Filed under: Jessica Simpson
After noticing photos of Jessica Simpson’s giant red lips making the rounds on the gossip blogs, I decided to go into my art studio/laboratory and create a new product for mass distribution. Now anyone can sport the popular trout pout look without painful and expensive collagen injections or implants! Jessica Simpson Swollen Red Lips
are so easy to use. Simply open the package and stick our adhesive lips
over your own and in no time flat, you’ve got the hottest look in
Hollywood!
Here is a Gallery of the Absurd agent wearing Jessica Simpson Swollen Red Lips at the office. Anyone can see how realistic and sexy they are! Order your lips today.
Posted by 14 ♦ January 18, 2006
At 11:44 am TheIdleReceptionist said:
I would like two pair, please.
January 18, 2006
At 12:33 pm Dawn (webmiztris) said:
wow! you’d need a whole tube of lipstick to cover those babies just once!
January 18, 2006
At 12:37 pm mlorena said:
OMG! Absolutely on target! You even managed to capture the high arch on her brow and the dark liner! Too funny…
January 18, 2006
At 12:47 pm Crees_Dahl said:
How sad. She is such a naturally beautiful person. Something inside is telling her she needs to be more. Why can’t people just be happy with who they are (especially when your only 25 and gorgeous).
But then again, maybe collagen has the same effect as coke. probably cheaper too.
BTW, You are the best. Wicked, but the best!
January 18, 2006
14
At 12:57 pm 14 said:
I agree. The photos in which Jessica Simpson looks her best are the ones showing her without makeup. She’s a natural beauty.
See? I can be nice.
MEOW
January 18, 2006
At 2:35 pm Long Island Irish said:
God her lips look awful! Why do people think this looks good? The sad thing is I’m a target for this. I have full lips and they are VERY dark magenta natually (if I don’t wear makeup people think I am) so if I ever become famous everyone will be giving me a hard time about my lips. Luckily my lips are soft looking unlike Jessica’s. Her’s look as hard as rocks! I wonder what Papa Joe will make of all this….
January 18, 2006
At 6:40 pm poptart_starlet said:
Wickedly on target…great work.
January 18, 2006
At 6:48 pm Amy said:
haha. too funny. you are awesome.
January 18, 2006
BrnEyedGirl676
At 7:12 pm BrnEyedGirl676 said:
Jessica Simpson Swollen Red Lips… buy them now at your local OB/GYN office!
January 18, 2006
At 8:27 am DonnaJEM said:
Well, I’m not going to be nice. Miss Jessica is an airhead of the highest order. She has too many people in her PR machine,(sadly including her own family) telling her she needs these outlandish procedures done so maybe she’ll continue to get stupid-girl rolls in silly insignificant movies. Plus this trout pout does make her look somewhat sad about her marriage being broken up by her father, er I mean because she and Nick had irreconcilable differences.
Nick is the luckiest man on earth.
Again 14, you have nailed it.
January 19, 2006
At 8:29 am DonnaJEM said:
Oh and her lopsided boobies make the effect just perfect.
January 19, 2006
At 8:58 am mrmojo said:
Looks like the loverly 14 peeking out from behind those giant swollen red lips.
January 19, 2006
At 10:17 am surcie said:
As always, I love it!!
Speaking of Star Jones. . .
Have you seen her on The View lately? She could be Nicole Richie’s sister! They look like twinsies. Star’s getting freaky thin.
January 19, 2006
Damien
At 12:48 pm Damien said:
Throw in a 5 litre can of red house paint and you got yourself a deal lil missy. Very Daffy Ducky.
January 19, 2006
At 3:57 pm Johnny Huh? said:
I’d like a pair but only if they can double as freakishly large labia too. She’s sure to capture some nice fella’s attention with those big honking lips.
Now if only she’d just never say another word…..
January 19, 2006
At 8:07 pm Demon Kitty said:
Dearest 14,
Wasn’t it Desmond Morris who said that women are trying to turn their mouths into their vaginas? Well I think Jessica has gone above and beyond the call of duty! When I look at her tits and her neck 14, I immediately get a message in my subconscious that says, “cock and balls”. Did you do that on purpose? If so, it is brilliant. Are you trying to say that Jessica is really a tranny (she does have a cleft chin) or that she gives truckloads of head? Or both.. the interpretations are endless! Every single one is disgusting as well! I love you!
Demon Kitty
January 19, 2006
At 3:05 pm CONCRETELOOP.COM said:
LMAO! Jessica needs to be thrown into an insane asylum. I’m sick of her.
January 20, 2006
At 10:15 am licoricepirate said:
That’s awesome !
and I luv how u made her eyes .. o.O .. it’s so her ..
mad proppz.
January 21, 2006
At 10:44 am evil T said:
While the lips do look good enuff to eat, I’m more taken by that 14 staffer with the cool hat and Foster Grants. I have GOT to get me a staff like that. Oops, looks like I’ve got staff envy. I’m going to go work my staff right now. Thanks for the inspiration!
January 21, 2006
At 2:23 pm Chansmom said:
I’ve asked this question before, and I’ll ask again. Do these so-called “talents” know how foolish they look?! I mean, c’mon. I can get behind some kind of silly fad, but this isn’t even close to the days of “real movie stars” enhancing their looks by say, shaving their eyebrows, doing that finger wave thing with their hair. This is just plain f%$ked up!
Sad thing is, this dum-dums don’t even know what kind of effect this crap they’re doing to themselves will have in 10 years time.
I’ll stick to a touch of makeup and maybe that lip plumping lipstick. No one is gonna stick needles in my lips! I go crazy getting a flu shot!
14, you’re brilliant! And wicked! I love your mirth!
Jeanette.
January 22, 2006
At 10:26 pm kc said:
She’s just getting ready for her big return to Texas. Because we all know in 3-5 yrs her and her sister will be head lining at Bubba’s Ribs & Beer off highway 9. Wearing that red cowgirl outfit and Ashlee trying to stay sober enough to lip synch her one hit wonder.
January 22, 2006
At 9:28 am Gen said:
that staffer looks just like Angelina Jolie.
January 31, 2006
At 12:02 pm carmen said:
youre so mean… I LOVE IT!!!
February 1, 2006
At 5:27 am cobriza said:
I am concerned that your incomplete identification of the true nature of this hideous threat may be placing you in danger. The brain-numbing clouds of vapidity that it continuously exudes aren’t the main point of its mission; they merely render its victims incapable of recognising something far more actively evil until it’s too late. Take another look at all those pictures of the said ‘natural beauty’ showing us what a sweet, happy person she is. You think that’s a smile, don’t you? WRONG. We have all undergone years of ruthless exposure to the Hollywood theory that to be attractive it is indispensable to have a gigantic mouth that takes up as much as possible of one’s lower face, with bulging rubbery lips and a terrifying array of colossal, gleaming teeth. We have therefore come subliminally to accept the Tom Cruise look as the bare minimum for a smile. Photographs of Jessica display all the correct attributes, so we assume that she is smiling. But look again - properly - at the shape of the said gigantic mouth as it ’smiles’. That thing is not a smile. It is a grotesque oblong snarl that may readily be identified in any book on chimpanzee behaviour as extreme threat behaviour. Her face is ludicrously distorted and looks terrifyingly ugly, BUT NO-ONE NOTICES and these photos are approvingly printed in celebrity magazines when all too clearly they should be passed as a matter of extreme urgency to whoever deals with rabies control in her area. Your friend the out-of-work actor is clearly onto this, but I’m still worried about you… deeply unpleasant though they are, your images of Jessica are still showing something far too closely related to a human smile. You must save yourself while there is yet time.
February 8, 2006
At 8:18 am How to Get the Girl of your Dreams said:
shouldnt you save plastic surgery for when you get older?
February 17, 2006
At 7:40 pm Mother Fluffer said:
LOVE YOU! You nail it every time! I’ve been asked to do “Celebrity Nip And Tuck” Holy crap! We always talk about what we might want to do but now that I’m faced with the real possibility…I’m ascared!!! I know - I’ll just go in there and tell them that I want to look just like Joan Rivers!
June 20, 2006