Filed under: Tom Cruise
Here we see the vile alien galactic ruler XENU using his powerful Tom Cruise puppet in an attempt to trick the human population into believing his lies and deception. Every time you see Tom Cruise in a movie, a magazine, or jumping up and down on Oprah’s couch, you are really seeing XENU trying to control you with his powerful hologram puppet. Recently, some clever humans have figured out how to fight XENU and we can now share this information with you. XENU hates water.
Posted by 14 ♦ June 20, 2005
At 2:49 pm Knuckles McGillicutty said:
Man! I had never really read about the actual beliefs in Scientology before checking your link; I just figured TC was acting like someone recently finished with est “training”. In other words, full of nervous energy, acting deliriously happy, spouting complete nonsense re: caring about the entire human race so much you have to get them all believing the same doo doo that you do. I wonder if Scientology is as expensive as est? Seems to me the Truth shouldn’t cost several hundred dollars for basic training (seminars extra).
Anyway, this is even more brilliant than the Devil and Ms Holmes. I have no idea how you’re gonna follow this up. Kudos to you, 14! You RAWK!
June 20, 2005
uhhhmmmmm
At 2:58 pm uhhhmmmmm said:
50 years ago his father should have just busted his load in an old dirty sock instead of his mother..
Then this world would be a better place…and we wouldnt have to worry about Xenu..
June 20, 2005
At 3:28 pm GRETCHEN said:
Oh yes it was great! Go to:
tvgasm.com to see the whole thing on tape!
June 20, 2005
TSB
At 8:51 pm TSB said:
I don’t know why….but that puppet is fuckin hilarious.
June 20, 2005
At 9:04 pm Redhand said:
“Man! I had never really read about the actual beliefs in Scientology before checking your link.”
Same here. I knew L. Ron Hubbard was a whack job, but was absolutely stunned to learn about XENU. How can any sane, rational being believe this shit!?
The answer in Cruise’s case is simple: he’s out of his f*cking mind. We are witnessing a man not just in “mid-life crisis,” but in terminal psychic meltdown. I predict a full descent into celebrity madness on a par with Howard Hughes and Michael Jackson. Stay tuned.
I understand he fired his long time publicist, and hired his sister, a devout Scientologist herself, to do his PR. (If this was “the real Tom” all along, then his prior publicist was a genius.) The timing couldn’t be worse; the mask is off. This guy is clearly one sick puppy, what with infantile regression into “Risky Business” antics on Oprah, and this grotesque fist-pumping he does all the time. Is he on speed, crystal meth, some other psychotropic drug? Looks like it to me.
FWIW I’ve always thought Cruise sucked as an actor. His dramatic range is limited to his patented “deer in the headlights” look, invariably used to express the entire range of human emotion.
I expect to see a lot more of that in Spielberg’s remake of “War of the Worlds,” another film in this “Year of the Shitty Remake.” My son and I are debating whether to go, but I think we will. I’m dying to see what parallels Spielberg draws to the Iraq War. And who knows, maybe we’ll see why Cruise has gone crazy. Perhaps the Martians in the flick all look just like XENU.
Hey 19, er 14, keep up the great artwork. This one made my evening dear.
June 20, 2005
At 11:28 pm cipha said:
14 rulez! 14 rulez! please keep up doing the good work! your site is the shizzle!!!and now together..14 rulez, 14…
June 20, 2005
Anonymous
At 3:08 am Anonymous said:
man, this alien series is getting real dull… just go back to go old fashioned satirical non-alien celebrities, trust me.
June 21, 2005
At 8:31 am Laura said:
LOVE the tooth in the middle of his mouth!
June 21, 2005
14
At 9:33 am 14 said:
Dear Mr. Dull,
prepare thyself to become consumed with ennui - I shall post NOTHING but Hollywood Alien Trading Cards from now on. Trust me.
June 21, 2005
At 9:40 am kim said:
Don’t listen to that foo’…the alien trading cards are awesome. As awesome, if not awesomer, than your non-alien illustrations.
Keep it up, 14.
June 21, 2005
sweet_sweet_love
At 12:39 pm sweet_sweet_love said:
You’re wickedcool, 14! The trading cards are great, [only the boring are bored.] Cheers! That Scientology/xenu BS is CRAZY. I knew celebrities could be gullible, but holy crap, this takes the cake! They could save a lot of money by just playing with Star Wars toys.
June 21, 2005
At 1:11 pm Viper Tetsu said:
You’d think ol’ Xenu coulda made his puppet more symmetrical, instead of slapping that same crooked-assed, cattywompas grin onto the face.
I heart the Hollywood Aliens. Area 51 IS the new Viper Room, baby…
June 21, 2005
At 10:52 pm JJ said:
See the real genius of this piece is that constipated, crumudgeony look on Xenu’s face and… and… his chair.
Take a look at that CHAIR!
hahahaha too good!!
June 21, 2005
At 10:53 pm JJ said:
He also apparently lives on The Little Prince’s planet!
It all comes together!
June 21, 2005
Jimmy Fartpants
At 8:40 am Jimmy Fartpants said:
WWXD?
June 22, 2005
Mr. Dull
At 8:12 am Mr. Dull said:
wow. i’m the first person ever to have been blessed with a reply from 14 herself! bring on the fast downhill track… i mean, the alien cards! woohoo!
June 23, 2005
P. Niss
At 9:20 am P. Niss said:
That is how ALL belief systems work. If, for instance, all your friends told You there was a big spook in the sky who really loved You and if You didn’t love him back he would BURN YOU TO DEATH forever, chances are You would believe it too!
June 28, 2005
Maria
At 2:55 am Maria said:
I love this.
Its so funny. Along with the rest of the pictures on this site
July 7, 2005
At 7:13 pm sunny martin said:
I have been chatting to freezoners for months but they all went nuts every time I mentioned xenu - now I wonder why that could be!!
July 24, 2005
At 6:15 am Cap’n Bob said:
To those who wonder how much the Scientology Organized Crime Family’s “training” costs, the answer is simple: whatever you have and can beg, borrow, or steal. They want it all. The total can easily reach hundreds of thousands of dollars. It’s cheaper to call a telephone psychic or phone sex operator and talk for hours a day than to get suckered into Scientology. Time magazine dubbed Scientology “The Cult of Greed,” and for good reason. That’s just what it is.
August 3, 2005
At 6:38 pm Long Island Irish said:
He’s crazy. Does he really think that aliens are stuffing souls into volcano’s? He should be comitted. Poor Oprah, it was such a nice couch too…
I only have one thing to say to Katie Homes: RUN! FOR THE LOVE OF CHRIST RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!!!!!
August 19, 2005
At 4:33 am pixel876 said:
Here are Tom and Katie aliens
Take a looksee
October 19, 2006
At 6:58 am XENU said:
HAIL XENU!
January 20, 2008