Filed under: Paris Hilton, Paris Hilton Art
Paris Hilton was recently quoted as saying “I’m the closest thing to American royalty.” Wow, that’s quite the statement. I’m sure Americans everywhere are brimming with pride as our royal highness Princess Paris shamelessly dangles and shimmies her unbearable dullness in a vapid lap dance for the world to see. According to our beloved, yet delusional Princess, royalty is characterized by shilling herself out to low grade hamburger chains, starring in a sex video, and babbling “that’s hot” because she can’t come up with anything else to say. Princess Paris claims she wants to “build an empire” with her “brand” and 14 predicts it will look a lot like Wal-Mart.
Posted by 14 ♦ October 14, 2005
At 2:26 am Amers said:
LMAO!
I love your artwork! It’s great! Keep ‘em coming!
Greetings from Holland,
Amers
October 14, 2005
At 2:30 am Amers said:
Great stuff!!! Keep ‘em coming! You are a very talented artist/illustrator!
Greetings from Holland,
Amers
October 14, 2005
At 3:37 am Salmonella said:
14, again, you are a pure genius! I can’t imagine life without Paris now that she’s everywhere!
October 14, 2005
At 6:10 am Long Island Irish said:
That is perfect. I love the way you have the sandwich sauce dripping down her leg. She has so few brains it’s not even funny! Just look at the way she dresses, she’s a disgrace. I’m glad there are people like you 14 who can portray these people for what they are–rich white trash.
October 14, 2005
At 6:15 am TheIdleReceptionist said:
God save us all the day Paris declares herself royalty. I can just see her in some SouthParkian rendering, sitting on an acctual throne constructed, bedazzled and festooned with hot pink velvet by Heatherette and Bobby Trendy.
All of a sudden, just as the world takes it’s collective shudder after Paris’ declaration of sovreignty, a rumble erupts from the center of her being, knocking Tinkerbell’s diminutive replacement off of the Royal Lap. Paris starts roaring and grunting like a werewolf in transition. People scatter in all directions…
Paris leaps off of her throne as her skin simultaneously SPLITS IN HALF OFF OF HER BODY. A medusa-like figure rises like an evil phoenix from her “Paris Skin” ashes. This winged, taloned beast will forever terrorize the St. Tropez’s and Martha’s Vineyard’s of the Earth, looking for a boy pet to lock up, make appearances with and then break up with and release back into the wild.
Thank you, 14, for the warning. How could we not have seen it coming. The insanity MUST. BE. STOPPED.
October 14, 2005
At 7:44 am fINGERfOOD said:
Hey! I remember that look from One Night in Paris! Right before she… uhmmm… well, you know…
Bravo, 14! You’ve obviously done your research! All that’s missing is the night vision green hue in the background and the glowing demon eyes!
October 14, 2005
At 7:52 am MadAngel said:
Great pic … however, I think we were being very kind to her likeness when you drew her breast. I’ve seen Paris in person and she is not that well-endowed.
Love your stuff!
October 14, 2005
At 8:35 am Janelle said:
Awesome! Love the mustard.
October 14, 2005
At 8:42 am Bragan said:
The repulsive come-hither look (perfectly captured), the camel toe, the boney man hand, the jizzem-like mustard dripping on her rail-thin thigh . . . damn, you’re good.
October 14, 2005
At 8:49 am muzzlecunt said:
that’s hot.
October 14, 2005
Michelle
At 9:34 am Michelle said:
Ha Ha! Prince Albert’s, I mean Charles’, twin!
I guess “Royalty” is no exception to trampiness!
October 14, 2005
wasabi
At 9:48 am wasabi said:
If Paris is royalty, then I call for every red-blooded American to rise up with torches and pitch forks to dethrone our porn video, trashy coture, lap dog totin’, hair extention donning, fake blonde, fake blue eyes and fake tanned princess.
Hi 14. I love the cheesy dime-store tiara on Princess Paris.
October 14, 2005
elle
At 10:58 am elle said:
14 ~
Great work, but you were FAR too kind on portraying that freak nose of hers. Plus, the breasts are 2 sizes too big. Love your work!
October 14, 2005
At 11:21 am Burple said:
I love that you captured her man-hands…next time show her freaky man-feet! You know that bitch wears size 10 or 11 shoes!
October 14, 2005
At 11:41 am TheIdleReceptionist said:
Also, how clever are you to capture perfectly the way her thumb is always bent up like that!
October 14, 2005
At 12:20 pm Demon Kitty said:
It’s unfortunate for the human race that this bitch is impervious to humiliation. I really wish the forces of the universe would banish her to the nether world and she’d never come back again. She is such an attention loving whore this will never happen. She kind of looks like Nikki here.
That is the most phallic hamburger I have ever seen lodged between white bread labia majora. Glad to see the tomatoes and ketchup symbolize the gorging of the vulva. Ugh! Paris Hilton has probably come into contact with lots of body fluids the color of mustard. I am going to go vomit now and then down some hard liquor. Ew!
So Much Love,
Demon Kitty
October 14, 2005
At 4:13 pm Bubbles said:
Oh Paris, sweetie, listen: no one worships you. You know when something bad happens on the news and you can’t stop watching even though you’re nauseated? You know how some things are sick and sad, yet oddly compelling? That’s you, hon. Please put on some clothes and go back to your room.
Thanks 14 for the laughs and the knowledge that I’m not alone.
October 14, 2005
At 1:30 am Mandy said:
Once again, pure perfection.
Oh, and I’m just finishing the article. So check your email Sunday. =)
October 15, 2005
At 9:09 am wookiegurl said:
Love the camel toe–that’s hot!!!
October 15, 2005
Brigitte Bardot_On_Speed(s)
At 12:59 pm Brigitte Bardot_On_Speed(s) said:
I think this young mademoiselle — P H— deserves to spent a few hours counting the votes in Baghdad. Not just eating hamburgers and cleaning cars for a living.
If she suceeds she will be the bravest blonde of the day. Why not the next queen of Irak ? Let’s bring politics in the most fashionable way.
October 15, 2005
At 7:52 pm Madame M said:
Priceless, as usual. And you’re right… she should have held out at least for Burger King huh? That way she’d *have* to wear a crown!
October 15, 2005
At 1:05 am Liz!!! said:
Mr. artist, you surley are the master of the universe! In this one however, you should not’ve covered up the long hook nose and lazy eye.
October 16, 2005
At 2:36 am Morrigan said:
Once agian you’ve captured your subject perfectly, 14.
The vapid stare. Why is this person so important to us again?
October 16, 2005
cherise
At 8:05 am cherise said:
I love it! The dripping mustard!!
October 16, 2005
Jordyn
At 12:47 pm Jordyn said:
you are a great drawer. keep it up now make on of those of ashlee simpson
October 16, 2005
At 5:51 pm jeanne said:
So close, 14, but Miss Thing here is waay too covered up to be Paris! Don’t get me wrong - I have no need to see Her Grace’s cha-cha - but you’ve got to be cruel to be… uh, cruel!
October 16, 2005
Damien Morgan
At 6:57 pm Damien Morgan said:
You know, I’m guessing that Paris has had alot of things pass through her lips - though fast food is somewhat surprising.
American Royalty, yeah right.
(great art 14 your at the top of your game)
October 16, 2005
At 9:26 pm Viper Tetsu said:
Mother Mary in puke-yellow polyester hip huggers, this is magnificently, greasily perfect! Just seeing that vapid, half-lidded junior-high attempt at a come-hither look–captured to an excruciating T by your brushes and ink–gives my gut involuntary lurches…
The only thing keeping Paris Hilton from being just another empty-eyed suburban bedhopper whose idea of sexiness is a gas-station-checkstand plastic rose (and a candlelit dinner of convenience-store nachos washed down with a Mickey’s Big Mouth) is several million bucks.
October 16, 2005
At 12:16 pm DonnaJEM said:
Viper put into words everything I was thinking. I thank you for that!
So now I only need to complement you, dear 14, for yet another example of your limitless talent and ability to bust every self-important, self-absorbed, attention whore in LaLa Land.
I thank you.
October 17, 2005
At 12:25 pm Tara S. said:
American royalty? That’s like saying Burger King is American royalty. UUgh! Talk about giving yourself too much credit. I do have to say I agree with MadAngel. Her boobs are not that big.
October 17, 2005
At 1:39 pm Damien said:
Wow, again just stopped by to say thanks for the link 14, yikes!!!
Anyway I’m speechless, no really.
October 17, 2005
At 10:48 am surcie said:
“Unbearable dullness” is right on, sister.
October 18, 2005
At 11:41 am Sabine said:
Love it all!! The dumb look, tacky clothes, and the mustard drop, priceless.
October 18, 2005
At 12:58 pm MrBigBoy said:
Has her royalness contacted you do an official portrait? You are much kinder to her than the camera. Love your work 14
October 18, 2005
Whiden
At 2:24 pm Whiden said:
Brilliant, 14. You are witty, talented, and creative, which is more than anyone will ever be able to say about Paris Hilton. I love how she claims to have “worked very hard” to get where she is. I guess shelling out her daddy’s money to pay producers and manufacturers to put her on TV and sell her “Eau de Stank Vaginitis” perfume is pretty hard work.
Love your site!!
October 18, 2005
Wendy
At 4:47 pm Wendy said:
Yeah! Can we PLEASE get your interpretation of the creature that is Ashlee Simpson because it would be just too funny!
Great work, again.
October 18, 2005
At 7:40 pm carrie said:
I guess I’m a bit tired of Paris… so I wasn’t as “wowed” as I usually am when logging on to your site. Sort of, been there & saw the painting of it already. This is one of your less-inspired, 14. Still waiting on Hohan, Cameron/Justin, Brangelina or maybe even Tyra Banks.
I’m usually chewing my nails in anticipation, but I guess I’m starting to take pity on Paris, Brit and poor Katie (scratch that - Kate and the test tube fetus).
Much love, but am waiting for you to fry some bigger fish then the usual fare.
October 18, 2005
At 8:44 am Genevieve said:
Wow, you just made me realize with this picture that this is probably how the world sees Americans.
I feel embarressed and ashamed now. Thanks :o/
October 19, 2005
At 7:04 am midevil said:
Whiden–”Eau de Stank Vaginitis”
That’s great!
…the crown sort of looks like a star fish, and maybe it’s feeding off her head…
October 20, 2005
At 1:12 pm me said:
wow! I had such a physical reaction to this, I have learned that I gotta quit checking on 14’s new stuff while trying to eat lunch! love it love it love it! thanks, 14~
October 20, 2005
At 1:30 pm richdelux said:
14 you are the greatest. I have been your fan since we were teenagers. But, you still amaze me after all these years. Plus, you’re hot.
October 21, 2005
At 7:55 pm Dawn (webmiztris) said:
your talent amazes me!
October 23, 2005
Fug.
At 1:42 am Fug. said:
Good work, but you missed the lazy eye
October 26, 2005
At 2:57 am DaVE!! said:
Personally, i think paris hilton is so cool. She has the looks and the personality. Paris Hilton gets stereotyped because shes famous, im damn sure theres millions of girls out there just like her. So what if she produced a sex tape? WHATS IT GOTTA DO WIT YOU?! ALL IN ALL..SHES PRETTY AND UR NOT..GET OVER IT HATERS..UR ALL JEALOUS:P
Greetings from England x
October 31, 2005
ThePinkFreak
At 8:53 am ThePinkFreak said:
Excellent work 14. You talent extremly talented.
BTW Fug, yeah she is famous…could you remind me why? What is Paris’ talent??? Except for being a total slut!?! So no,we are not jealous, just sick of seeing her…Maybe people are sick of useless girls with no brains…Royalty? No thanks…
14 that’s a very representative portrait!
November 1, 2005
ThePinkFreak
At 10:14 am ThePinkFreak said:
oups I meant: You are extremly talented.
November 1, 2005
ThePinkFreak
At 10:15 am ThePinkFreak said:
and my message was for DaVE!!
LOL…
November 1, 2005
At 7:47 pm sheri said:
i love your art work it is great. i especially love your hotel paris. i could not not stop laughing it was so funny and right on thr mark. please continue your great work because i always get a big laugh from your pictures.
November 6, 2005
At 5:40 pm Steve said:
This is my concept for a new Paris Hilton reality show. This would have the entire nation watching weekly.
Paris is cutoff from her family wealth, for good. Not just for the new show, but for the rest of her life. The producers of the show find her a small studio apartment with a monthly rental rate of $1,200.00, a few skirts, jeans, tops, shoes, no funiture.
Her mission is to:
a. Find a job so she can pay the rent, food, and utilities.
b. Since she does not have a car, once she finds a job, she has to figure out how she’s going to save enough for the downpayment on a used piece of shit car, and then pay for the gas registration, insurance, and repairs.
c. Since the apartment is not furnished, she will also need to find a second job at night, so she can buy second hand furniture at thrift shops.
d. If she wants to maintain the color of her hair, she’ll have to save her nickles & dimes in a jar, and then go to CVS and buy her color in a box. Then we would get to see her with tweety bird head in her stained kitchen sink.
Now, tell me, don’t you agree that this would be the most watched show in TV history?
Oh, the title of the show?
“Ms Hilton, Welcome To The Real World!”
Steve
November 7, 2005
At 2:05 pm Julia said:
I don’t know why, afterall I don’t know her personally, but I just HATE Paris Hilton.
She is so mean to ordinary people, atleast was on her show. Royalty atleast is kind to their subjects, she degrades “hers”.
My 16 year old daughter, given her complete lack of real world knowledge and maturity, thinks Paris is actually to be admired and copied! egads–where have I failed!
Paris is a complete and total SLUT. If my son were to ever bring her home to meet me and want to marry her, I would block the marriage, I don’t care how much money she has. All the money in the world won’t cure aids or herpes, one of which I would bet she already has, the other it is only a matter of time.
Yesterday, she left the scene of an accident. NONE of rich brats were given DUI or DWI tests. Why is it that this chick thinks she is royalty? because she is treated by a different standard. My sister saw her in Vegas and said that in person, she is a total SKANK!!!!
Boycott the Hilton Hotel chain, that would quite her up! or maybe just maybe her parents might actually attempt some discipline?!
November 10, 2005
IhateParis
At 6:56 am IhateParis said:
PinkFreak you are totally right!
LazyEye Paris makes me sick!!! Not so close to royalty…
November 11, 2005
nicole
At 5:09 pm nicole said:
if paris hilton is american royalty, then i’m a vermicious knid.
November 14, 2005
At 4:34 pm Nicole Ritchie is hot, ugly paris is not said:
You were a little off on her big birg hooked nose, needed to be bigger. And her lazy eye, needed to be “lazier,” and you gave her too much on top. And yes she is royalty, remember, she is a
Porn Queen. I bet Prince William *can’t wait* to snatch her stinky std infected coochie up.
November 19, 2005
At 11:06 pm Nicole said:
I believe that Paris Hilton is an extraordinary person at the ripe young age of 24. In other words, how many 24 year olds do you know that have accomplished so much fame — so fast? How about you! What were you doing at the age 24? Probably picking your asses!
Not only does Paris Hilton rank tops in celebrity status, she also has received an honorary doctor degree in complimentary medicines for her unselfish support.
Furthermore the school board also named her international royal diplomat of the board from a prestigious university in Boston Massachusetts. Obviously she is doing something right.
December 18, 2005
At 10:06 pm SleepDeprivedPuppy said:
She is never going to be royalty.
NEVER.
P.S- Love the artwork.
January 20, 2006
At 7:28 am Jordan Raska said:
Damn!
March 6, 2006
At 3:22 pm Noelegy said:
“…shamelessly dangles and shimmies her unbearable dullness in a vapid lap dance for the world to see.”
Not only is your art exquisite, you have a way with words. Bravo!
June 30, 2006
At 2:14 am natasha said:
hi paris can u and nicki put simple life on again u look da best n ur so funny do another seies n da dog looks lovely n ur hotel is lovely to luv natasha x
July 12, 2006
At 4:10 pm Shar said:
OMG…
Have a listen to Paris pretend she’s Marilyn Monroe (who sang Happy Birthday sing to President Kennedy) singing to Hugh Hefner and kissing the hell out of his ass.
Music career? Ha! Her CD is a complete failure, because she can’t really sing. Here is her real voice “unprocessed” by a computer and sucking as usual. She’s just too dumb to get that. So are her few, illiterate, tweener fans.
http://www.videovat.com/videos/1622/paris-hilton-hefner-birthday.aspx
September 27, 2006
At 10:56 am 4u2envy said:
as a 15 yr old south african girl ,i think ph is really shallow and superficial.But what goes around comes around.I think it’s all a marketing conspiracy to make her family more wealthy,i’ll give her an aplus
October 2, 2006
At 11:56 am 4u2envy said:
thanks for posting my comment ,I really enjoy this site.
October 3, 2006
At 7:21 am Jen said:
It is so sad that young girls idolize this kind of behaviour. I for one am so sick and tired or seeing Paris Hilton on the internet, on every magazine, who cares who she is doing this week? Honestly who buys this crap? It is so sad that we reward such horrible behaviour. She started her career as a porn queen, and has made a trillion dollars since!
October 6, 2006
Lilly
At 2:44 am Lilly said:
Paris has done so much for the age she is, she is a better person than you and thats why you don’t like her. I get it.
Paris is 25 she models, sings, acts and she has her onw production company and a top selling book and perfume…you are some fat low paid wannabe artist. if you had ‘real’ talent you would be selling art in a gallery not supplying these haters with their swill.
December 7, 2006
At 12:11 pm Shar said:
Posted by Jen
“Paris has done so much for the age she is, she is a better person than you and thats why you don’t like her. I get it.
Paris is 25 she models, sings, acts and she has her onw production company and a top selling book and perfume…you are some fat low paid wannabe artist. if you had ‘real’ talent you would be selling art in a gallery not supplying these haters with their swill.”
OMG, Jen, How stupid ARE you? The only thing Hilton “fanS” can say is is exactally what this person has posted.
FYI, Jen, Paris CAN’T SING, or ACT. She’s had everything PAID FOR BY DADDY’S MONEY, YOU TYPICAL WANNABE, LITTLE, STUPID FOOL.
You don’t have to be fat or a loser to not like Paris Hilton, JERK!
January 18, 2007
At 11:21 am Jeremy Wilson said:
Paris Hiton is trash. She is not royalty! True royalty don’t succumb to the level she has fallen to. At least they have class. Wealthy people are just money hungry any way, pardon the humor and reference to the food comercial… I think that the rich have survived to long off the backs of the poor as it is! Burn the rich! It will keep us warm! Send Paris Hilton to live in a poor ghetto and see how she survives…
February 28, 2007
At 11:04 am Don said:
If ever there was a candidate for the most superficial, self-centered and completely useless lifeform to have ever trod this planet, Paris Hilton would have to place high on such a list.
May 7, 2007
At 2:20 pm not saying said:
She is simply the best thing in the world
August 22, 2007
At 3:51 pm Ron said:
Shes stupid, but I still wanna cum inside her
November 10, 2007