Filed under: Icky
Vincent Gallo offers his sperm for sale on the "merchandise" area of his web site. If you’d like your future child to possess delusions of grandeur and inflated ego, this is the opportunity for you! You can buy his precious body fluid for only $1,000,000 and you get to experience his 8" cash withdrawal machine. But wait, if you have an "extremely dark complexion", Mr. Gallo isn’t interested in selling his sperm to you. Gallo prefers a blonde with blue eyes and is prepared to knock $50,000 off his asking price if she can "prove" she’s natural. Come on fair haired ladies, line up for this once in a lifetime chance!
Achtung! Seven of my illustrator friends have started a blog called the 7 Deadly Sinners. These talented pals of mine have inspired and encouraged my work. Don’t miss Kipling West’s downloadable monthly calender page, Tom Bagley’s tribute to Link Wray, or Kamala’s homage to perversions in the animal kingdom. Check often, the site updates daily.
Posted by 14 ♦ November 29, 2005
At 11:34 am Madame M said:
Hmm….. wow. I guess he’s still holding out for Cholë Sevigny to father his child.
Love the sperm-to-cash frame. Too good…. and gooey. Ick.
November 29, 2005
At 11:59 am cipha said:
this is awesome! the artwork is telling the whole story!!! great work, girl!
November 29, 2005
At 12:25 pm Long Island Irish said:
Dear god, let’s hope Kevin Federline aka Cletus (Britney Spears husband) doesn’t get ideas from this…
November 29, 2005
At 1:24 pm Brown Eyed Girl said:
Just another reason I’m glad I’m not blonde.
I like how you’ve got him all rosy in that creepy drunk street guy kinda way.
I know there are women out there whose only mission in life is to get knocked up, but if you had a spare million to buy sperm, couldn’t you find a better donor? At least Tom Cruise buys his customers airplanes and sonograms.
November 29, 2005
Damien
At 1:43 pm Damien said:
Honestly Gallo seems to have become the self proclaimed ‘it’ boy of the Hollyweird party set (or to be precise the sub-set of talentless hacks who sneek into, loiter and then prowl said B-list parties). God his movie ‘Brown Bunny’ should be required viewing for all film students ‘And the Oscar for the worst use of celluloid goes to …”
(errr, I guess Jessica Simpson is on the market, yep a little early but heck I went there, ) Great illustration as per usual 14.
November 29, 2005
At 6:35 pm ffleur said:
LOVE IT! Those sperm look droopy and disinterested & hairy and bucktoothed. Just like their daddy.
I wonder if he’s had any takers yet?
November 29, 2005
Blondi
At 6:51 pm Blondi said:
ewwww……
November 29, 2005
At 7:29 pm Viper Tetsu said:
So Gallo prefers sowing his seed within blue-eyed blondes? Sounds like he should be trimming his facial hair down to one little square directly under his nose and barking, “Mach Schnell!”
The daisy chain of semen and sawbucks is utterly hilarious, as is the likeness! If anything, you’ve made Mr. Brown Bunny look almost sitcom-star goofy–which, given the guy’s monster ego, is a prime cutdown in itself. Brava!
November 29, 2005
Micino
At 8:03 pm Micino said:
The vomiting sperm is very cute.
November 29, 2005
c-dawg
At 8:49 pm c-dawg said:
who the crap is that guy? oh well, funny picture…i love the sperm with faces like junkies (his).
ps i wonder how this idiot will feel when no one wants to buy his nasty ol’ jizz…
November 29, 2005
At 8:58 pm Demon Kitty said:
OH MY GOOOOOOOD! I can barely breathe I am laughing sooo hard. DAMN! You captured his likeness. The man is a creep! A nasty effing creep! Selling his jizzum! Ew! Ew! Ew! I just don’t understand how any woman would want to take it from him, especially in the mouth~ EW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But I honestly thing that Paris Hilton should couple up with him. They could go down as two of the most disgusting human beings fornicating in history. She could star in his movies. She is accustomed to blowing men on the screen. Ew!!!!!!
But then again they might breed so to hell with it! Ew!!!
November 29, 2005
At 9:21 pm Ilsa said:
Holy SHIT, Private Pyle…those retarded, lazy-eyed, buck-toothed, vomiting sperm are the BEST!!!
I have not felt so shocked, nor have I laffed and wheezed this hard since Idontknowwhen!
I don’t know much about this Vincent Gallo (thank God) other than the fact that Chloe Fugny supposedly blew him, but he looks like a deranged, fugly, perverse serial killer. The purple haze around his creepy hollow eyes only accentuates this. Awesome work!
November 29, 2005
At 12:55 am Brandy said:
Awww…you made the sperm look cuuuute.
…did I just say that?
November 30, 2005
At 2:23 am Priscilla Shnicklepooker said:
Good Lordy Miss 14, this one is splendiferous. I’ve never seen such cute yet pitiful sperms in my life. The tiny hairs on them! Everything about it- it’s just wonderfully done. His eye bags, so beautifully rendered…Priscilla likes!
November 30, 2005
At 3:47 am janica said:
Oh 14!
How you make me giggle! I love your work, you are the hotness!
November 30, 2005
At 3:49 am Rodolfo said:
Don’t know why, but this reminds me of Munch’s Madonna.
November 30, 2005
TheIdleReceptionist
At 7:19 am TheIdleReceptionist said:
God what a freak. Great rendering! Eeewww and his penile/hairdryer/ATM of death. Barf.
You should have Chloe design some frumptastic outfit for his sperm swimming around up in the corner of the pic!
November 30, 2005
TheIdleReceptionist
At 7:20 am TheIdleReceptionist said:
Also, the whole jiz morphing into sperm morphing into dollar signs looks really great! MC Escher would be proud!
November 30, 2005
TheIdleReceptionist
At 7:28 am TheIdleReceptionist said:
Ok, after reading his little Sperm for Sale blurb…that HAS to be a joke. Wanting a “Jew mother” so his offspring will have a chance at winning awards at movie festivals???
WTF?
November 30, 2005
14
At 7:58 am 14 said:
Thanks for your comments everyone!
If you don’t know who Vincent Gallo is, google the terms “Brown Bunny” and “Chloe Sevigny” and see what magically “pops up”. heh heh.
And get out and see more indie films! : )
14
November 30, 2005
At 9:03 am JJ said:
The guy is a total modern day Rasputin… looks just like him too.
the sperm faces are genius.
November 30, 2005
At 10:13 am Morrigan said:
Ick…a women would need to seriously consider getting her brain checked if she wants to pay a million for Gallo’s jizz. I love similarity between himself and his boys.
November 30, 2005
Jason
At 1:36 pm Jason said:
eeewwwwwww..
November 30, 2005
At 2:37 pm Cricket said:
I just had to make a parody of my own after I saw this:
http://www.livejournal.com/users/a_cricket/
Excellent illustration, 14!
November 30, 2005
At 5:25 pm Demon Kitty said:
I just can’t help it, I have to say this: You should get an award. You should get an award! YOU SHOULD GET AN AWARD!!!!! Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
November 30, 2005
At 8:05 pm mommyof1 said:
All i can say is OH MY GOSH that has to be a joke…there is just NOW WAY…
November 30, 2005
At 11:26 pm Orianna said:
is he fucking serious?
November 30, 2005
At 2:51 am Leanna said:
Oh god - your painting was hilarious and amazing. Sadly, I followed the link to his merchandise website and have actually come away sick to my stomach. That man is astonishing…and not in the way his delusional little brain thinks.
December 1, 2005
Fug.
At 6:43 am Fug. said:
He’s such a whore. I bet he can’t hook a girl he likes.
December 1, 2005
At 8:49 am DonnaJEM said:
CHEESE AND RICE!!!! Do not ever scare me like that again! I clicked on your site expecting the usual brilliance. But this is waaaaaaayyyyy past brilliance. I can’t even think of a word better than brilliant.
First, you picked a great subject. Vincent Gallo is beyond gross. I love how you made his little spermies look just like him…..heroin addicted, sleepy and unclean.
December 1, 2005
Anonymous
At 10:36 am Anonymous said:
Homeboy has really lost it. I’m surprised none of the gossip weekly haven’t picked up on his site
December 1, 2005
At 1:32 pm Chansmom said:
Yuck! This guy has always given me the creeps. Now this really confirms what I’ve thought all along. F&#$ed up! Good job, 14!
December 1, 2005
At 7:19 pm matt said:
Vincent Gallo is truely one of the most outrageous men in hollywood. Not only is he in the habit of producing some of the worst films ever made, but he cannot take constructive criticism designed to help him make better movies (he wished roger ebert prostate cancer for god sake! What kind of man is this!). He is selling gifts people gave him on his website. TACKY!
Oh and doesn’t anyone else think, even if he is joking, that his comments are rather offensive and maybe even a little RACIST. Just a thought. The man is out of his damn mind!
December 1, 2005
At 8:05 pm Bettencourt said:
I thought it’s been wellll established that the recipient of Chloe’s “favors” was not Gallo but her then-bf?
December 1, 2005
At 9:51 am mr pink said:
sound like mr.gallo has problem with the black brown and yellow
December 3, 2005
At 9:56 am mr pink said:
i dont know who this gallo guy is but he must be out of his mind if he thinks someone will pay 1,000,000 dollars for his sperm ooh wait i live in america were anything is possible
December 3, 2005
Natalia
At 7:55 pm Natalia said:
VINCENT WHO????
December 3, 2005
At 5:57 am Katie said:
After skimming the rest of the merchandise site, it seems pretty much like all those items are jokes - rather amusing actually. Almost as great as this picture.
December 4, 2005
At 7:34 am Dawn (webmiztris) said:
i had no idea who he was until I saw Brown Bunny.
and now I wish I still didn’t know.
December 5, 2005
At 2:49 pm Isabel said:
Probably did brown bunny just so he could get laid.
Gallo’s ego-mania apprently knows no bounds.
This guy is messed up. He is insane. This guy isn’t even that great of an actor. Brown Bunny is the most boring, worthless piece of shit movie that has ever been made in human history. He’s nothing but a straight up Loooozer.
Even scarier, I am sure there are women out there who are equally crazy and would actually consider it…
There’s no way he’s drug-free.
He’s a sick, retarded UGLY bastard.
December 6, 2005
At 9:26 am madamemedeasmilk said:
why would you pay a millon to make your poor child a sub- spieces?
UGLY and creepy
December 10, 2005
At 1:00 pm chip said:
I saw Brown Bunny. He’s packing about 5″ inches at best. Or maybe Choeleoy’s head is the size of a mini van.
July 4, 2006
At 12:51 pm Rubble said:
I honestly didn’t know of this shmuck until this was posted and I looked him up. I thought he looked familiar, but then it caught up with me, the person I was thinking was that Rasputin show on History Channel.
Who does he think he is?? Have never heard of him. Even Pacino, who is a legend, does not act like this.
Looks like Rasputin, sounds like Hitler.
He is so repulsive now that I have researched him. Women fans??? You have to be kidding. He looks like a complete douche. This portrait is brilliant, captures his sleazy personality pretty well.
Yuck. And no way he is 8″
April 5, 2008