Filed under: Movie, Book & Magazine Parodies
I saw a recent photo of Jackie Stallone and for the first few seconds, I thought I was looking at Michael Myers, the villian from the Halloween movies. After seeing her, I had to do a little research on what’s she’s been up to. I was delighted to learn that “she says her dogs channel messages from the spirt world and sends them to her telepathically“. In addition to giving birth to her “deformed son” Sylvester, she has also been a trapeze artist, a psychic, a dermatologist, and a rumpologist (a form of fortune telling using a person’s….rump). Jackie doesn’t hold back - she recently called Britney Spears a “tramp” and “trailer trash”. Sylvester is planning a movie about his eccentric mother and Jackie insists that Angelina Jolie play the part. Please do it Angelina!!! PLEASE!! I will SO be first in line to see that! But first I’m going to watch Halloween 10, in which Jackie’s dogs tell her to destroy the planet after she returns home from getting her lips injected with more collagen.
Posted by 14 ♦ October 28, 2005
At 3:37 pm Kim said:
Gad, this just blared out at me as I opened the site. This is, um, well, scarifyin’! Supremely creeposifyin’! Holy crap! It made me laugh so hard there are now little spittle marks on her cheeks. Sorry to deface the work of art. Awesome.
October 28, 2005
Anonymous
At 3:46 pm Anonymous said:
Fabulous work, but the real thing cannot be anymore terrifying.
October 28, 2005
At 3:55 pm Demon Kitty said:
Wonderful! You have outdone yourself yet again. I love the mouth-breathing expression on her face.
So much love,
Demon Kitty
October 28, 2005
At 4:21 pm Knuckles McGillicutty said:
HAW! I love her lips!! Is this watercolor? Beats me how you are the master of so many mediums.
Mediums. Har. I slay me.
Is that li’l Abigail I see, telling Jackie “faster pussycat, kill kill!?”
October 28, 2005
At 4:47 pm Viper Tetsu said:
First of all…
fucking AAAAAAIIIIIEEEEEE!!!!
This, my dear, injects an industrial-strength dose of primal sledgehammer horror to your customary mix of hilarity and pungent wit.
This is a work of such masterful sustained terror that David Cronenberg, John Carpenter, and Wes Craven should just pack it in. You’ve out-shocked all of those little pansies.
October 28, 2005
14
At 4:52 pm 14 said:
Yep, it’s Abigail. No, not watercolor - acrylic wash…I should have used oils like I did for Kelly Osbourne.
And BONUS: The three little dots in the triangular shape up in the sky to the right of Jackie is what the UFO looked like that I saw in San Francisco a few weeks ago. I thought it would be appropriate to add them to Jackie’s portrait.
14
mistress of the galactic owls
October 28, 2005
At 5:01 pm kumzooloo said:
Hey- I recognize Abigail as well, that insane little pillow humper. Glad to see she’s making it big along with all these nuts you paint. Maybe she could show up humping someone’s leg soon- please dear… maybe Britney’s baby?
October 28, 2005
At 5:26 pm Long Island Irish said:
AAAHHHHH!!!!! That is the scariest thing I have ever seen on this sight! Now there is a woman who has lost all her marbles. The movie about her should come out around Halloween, a real classic of horror–I can see it all now in flashing lights!
Seriously, I would watch this womans mental state closely. The Son of Sam insisted that a dog spoke to him as well and look what happened there!
Note: I absolutley love Kumazooloo’s idea about the dog and Britney’s baby although I’d have the creature hump the baby’s leg after it rips Kevin to shreds in a bloody mess! Just an added thought there…..
October 28, 2005
At 7:11 pm Ilsa said:
Holy hell, this is horrifying. I love how you’ve captured that weird white ring around her jowls, her misshapen lips which frame a toothless mouth, the lumpy nose, and her overall garish, stark appearance. Let’s hope that her hellhounds get the inclination to put her out of her misery this Halloween.
October 28, 2005
At 9:21 pm ffleur said:
Cue Psycho music…
Remember how those very ugly men wore bad makeup in “Twisted Sister”? Jackie is the spitting image of the drummer.
The dog makes me think of Little Orphan Annie’s eyes. Blank….
October 28, 2005
At 10:01 pm Demon Kitty said:
Sylvester Stallon’s mother was a dermatologist? Dear God!
So Much Love,
Demon Kitty
October 28, 2005
At 3:56 am toasted said:
Hahaha, you got her soooo spot on. Damnit that woman is scary. o_O
October 29, 2005
At 6:45 am Natasha said:
oh, 14! You did a very scary picture!!! it’s scary enough to give anyone a nightmare!!!
You are sheer talent!
October 29, 2005
At 11:19 am lmj said:
i want to read more about your ufo experience. details details.
October 29, 2005
At 2:39 pm Manuela said:
With that mouth of hers she looks like a blow-up doll modeled after that Wildenstein woman…
shudder…
October 29, 2005
Marissa
At 4:25 pm Marissa said:
I had no idea Sylvester Stalone was deformed o.O
October 29, 2005
At 5:48 pm Pamela said:
The dogs (the ones with facial hair) have really funny expressions…
Love your color choices.
October 29, 2005
At 10:35 pm Cyn said:
Sly’s mom is scarey. I hadn’t seen her latest face so I’m not sure if that’s a dead ringer for her now. You know who I think it looks like? That guy from the White Stripes (Jack White) but in drag….sort of.
October 30, 2005
OwlBoy
At 10:37 am OwlBoy said:
‘I’m the Crypt Keeper!’
-Owl
October 31, 2005
Damien Morgan
At 1:41 pm Damien Morgan said:
OMG, Jackie Stallone now thats a real Halloween terror story. Yeah I could see Angelina Jolie playing her. It would be a simple cameo though, you know at the end of the movie when Jackie has her mask removed (slam close up, que chessy reveal music).
October 31, 2005
At 8:27 pm Charlene said:
I could see Carrot Top playing her…
November 17, 2005