet looking like a “cocker spaniel in a leotard” must also be noted.
Posted by 14 ♦ October 3, 2006
At 3:33 am azuka said:
Jajajajajajajaaja… Very Good! OMG! It`s so good to see things like this (your work 14) in the morning taking my coffe. I like the eyes and the nose. Honestly Janet makes me ill… To me She looks like a tranny… sorry!
Many regards and good luck!
October 3, 2006
At 6:45 am DonnaJEM said:
This is the most horrendous picture I’ve ever seen of Janet Jackson. That wig is completely awful on a woman of color, and the outfit is ridiculous. Plus the photoshop department at W should be sacked.
She looks like a cross between Xenu and her crazy brother. And where did her neck go?
Can’t we at least count on Oprah to tell her the truth?
Your rendition is supurb, as usual.
That second picture though is a COMPLETE insult to Cocker Spaniels.
October 3, 2006
At 6:57 am SlumNobility said:
Janet Jackson is repulsive. And it looks like another wardrobe malfunctioned all over her arms.
October 3, 2006
Christine
At 7:35 am Christine said:
Very funny! Though I’m pretty sure the original cover was just a victim of bad photoshop technique.
October 3, 2006
At 8:58 am Josh Maday said:
“Seventy is the New Twenty.” I don’t care for these tags, but LMFAO. Piss, everywhere. Soon: “Dementia and death is the New Eighteen.” Wait, that’s eighteen now.
Ah, 14, your genius grows more brilliant all the time.
October 3, 2006
At 9:21 am langtry said:
The thing about Janet is she has eyes are absolutely without animation. Most people display emotions that are reflected in their eyes: Janet’s reveal nothing. That and the coma-fied, brain-dead, little girl voice when she speaks (rather than sings). What the hell happened to her?
October 3, 2006
At 10:59 am Bella said:
I love you, 14! finally, someone realizes how disgusting this picture looks and captured it perfectly. You’re amazing. Also, does anyone else think she looks like a mentally-retarded Barbarella on this cover?
October 3, 2006
At 2:18 pm laura said:
I know what you mean! she looks even worse than usual on that cover…but I haven’t read to the actual interview yet so maybe her other pictures are better?
October 3, 2006
At 2:56 pm licoricepirate said:
aAAaaAaaaaAAaa
that scared me ..
xD
October 3, 2006
At 5:01 pm Viper Tetsu said:
The lazer beams emanating from the eyes frickin’ slay and mutilate me. Mag-FABU-nificent, as usual! Ms. Jackson and Diana Ross appear to have emerged from the same spacecraft.
When I was a wee lad in the late eighties, Janet Jackson inspired me to compose and record a song. It was entitled “Epileptic Bitch”.
I feel a remake, “Epileptic Alien Bitch,” coming on. Maybe Jimmy Jam and Terry Lewis could produce it.
October 3, 2006
emma
At 5:23 pm emma said:
I agree, she looks like a zombified sex doll and looks like she’s had a few ribs removed too.
October 3, 2006
At 8:00 am Jenn F. said:
There’s nothing un-sexier than someone trying really hard to look sexy.
Notice that ever since Janet lost the 300 extra pounds, you can’t find a single photo of her with more than a few scraps of material barely covering her bits? “Lookit me! Lookit me! I’m giving Beyoncé a run for her money! I’ve got a botched-up nose like my brother! My exposed boob at the Superbowl didn’t go over well like I thought it would!”
Usually she looks great, but that photo is na-ha-hasty. She looks like a second-rate tranny on Sunday morning after the Peach Schnappes has run out.
October 4, 2006
At 11:00 am HELENA said:
HAHA, 14, I love the sidetext. Brilliant!
P.S. You should come out with your own magazine, where you tell it like it is, and show it like it is! We are sick of airbrushed, over-done, fake looking celebs who don’t even look nearly like they do without photoshop!
October 4, 2006
At 2:07 pm Worker B…itch said:
I agree she looks like a two-bit, grotesque, plasticized tranny. Oh, and she also looks that way on the cover of W. And that ghastly hair… Yucky.
October 4, 2006
penname
At 2:39 pm penname said:
Oh man, Jenn F. can read my mind!!! I have always thought Janet was bizarre and unsexy and I’m grateful to the ’shoppers at W to emphasize the fug for all to see.
October 4, 2006
At 8:24 pm Javelin said:
she looks like the picture was snapped just as a clear glass door swung by and smacked her, smooshing her face and boobs in a weird way.
October 4, 2006
Damien
At 4:31 pm Damien said:
Yikes, dare I say woof woof.
October 5, 2006
At 5:36 pm Demon Kitty said:
I am so motherfucking sick of the goddamn Jackson family and its macabre frankenstein makeovers, blah blah blah…. Is there a fucking plastic surgeon in Hollywood who specializes in making black people look like ET or something? She looks like a mixture of Star Jones and Michael. Latoya and Michael are the same person. Janet put 2 softballs underneath the skin on her chest, set them on a tray, and then added material.
October 5, 2006
Jujupiter
At 4:03 am Jujupiter said:
OH MY GOD. What happened at W to let such a horrible cover be published? Seriously, this picture is really scary.
She really looks like an alien. 14, you forgot to draw her bionic star nipple!!!
She also does look like her brother. My flatmate told me it’s because they have the same surgeon.
Let’s make a little reference to the “Rocky Horror Picture Show” (that she could have starred as Frank): “Dammit, Janet!”
October 6, 2006
Magaholic
At 1:13 pm Magaholic said:
Overall I think the cover is pretty striking considering it features a celebrity that has been on the cover of atleast 3 other mags in the same month. Too bad she’s not a looker.
October 8, 2006
At 6:44 am Julia_Claudine_Deveraux said:
Damn shame. She went from totally hot to a wax figurine. Her face is so uncomfortable to look at, it just breaks my heart. I’m just glad they Photoshopped away that scary ass vein on her forehead EEWWWWW!
October 9, 2006
At 1:38 pm julie said:
OMG!!!! All this time I thought I was the only person who noticed Janet is a FREAK. I laughed so hard at the fingers that I nearly peed my pants. Good job depicting the true Janet Jackson 14.
October 12, 2006
At 9:35 pm Long Island Irish said:
LOL this is really funny. I have a cocker spanial by the way…..
October 15, 2006
At 7:20 pm East Side said:
Great - I saw this awful cover of JJ last week w/my 11 yr. old granddaughter - we both cracked. I thought whatever happened to poor JJ’s face - now I see it’s the very talented artists at W. Your pix is way, way more attractive ( the 2nd one).
October 16, 2006