Filed under: Celebrity Animals, Star Jones, Star Jones Art
Rumors are flying that Star Jones got canned from The View because of all the attention surrounding her shameless quest for freebies and because of the denial and controversy surrounding her dramatic weight loss. When it comes to Star Jones, I don’t know what to believe…all I know is that when Animal Magazine asked Michael K and I to come up with ideas for celebrity animals, we all agreed that Ms. Jones reminded us of one of those bug-eyed goldfish. According to popular speculation, both the Bug-Eyed Star Fish (gastrica bypassus denialus) and the Reynolds Rainbow Trout (homosexus closeta) are awash in various forms of denial.
Posted by 14 ♦ June 28, 2006
At 10:18 am alisa said:
I just saw her on tv today and was thinking how there was something very odd about her face that I could not put my finger on. I think you hit the nail on the head in that she resembles a goldfish.
June 28, 2006
At 11:06 am Whitney said:
Wow. Just wow. How do you manage to be so spot on, every time? The eyes - brilliant!
June 28, 2006
At 12:07 pm susan said:
That’s perfect! Good Job!
June 28, 2006
At 12:16 pm DonnaJEM said:
I burst out laughing at work when I pulled this up! It is hilarious and scary at the same time! Love the scientific definitions of each of them, homosexus closeta! BWAAAAAHHHHH!!!
Brilliant!
June 28, 2006
At 12:36 pm Sophia said:
see, i think she looks more like a lolly pop. i can’t stand Star Jones, she makes me crazy.
June 28, 2006
At 12:40 pm cowlick Deann said:
She’s one of those people that have such a pretty face…when she’s heavy. Since she has lost weight she’s become almost ET looking.
June 28, 2006
arb
At 1:08 pm arb said:
“gastrica bypassus denialus” and “homosexus closeta”—brilliant, as are how you captured star as the bug-eyed fish. where does this inspiration come?? you’re able to generate so much!!! never disappointed.
aside: it’s amazing how folks believe that if they try hard enough to project their fantasy realities outward, that we’ll eat it up and not vomit. star jones’ denial of how she achieved her weight loss is just stunning.
June 28, 2006
At 1:23 pm kate said:
Brilliant as always. I love the look on the face of the Big Gay Al Fish.
June 28, 2006
At 2:04 pm Andy Rooney said:
I like the Reynolds Rainbow Trout even more than the devilish Miss Jones :-).
June 28, 2006
Adrienne
At 2:13 pm Adrienne said:
I love the scientific names!!
June 28, 2006
At 2:17 pm Allan said:
I’ve been coming here for a few months now, and this is by far my favourite work you’ve done. How in the world did this woman ever get on TV, and then get so bloody famous?
June 28, 2006
At 2:52 pm Marie said:
I have to agree this will be hard to top. This is magical AND funny. I never thought I’d want an image of Star Jones on my wall, ever. But I would enjoy hanging this by the fridge.
June 28, 2006
Damien
At 3:47 pm Damien said:
Yikes I would’nt want to reel that puppy in on a dark night. Reynolds the rainbow trout, you’ve just got to love that.
June 28, 2006
At 4:06 pm Gigi said:
Am I the only one who thinks Star Jones in insanely beautiful?
June 28, 2006
At 4:22 pm Brandon Isk said:
Join the campaign!!!
REPLACE STAR JONES WITH THE PINE-SOL LADY!!!!
Do what you know is right.
June 28, 2006
At 4:31 pm Andrea said:
Thank you!! I always found her odious, so pompous and fulla her self, she gives me the heaves, but I didn’t think you’d do her. Oh, wait, you did do her.
She reminds me of a woman you might have known in your childhood who is very groomed and accessorized, mesmerizing in her glamour even, but your glad as shit that she isn’t YOUR Mom…s-c-a-r-y.
You always validate, show that evidence of the H’wood culture so well, so clearly. The little goofy husband-fish next to her, he is so cute and funny. He looks clueless and void of STAR QUALITY. And, for a lil gay fish, not very well-groomed. Perfect.
Mwah! mwah!
June 28, 2006
At 4:34 pm Javelin said:
hahaha awesome. you hit on a lot of truths here. perhaps that’s what keeps star & big gal al together– they love livin’ in denial.
i wish i could buy your art as posters!
June 28, 2006
At 6:29 pm Chansmom said:
Thanks for the big laugh! Oh man, I needed that after the day I’ve had.
You hit it just right on the facial expression when it comes to her greed. And Al! I still giggle when I look at him. Oh, 14. You’re evil. And I love you for it!
June 28, 2006
At 7:30 pm Nancy said:
I think her eyes remind me of a cow. when you look at a cow’s profile, their one eye is able to stare right at you, because it’s literally on the SIDE of it’s head - and it’s round and buggy. That’s what Star looks like to me. I also agree that she’s in denial. The only person that thinks she’s a glamour queen is HER.
June 28, 2006
At 8:01 pm Long Island Irish said:
“awash in various forms of denial” LOL I love it! I also would buy this as a poster if I could. You should see if you can get a poster deal 14–I’m sure lots of companies would go for the idea. You’d make tons of money.
June 28, 2006
At 9:04 pm Sheila said:
I would buy this in poster form - email me if you decide to. The is your best work, for so many snarkalicious reasons.
June 28, 2006
At 10:02 pm Demon Kitty said:
Oh my… dear Gawd - Jesus, Joseph and Mary- motherfuck!
I honestly believe Hollywood and television have these contracts where a homosexual marries someone or there is an arranged marriage with monetary compensation for the sake of a public image.
Maybe Al wanted to stay in the closet forever and Star Jones got greedy and wanted self promotion or some shit - never mind, the bitch looks scary. He is so flaming - oh to hell with it.
I honestly believe Tom Cruise paid Katy Holmes to pretend to bear his child (that control freak closet homo that he is). Nicole Kidman is paying Keith Urban to marry her (maybe I want to think she’s a lezzie) and rumors of her pregnancy for the sake of PUBIC image and I also think Keith urban is a homo. But then what can I say? I think all of Hollywood is gay pretending to be straight. I think all these marriages are bullshit and someone involved is gay.
Um … my point was- I want Star Jones and Big Gay Al to go away and never come back. They are their own 5 ring circus - from HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Demon Kitty
June 28, 2006
dontwannasay
At 10:25 pm dontwannasay said:
That is a really pretty picture, minus her face. I love it. And Al looks so funny here too. almost cute in a cartoon way.
June 28, 2006
At 12:02 am bunnymeee said:
how much do I love that little trout drawing?
June 29, 2006
At 5:18 am katie scarlett said:
your best so far 14….wait! I say that about ALL of your work ….. I am sure she just gave up eating buckets of KFC, yeh,,,, that’s it… she needed to fit into her closet full of Payless Shoes!!!
June 29, 2006
At 8:21 am Maria said:
You simply are a genius.
June 29, 2006
At 10:51 am Genevieve said:
The Reynolds Rainbow Trout is sooooo cute. I want one. In a bowl off course, not in human form.
June 29, 2006
At 12:52 pm Tom said:
You are one of our national treasures. Like Hirschfield, Mort Drucker, John Kricfalusi and only a few others, you have so mastered the art of caricature that the rest of us can just give it up. You brilliant little minx!
June 29, 2006
At 1:19 pm Morrigan said:
Glad I’m not the only one who think Reynolds Rainbow trout is too cute! And you’re right…Star does look like one of those buggy-eyed goldfish.
June 29, 2006
StarFading
At 1:32 pm StarFading said:
She’s a beast fat or thin. Tracey Morgan in drag is better looking.
June 29, 2006
At 2:08 pm Worker B…itch said:
God, I love your blog. I do. I do. I do. You captured her perfectly. She was so much better looking when she was a porkster. You’re alright with me, 14. You make me laugh… my ass off. YOu’re so talented; with a paint brush, and a pen. Love it. Love it.
June 29, 2006
At 3:26 pm Janina said:
Imma wet myself!
Oh Lord-ah… Wooooo.. That’s good. The latin names are too good.
Clever little fox, 14.
June 29, 2006
At 4:36 pm Andy Rooney said:
How wonderful that people are showing the Reynolds Rainbow Trout some love.
Homosexus Closeta fu-king rules.
June 29, 2006
At 10:40 pm Canyouhandlethetruth said:
BINGO! THERE ARE SOME SICK PUPPIES ON THIS SITE! MOST OF YOU GUYS NEED TO ASK FOR MORE MENTAL HEALTH DAYS OFF!
June 29, 2006
At 6:40 am Cosmokid said:
14, you are the goddess — not A goddess but THE goddess! Loved your Star Jones and Gay Al.
Seeing Gay Al swimming alongside Star I was thinking it would be cool to see a montage of bizarre “hangers-on” that have attached - like loray eels - to their much more famous “spouses” (or girlfriends/boyfriends.)
I’m thinking….Oprah’s Stedman….Billy Joel’s inexplicable new 20-something wife who just hosted the disastrous Top Chef on Bravo….basically anyone who attaches themselves to a truly famous person in hopes that his or her famousness will rub off on them and allow them to have a career by association…except it never really works, ’cause all it does is annoy the heck out of people since these folks have no discernible talent or reason for being.
You know, something like that!
Your ideas are far superior than mine, though, so take this ramble with a grain of salt!
Cosmokid
June 30, 2006
At 6:54 am freeneuron said:
The Gay Al Trout is hilarious!
June 30, 2006
At 9:01 am buzzgirl said:
Dear sweeet Jeebus! That illustration is amazingly perfect. Genius. Really. I love it. Bravo!
June 30, 2006
At 9:07 am buzzgirl said:
By the way, I just read your bio and see that you live in San Francisco, too. It would be my honor to buy you a burrito at Taqueria Cancun!
June 30, 2006
At 9:59 am Noelegy said:
Add me to the “love it” chorus. I like old-fashioned botanical and zoological illustrations, and you’ve captured the look and feel perfectly.
June 30, 2006
At 11:49 am Lori said:
This is awesome. After her weight loss, Star’s eyes have always freaked me out. They’re just so weird, like they’re sunk in or something. Either way this piece is hillarious and just tells the truth. lol
June 30, 2006
At 7:27 am Lana said:
This is utter genius!!!! Wow.
July 1, 2006
Dan
At 6:17 pm Dan said:
The poofy tuft of hair on Al-trout does it for me.
July 2, 2006
At 1:16 am starlicious said:
Brilliant! Now please do an Elizabeth Hasselback (so sweet-looking & ever skinnier, but hideously Bush-WHACKED!)
July 3, 2006
At 3:02 pm TheIdleReceptionist said:
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
It just gets better and better.
Never stop, 14 or Micheal K.
Bless you both.
July 9, 2006
At 3:03 pm TheIdleReceptionist said:
The Al Fish almost made me shart myself.
July 9, 2006
At 11:47 pm Viper Tetsu said:
The outpouring of unanimous, venomous hatred for Star Jones from the 14 Flock moves and inspires me more than Mother Teresa, Rocky, and Lance Armstrong put together. Sweet Jesus in Burgundy corduroy, her time in the spotlight needs to end. She may be skinny, sallow, and emaciated, but inside Star Jones is still the fattest, greediest, oinking-est sow in the Free Shit Pen.
That Reynolds Rainbow Trout is just screaming (meekly whispering?) to be immortalized as a plastic fishing lure.
Sublime,as always.
July 25, 2006
At 3:58 am goldfish said:
Haha, you just made my day
May 22, 2007
At 10:01 pm Mallamar Berracci said:
[QUOTE]Tracey Morgan in drag is better looking.[/QUOTE]
Funny you should say that, since Tracy Morgan (and later Kenan Thompson) played Star Jones on “Saturday Night Live”.
Footnote: Kenan Thompson was a castmember on the kids’ sketch show “All That” and the Nickelodeon sitcom “Kenan and Kel”. When he grew up, he had a lot of small parts in movies and is now (as of this writing) a castmember on the long-running NBC sketch show “Saturday Night Live”.
December 21, 2007