Filed under: Britney Spears, Britney Spears Art, Celebrity Endorsements
Look, I realize this is pandering to the lowest common denominator of cesspool gossip, but my mission is to illustrate gossip…and so I do what I must. My inspiration comes from the fact Britney Spears and Cheetos have become so synonymous that one term is rarely mentioned without the other. Just take a look at what the bloggers are saying. In addition, Star magazine has been monitoring Brit’s weight gain over the past month and even ran a cover photo screaming “Brit Gains 20 lbs. MORE!” Our investigative team has just uncovered Frito-Lay’s plans to expand their product line by offering Cheetos Britney, an even cheesier, greasier and more unnatural shade of orange crunchy snack. We were able to obtain a prototype image of the bag (see above) and also got our hands on the teaser ad (see below) scheduled to appear in upcoming magazines right before the product becomes available.
Aren’t you intrigued? Is your mouth watering for cheesy goodness?
This is what the ad will look like inserted into the pages of a sample magazine.
Posted by 14 ♦ January 30, 2006
At 12:00 pm Cyclops Kitten Natividad said:
That girl looks more like Elvis every day. The weight gain, the studying of mystic religions…how long will it be till she takes up karate? If you see her eating a fried banana, peanut butter and bacon sandwich you will know for sure….
…hey wait…
OMG! Elvis’ cover is blown! He is in fact not dead, or working in a Kalamazoo Burger King; he just had a very clever body-mod…but they forgot to leave out the appetite!
January 30, 2006
At 12:42 pm Crees_dahl said:
Excellent work 14!
The contrast between her pasty pallid face and the bright orange of the cheeto powder offset by the burstable red zits is truly remarkable.
January 30, 2006
At 1:08 pm midevil said:
You can take the redneck out of redneck town, but you just can’t get that f*in’ Cheeto stain off the girl!
January 30, 2006
At 1:14 pm Sharp Lily said:
I’ll never look at Cheetos the same way again. Sick and genius.
January 30, 2006
At 4:04 pm Mel said:
Looks like Elvis, the peanut butter/banana sandwich years.
January 30, 2006
At 4:29 pm April said:
I almost vomited looking at the mouth close-up. Well done, indeed!
January 30, 2006
At 4:44 pm Chansmom said:
Yikes! I had to cover my eyes at first! The cheese is so bright! Not to mention the zits. They do pop out at you…heh. (I couldn’t resist.)
She has turned into one nasty skank.
January 30, 2006
At 4:48 pm james said:
wow - that’s rough… hilarious, but rough… she certainly has let herself go this past year. i’m sure stirrup pants and lunch-lady arms aren’t too far off in the future.
keep up the great work!
January 30, 2006
At 7:22 pm DonnaJEM said:
Gross………period.
January 30, 2006
At 10:09 pm Demon Kitty said:
When I was a kid, I used to love cheetos. Those airy, crunchy, cheesy things… I was elated when they came back on the market. However, Brittany and her “I am a trailer park redneck who desperately wishes that I could have come from Compton and be one bad muthafucka wid mah bitches and hos” skanky husband have ruined them for me. In the nether regions of my subconscious, I actually know that K Fed’s spooge is really that bright orange stuff around her mouth. They have me equating cheeto residue with K- fed’s left over love gravy- arm pit grease, butt crack residue and smegma. Now that these two human beings have made me sick again, I am going to go barf. They have destroyed my precious childhood delight. They better not touch space dust ….
So Much love,
Demon Kitty
January 30, 2006
At 11:01 pm Viper Tetsu said:
“Cheese-gasmic” is now my favorite neologism ever ever EVER. At least until your next Fourteenism. I’m gonna call EVERYthing cheesegasmic now.
The media–fuck, most of the WORLD–dubbed this junk-food shovelling wall-eyed little primate a major sex symbol and international star. Could someone tell me why? Couldn’t be her natural vocal talent: Her anonymous chirp of a voice wouldn’t stand out in a vocal police lineup. Her looks? Even at her least pustulent, she looked like any other physically inoffensive high-school blonde. And the only humans likely to deem her sexy are either too young to vote legally, or too perversely fixated on those too young to vote legally to be allowed to walk the streets. And with her rapid tailspin into acne-spotted white-trash gluttony, Brit’s rapidly alienating even those sorry-ass demographics.
Once again, you peel away the artifice and force us to look at the ugly squirmy bits underneath. What’s more, you make it really, really, really fucking funny.
That’s my windy-assed way of saying, BRAVO! Again!
January 30, 2006
At 6:55 am Monica said:
You just made my morning. I’ve never been a Britney fan and her downfall is an endless source of amusement… particularly when illustrated so beautifully!
January 31, 2006
At 8:09 am megan said:
This is brilliant!!! love the double chin!! I can just hear the commercial tag line coming from Brit’s cheeto filled, cheese crusted, zit covered mouth — they’re cheesegasmic y’all!!!
January 31, 2006
Penname
At 9:06 am Penname said:
Excellent. Really great. I think what is very nice about this is that you captured not only the obvious such as bad skin and ratty hair, but also her thick, linebacker neck.
January 31, 2006
At 9:40 am robin said:
I am no fan of Britney, but give the poor girl a break already!
January 31, 2006
At 10:36 am Ki said:
LoL. You’re going to hell with gasoline drawers on, I hope you know that!! =)
January 31, 2006
Anonymous
At 11:26 am Anonymous said:
My new favorite blog. *Bookmarks*
January 31, 2006
At 11:40 am Elaine said:
ah the detail, the wonderful combination of orange upon pasty white, the flecks of cheetoh dust play well with the white heads… yet ANOTHER masterpiece!!!
BRAVA!!!
January 31, 2006
At 12:05 pm TheIdleReceptionist said:
Ahhhh!! Too funny!
January 31, 2006
At 2:08 pm me said:
have always been grossed out by her 25″ neck — thanks for capturing that perfectly - and the zits are so realistic — that must’ve been a real labor of love to create those so nicely!
January 31, 2006
At 2:48 pm HOmade said:
I love you 14!!!
But, you missed the black roots and greasy hair!
January 31, 2006
Damien Morgan
At 3:00 pm Damien Morgan said:
Ahhh I love it when you take on Britney, those Cheetos will get you everytime. I guess Kevin has to kiss this pimple ridden lips to get his allowance, heh now thats justice.
January 31, 2006
At 4:24 pm Long Island Irish said:
The sad thing is this is true. Britney has allowed herself to go down the sewer this year. I only feel sorry for that poor child; soon his folks will have no money left and he will be forced to wear a Cheeto’s bag around the trailer park.
January 31, 2006
Fug
At 1:49 am Fug said:
LMAO nice!
February 1, 2006
At 6:10 am gnarlykitty said:
ur site is hilarious! ur a very talented and twisted artist
that’s a compliment by the way
February 1, 2006
At 6:51 am nvr4money said:
You imply that regular Cheetos are an unnatural shade of orange. I take offense. I believe that everything else that is supposedly orange are just poor imitaors, cheesy imitators, if you will. I believe the Cheetos orange is what God intended orange to be.
February 1, 2006
Anonymous
At 7:03 am Anonymous said:
Looks like she could also double as the endorser for Valtrex
February 1, 2006
At 7:42 am Kristin said:
14, I am yet again speechless at the astounding quality of your work; your new metaphor is that of Beluga caviar in a sea of Aldi-brand tuna!! (which I’m sure the lovely Miss Britney Jean Cletus purchases on a regular basis) Keep the celebrity disses coming!!
February 1, 2006
At 8:29 am 4brit said:
Give Britney a break! She is not all that bad. Granted she has lost some of her star looks, Britney will rise above!
February 1, 2006
At 9:22 am Johnny Huh? said:
You know, watching her video for “Oops, I did it again” and seeing her now is an amazing transformation from pop-tart to Jabba the Brit.
Sad but oh well. Cheetos are like cheese crack though so I feel her addiction.
February 1, 2006
At 9:42 am NotHerFan said:
This is priceless!! Anything I find slamming her is great. She has been a pig since she came on the scene and now she married a womanizing slob only to get pregnant (to have a sperm donor)This just shows even more what an f*$king porker she is and has all the potential to be, Kudos!!
February 1, 2006
Anonymous
At 9:48 am Anonymous said:
hater
February 1, 2006
At 9:53 am Ilsa said:
Simply and beautifully grotesque. I can envision the acne pustules in exquisite detail and smell the skank Cheeto breath through my screen. My stomach is actually burning and churning at these images. Cheesegasmic indeed.
February 1, 2006
At 10:13 am NoHerFan said:
This is priceless!! I love anything slamming this pig. She is such a slob and that womanizing mess of a husband should both be beaten with large objects. This porker only got married to say “I’m married now it’s legal to have a baby with the sperm donor she picked.”
February 1, 2006
At 10:37 am Paco said:
LOSERS!!! She’s already losing weight - haven’t you seen photos from last week…stay up on your gossip, if you’re gonna comment. You’re probably all eating Cheetos right now…
February 1, 2006
At 11:31 am carmen said:
this is so funny
February 1, 2006
At 11:36 am carmen said:
remarkable resembalance to the porker her self! damn to be 25 rich and look like that… what a shame
February 1, 2006
Bill M
At 12:23 pm Bill M said:
I’d still do her.
February 1, 2006
At 12:47 pm coglethorpe said:
This is way to close to reality. She’s gone from the Rolling Stone jail-bait covergirl to Roseanne Barr in 2 short years.
February 1, 2006
At 2:48 pm Patrick Fitzgerald said:
She’s been eating her Cruci-fixin’s:
http://www.cnn.com/2006/SHOWBIZ/TV/02/01/people.spears.ap/index.html
February 1, 2006
At 4:37 pm KatieScarlett said:
you rock 14 ! We D- listers love you ! once again you managed to capture exactly what we all think!
February 1, 2006
At 4:53 pm Halden said:
Don’t you think she looks in the mirror too and has low self confidence. Don’t you think she has been unhappy with her weight. Don’t you think she sees her pimples and wishes they were gone. People who take glee out of other poeple’s misery are just mean and spiteful. On top of that I saw pictures of her at the SAG awards this year ,06′, she has dropped all that weight she gained. I mean she is not as thin as she used to be, lets say Slave 4 U, but she does not have a double chin and her skin looked very clear. Plus, all those Cheetos that she apparntly eats day in and day out those where just snap shots of days that those photographers caught her eating them. It certaintly does not mean everyday.
February 1, 2006
At 6:03 pm 14 said:
Dear Halden and other Britney fans,
I appreciate your concern for Britney Spears. Wouldn’t it be nice if everyone was as compassionate as you? I hear ya, I really do. Since I have decided to devote a small part of my art career documenting and observing celebrity gossip, that’s what is going to show up on Gallery of the Absurd. My mission is to paint gossip, pure and simple. I take inspiration from the printed tabloids as well as from the many gossip bloggers out there. I have yet to find any sweet and gentle gossip regarding Britney’s low self-esteem or whether she feels bad about her pimples - if it was there, I’d illustrate it.
Gossip isn’t pretty, but it’s not going to go away any time soon. The Britney Spears human being is not the same character as what the gossip makes her out to be. Gossip turns a celebrity into a completely different creature. A curious creature in a freak show…and this is what interests me.. For now, I’m going to continue taking from material that already exists (ex: the meme of Britney and Cheetos) and documenting it with my illustrations. I’m not going to be painting gossip forever, mostly because it’s so draining. Perhaps you’ll become a fan of my work when I start painting butterflies. I’m not kidding. I WILL paint butterflies one day.
Start a gossip blog that speaks nothing but positive and uplifting reports about tabloid celebrites. I don’t think anyone has done that yet.
love,
14
February 1, 2006
At 9:57 pm Viper Tetsu said:
“Thick, linebacker neck…” Hah! YES!!
“Jabba the Brit” Double Ha-HAH!! and double-yes!
Truer words, never spoke.
February 1, 2006
At 12:26 am Ivan Minic said:
Great job!
February 2, 2006
At 1:30 am TONTON RAVACHOL said:
TOP over TOP !!!!
MAGNIFIQUE ! Lol !
Hi hi hi hi…..
BRAVOSSIMO !
February 2, 2006
At 8:13 am Moonmaid said:
14, I do think a trailer in the background of the illustration might be appropos.
Poor girl. I do feel kinda sorry for her.
February 2, 2006
At 9:08 am Alex said:
that was very bad of you guys to do that too any body,its not fair,she just had a baby,and i think you should give her some time too come back too her self.
February 2, 2006
At 11:29 am RAUL CASTILLO said:
I THINK EVERYONE SHOULD JUST LEAVE HER ALONE SHE IS HAVING TO DEAL WITH MUCH KAOS…FROM THE BABY WEIGHT TO KEVINS BEHAVIOR.
February 2, 2006
At 12:27 am greencellist said:
14, I’ll still enjoy your work when you’re painting butterflies. And while I’m waiting, I’ll enjoy another helping of your crunchy, cheesegasmic celebrity gossip brought to life! Britney has her guilty pleasures, and I have mine!
February 3, 2006
cherise
At 5:47 am cherise said:
eeeeeeww! The close-up is very well-done, but gross nonetheless! And very Britney now!
February 3, 2006
At 9:33 am midwestocean@kc.rr.com said:
Yes, yes, yes…the zits, the cheeto residue, the thick neck are all fine, but my favorite touch were the long dangly earrings. One could almost touch those plastic flea market beads.
For all the people who wag fingers and state, “gossip is mean spirited” or “Brit is losing the weight” I believe you are missing the larger picture. Celebrities are safe topics for the masses to discuss. It makes little difference if one is liberal or conservative, old or young, poor or rich - we all know who she is and in some small way have an opinion about her, which may be shared at the water cooler without much passion. Further, in a gestalt inspired world, we without fame can look at postpartum Britney and perhaps see aspects of ourselves (albeit without the pee colored earrings).
Fame is a difficult mistress to pursue…one shouldn’t do it if one isn’t willing to pay the price.
February 3, 2006
Anonymous
At 12:07 pm Anonymous said:
Fuck!!!That close up was great!!!!!
February 3, 2006
At 5:04 pm lebrandyn said:
brittney is a little nasty skank.
February 4, 2006
At 11:36 am Dawn (webmiztris) said:
ha! those whiteheads look TOO real!!
February 5, 2006
At 8:56 am nadine said:
I love your site.. you are a brilliant artist. Your renee zellwegger stuff is my fave.. Please do some posh stuff.. she my fave celeb to knock!!!
February 6, 2006
At 7:05 pm cibbuano said:
A brilliant concept and masterful execution!
February 7, 2006
At 2:11 pm mary said:
eew, i seriously almost vomitted the first time i saw the close up of her month.. naassty
February 8, 2006
Goober
At 8:30 pm Goober said:
So britney’s become synonymous with cheetos. Is that because of you 14? You’re hilarious. I cam acrosss this blog ( http://www.bastardly.com/archives/category/sex-celebrities/britney-spears/ ) after clicking your google search, maybe you’ve seen it, probably. It has some good stuff also. I especially like the K-Fed rap album cover. Pure genius.
February 11, 2006
At 5:02 pm karen said:
Okay I have to admit the picture captures Brittney in all her glory.It is fabulous !After seeing her driving with her baby on her lap ,I am down with all the criticisim of her .she is not only a porker she is a bad mommy. she needs to drop the cheetoes and put her kid in a friggin car seat.Shit happens Brit ,,wise up !
February 12, 2006
At 5:19 pm Jenny said:
This is horrible but I <3 it.
February 16, 2006
At 7:20 pm Lauren said:
OMG utterly hilarious one of a kind u rock!
February 18, 2006
Darth munki
At 5:01 am Darth munki said:
^this^
February 26, 2006
At 12:24 am Kamala said:
Holy shmoley 14, I reckon I almost pooped my pants in horrified glee when I saw that closeup. Ewww! YesSS! Sick!
March 9, 2006
At 1:28 pm sarah Hawatmeh said:
I think Britney Spears is really pretty You people are just Jeolouse of.
March 29, 2006
At 7:50 pm Long Island Irish said:
With her makeup she may appear to be pretty but her husband sure ain’t no matter what light you put on him. With he being married to a man like that I don’t see how anyone COULD be jealous of her.
April 7, 2006
At 6:25 am Dou said:
Jeez! Thanks for reminding me how disgusting cheetos are.
Then again I think the only punishment hard enough for Kev would be if thick hairy siders popped out from her zits every time she talks and ate him slowly and painfully.
July 11, 2006
At 4:34 pm chloe said:
Can I just say one thing? Britney has worked very hard in the past years with her career and keeping herself looking good. I bet all you who have wrote means things about her arn’t HALF as pretty as she is or as talented. Ok so her singing voice isnt the best in the world, but its okay and shes a great dancer, and not to bad of an actress. Okay so shes let herself go a bit and is married to a complete asshole, but shes got a baby to look after and another on the way!! Shes entitled to gain a bit of weight and chill out through all this, you shallow f***in bastards! Shes still human! You people make me sick. I bet most guys would rather pay to f*** Britney as she is now than get paid to f*** your mom when she was pregnant with you! Get a life, your all jealous of her as she is a very pretty and talented girl with more money than you’ll ever have and she’l bounce back looking better than ever in the end, just you wait.
August 5, 2006
At 3:13 am petit couillu said:
oh!! yes we love this picture!!!!!
August 24, 2006
At 4:54 pm ashley said:
I DO NOT KNOW WHAT PEOPLE HAVE AGAINST BRITNEY, SHE IS SIMPLY A POP STAR AND WHAT IF SHE WANTED A BREAK FOR HER OWN LIFE, ITS NOT LIKE SHE IS NEVER COMING BACK AS A POP STAR , SHE JUST TOOK A BREAK TO HAVE HER KIDS….. ITS HER LIFE, AND IF SHE HAS DONE THINGS THAT RUIN HER REPUTATION , SO WHAT ??? ITS HER PROBLEM..RESPECT HER PRIVATE LIFE, BEING A POP STAR ISNT ALL , SHE IS A WOMAN , THE GOAL OF A WOMAN IS TO HAVE KIDS…..AND NOW THAT SHE HAD ONE AND IS HAVING MORE THERE IS NOTHING TO DO ITS NOT LIKE SHE IS KILLING THE BABY FOR HER CAREER OR MAYBE ADOPTING THEM, BEING AGAINST HER FOR HER FERTILITY IS A WASTE OF TIME, AND THERE IS 1 MILLION PEOPLE IN EACH COUNTRY WHO WOULD DO ANYTHING TO HAVE KIDS, BUT THEY CANT SO LET BRITNEY HAVE A BREAK AND BE FREE LET HER HAVE AS MANY KIDS AS SHE WANTS , I WILL ASURE YOU SHE WILL COME BACK AS THE SPECIAL POP STAR WE KNOW SHE WAS.
September 10, 2006
At 2:37 pm Anonymous said:
haha! Thats hilarious.. that poor little (or shall i say big?) hog!
October 3, 2006