Filed under: Jessica Simpson
How does Ashlee Simpson get her mouth to stretch like that? No wait, DO NOT answer that. I stumbled across these two photos and there was no way I couldn’t put them side by side for your amusement (or indifference).
Heavily medicated, I grabbed my sketchbook and oil pastels and produced this freakish amalgamation while in a state of delerium. I’ve been quite sick the past few weeks and have had to spend lots of time recovering with bed rest, so this is all I have to post today. I’m almost fully recovered and will be posting new, more coherent frivolities soon.
Posted by 14 ♦ August 22, 2006
At 5:11 am Andrea said:
Sorry to hear you’ve been sick.
Obviously your humor is still healthy.
She is still horse-faced even after being surgically altered. That is hilarious and thank you for putting it out there!!!
I will think of a horsie whenever I inadvertantly see her, ’singing’ on TV or whererever.
Hope you feel better.
August 22, 2006
Lisa
At 5:26 am Lisa said:
I check out your site because I think you are a extremely creative and a very artsy person. It seems maybe all the attention you get these days may have went to your head. I don’t find your celebrity comparisons funny in the least bit. Why don’t you use your skill in a better way? It is a shame to only use it in a negative way. You can paint your ass off.
(shaking my head)
August 22, 2006
At 5:55 am Texas said:
I wouldn’t want to make bets on her at a horse racing!
As always, thanks for the laughs this morning! You have outdone yourself once again, 14! Keep ‘em coming!
August 22, 2006
At 6:02 am phillyafterdark said:
wonderful.. but she needs a fly or two.. twitchy.
August 22, 2006
At 6:08 am janica said:
Hilarious 14! Hope you are feeling top-notch soon!
August 22, 2006
At 7:09 am DonnaJEM said:
Jebus, THAT is scarry!!!
August 22, 2006
At 7:26 am Aquafina said:
Hahahahaha perfect
August 22, 2006
Sunny
At 7:28 am Sunny said:
Funny as ever
August 22, 2006
At 7:57 am Devin said:
Fourteen…just what kind of pharmaceuticals are you taking?…’Cause I believe I may need some,too! That is too funny…and yet, quite appropriate for Miss Simpson. Giddy-yap!
P.S. I didn’t realize you’d been ill for quite some time…please get well very soon.
August 22, 2006
At 11:35 am Monica said:
14, if this is what you create while sick, I look forward to what happens when you’re feeling better!
Get well soon
August 22, 2006
At 11:59 am Josh Maday said:
Lisa said something above about painting asses, and I think she’s on the right track, because I think those drugs you’re on caused you to blend A. Simpson with the wrong end of the horse.
As always, great work, 13.5, hope you’re feeling like 14 again soon!
August 22, 2006
At 12:47 pm Charlene said:
Lisa, Lisa, Lisa…don’t think we don’t see through your supposed concern about 14’s talent. The only thing you care about is not having your tinpot gilded idols (the celebrities you think are gods) tarnished. Honey, they choose to be famous. When you are paid millions of dollars a year just because you starve yourself, were born with narrow shoulders, and are able to ’stand still and look stupid’ (Hedy Lamarr’s words), you deserve to be laughed at.
August 22, 2006
Art Griego
At 1:59 pm Art Griego said:
Maybe she was Jowling ?
August 22, 2006
At 2:11 pm Demon Kitty said:
Oh shit, I forgot you were sick 14! I am glad to know that you are feeling better. It fucking sucks to be sick man.
I will never understand how the Simpson bitches got famous. Maybe her mouth is wide because of all the cock she had to suck to get where she is.
Now, how do you like that one Lisa?!
August 22, 2006
14
At 2:58 pm 14 said:
Lisa, you are sooo right - all this attention I’ve been getting HAS gone to my head. Fame and fortune have clutched me in their greedy tentacles and are squeezing me in the most seductive and tantalizing of ways. In fact, I’m getting so famous that Star Magazine is gonna start running paparazzi photos of me cramming a giant hoagie in my mouth or taking out the trash in my pajamas in their “Stars: Are They Normal or Not” feature. I’m so stinkin’ rich that I just bought a Bentley Arnage and an architecturally challenged mansion perched on the edge of a landslide-prone Malibu cliff. Who cares whether I’m no longer funny and talented, it’s the MONEY and FAME I’m after. You’re just jealous of me and Paris. Whatever.
14
August 22, 2006
Action
At 6:03 pm Action said:
Eh, I’ll be honest, I thought your earlier work is better. Of course, you’re sick and on drugs, that’s always a valid excuse (seriously!).
However, I liked it when you put a bit more thought into your work. I’m just not feeling the animals+celebrities=celebrities. Feels like a cop-out to me.
Don’t get me wrong. I love your work and you definitely have a keen eye and a lot of talent.
August 22, 2006
At 6:18 pm Carole said:
Aw 14, I hate to admit it, Ashlee Simpson is one of my guilty pleasures. I love her music and find her very endearing! This was cute though! I got a chuckle out of it. I hope you feel better soon. I’m so jealous of your Chicago fans, they’ll get to see your work in person. I can’t wait till you make it to New York. I’ll be one of the first ones there.
August 22, 2006
At 6:31 pm Melanie said:
I just found your site (through PITNB) and I’m loving it - what a hilariously weird picture this one is. You are incredibly talented and funny to boot…. Enjoy that weird mansion. Hopefully Tom Cruise hasn’t locked you up in there to be his 2nd Scientology slave.
August 22, 2006
At 8:40 pm Javelin said:
Oh man, with those big chompers and long, pointy chin Ashlee would be perfect playing the grandma/wolf in “Little Red Riding Hood: The Musical”. Even better if she still had her original nose.
August 22, 2006
Henry
At 6:35 am Henry said:
‘Atta girl, 14. Much funnier and more interesting than the mini-me mashup. Hope you feel better.
August 23, 2006
At 8:45 am Liz said:
I hope you’re feeling better soon, 14. Annoying to be sick during the summer months.
I had one thought looking at this recent post. “Hello, I’m Mr. Ed”.
I’m dating myself, aren’t I?
And Lisa? Lighten up, for heaven’s sake.
August 23, 2006
At 10:00 am Katie said:
I just discovered this site recently, and it’s an ingenious blend of two of my favorite things: fine art and trashy celeb gossip. 14’s mastery of a wide variety of media and her uncanny ability to capture her subjects as they are portrayed in the gossip rags are priceless, and I look forward to each installment.
August 23, 2006
At 10:53 am Tamara Ikenberg said:
That is your most Dada work yet.
Disturbing, yet brilliant.
I am drawn to it like a moth to flame.
August 23, 2006
At 10:53 am jack e. jett said:
that is a fucking brilliant painting. a bit of an insult to the horse.
get it…bit (as in horse bit) of an insult.
a moment of silence for this pathetic post.
and it is my first.
lord forgive me.
jack jett
August 23, 2006
At 11:34 am midevil said:
You need some mascara lashes on those horey eye balls!
August 23, 2006
Lisa
At 11:43 am Lisa said:
Well last time I checked I thought this comment area was for exactly that, for people to comment on her work. I am entitled to my opinion last I checked. I am not really the type of person to follow along with everyone else’s opinion’s. Like I said 14 is a helluvan artist. So I haven’t been feeling the celibrity animal paintings..sue me.
August 23, 2006
Dave Hater
At 5:19 pm Dave Hater said:
Lisa, Lisa, Lisa…it is clear that when you are not dating men named Dave you are attending “how to be an art critic when you lack talent yourself” classes at your local community college. While it’s true this may come in handy at a later date–you can always get a job at The Stranger, a navel-gazing rag in Seattle, where the only art that gets good writeups is made by people the art critic is fucking or wants to fuck–out here in the real world it’s probably best to admit the failing is not in 14’s talent but in your ability to appreciate funny shit.
Just sayin’.
August 23, 2006
At 5:23 pm theidlereceptionist said:
Fabulous!!
Oh, god, can the Ashlee Horse meet the Hilary Horse? Prease?
August 23, 2006
At 5:24 pm theidlereceptionist said:
P.S. Get better!!
August 23, 2006
At 6:51 pm Bea said:
Sometimes I look at it and it looks like an amalgamation. Other times it looks like the horse is throwing up Ashlee.
PS Everyone, hold your mouse over the picture. 14, that’s too great a name to keep hidden!
August 23, 2006
At 9:54 pm Elaine said:
Can I just tell you that I think you’re brilliant and hilarious?
You’re brilliant and hilarious.
There. I said it. I LOVED THIS PAINTING!!!..although what did horses ever do to you to insult them in such a way? ;D
August 23, 2006
Art Griego
At 5:53 am Art Griego said:
Sorry for double-posting, but there is something so friggin’ fascinating about that picture of Ashley. After looking at that pic and others on the net, You can even notice when her pic is mirror flipped!
August 24, 2006
C
At 11:09 am C said:
Speaking of mashing two awfully similar photos, what about a Federline-Weasel picture?
http://cityrag.blogs.com/main/2006/08/kevin_federline.html
August 24, 2006
At 1:12 pm Crees_Dahl said:
Another hit. I almost choked on my lunch. I will have to remember to wait till your page loads before taking a bite next time.
Lisa, you suck!
August 24, 2006
Damien
At 4:53 pm Damien said:
Poor Ashlee, can someone please try and offer up an apple at her next public appearance - I just want to see if she eats treats like a horsie.
August 24, 2006
At 8:57 am Noelegy said:
Lisa, how do you know she’s NOT using her skill “in a better way?” Just because she posts her celebrity caricatures on a website to share with us, I’m sure that doesn’t represent 14’s complete body of work.
This picture is going to give me nightmares. Thanks, 14!
August 25, 2006
At 8:48 pm Lolainchesaway said:
FUCKING BRILLIANT!
Oh… And I hope you are feeling better.
August 25, 2006
At 12:38 am Viper Tetsu said:
I’ve come to the conclusion that you channel Salvador Dali every time you get sick.
Incredible.
August 26, 2006
Clay
At 10:34 am Clay said:
That looks more like an ass-mouth to me.
August 26, 2006
Dave Hater
At 11:49 am Dave Hater said:
Damien, please be sure when feeding Ms. Simpson a delicious Fuji or Braeburn, to keep your palm flat so she doesn’t munch up your fingers by mistake. You could end up in the ER being treated by a doctor named Dave.
Just sayin’.
August 26, 2006
At 2:51 pm Chansmom said:
Yikes, 14. I hope you’re feeling better! Poor boo!
While I don’t believe I’ve ever heard Ashley’s music, I thought she was the cutest of the two sisters. I liked her nose, it gave her “something.” But like all little insecure types, she has messed up her face.
Good work!
August 26, 2006
At 1:32 pm Crees_dahl said:
LISA…
First of all, don’t ever shake your head when posting a comment. The four brain cells you possess in that tiny skull might crash into each other and render you unconscious. Then you would be unable to pull that darn stick out of your ass!
Secondly, Asslee doesn’t give a flying fuck about you. In fact if you were at work (at McDonalds), she would climb over the counter in a drunken stupor, call you a bitch and vomit on the floor. Then you would have to clean it up.
Lastly, if you don’t like 14’s work I don’t think she will care either. If you’re so concerned for the feelings of the celebs she paints then start your own celeb-kiss-ass-blog and see how many hits you get.
P.s. I would sue you, but I don’t think that stupidity is a valid claim in any court of law.
August 30, 2006
At 9:35 am Long Island Irish said:
It’s so true, your drawing is the truth 14!
September 3, 2006
Ilsa
At 9:48 am Ilsa said:
Ha ha! She’s a horse, of course, of course!
September 3, 2006
At 9:42 pm Audrey said:
you still look pretty!
September 3, 2006
At 6:50 pm matherson said:
LOL
September 20, 2006